Saturday, March 13, 2010

Gordon in the morning: Thin day

Coming this spring to Channel 4 - a whole new season of Dharma and Greg. She's a free-flowing free spirit who loves life; he's an uptight, buttoned-down kind of guy who finds intimacy and spontaneity awkward. Can their love survive their crazy mismatched coupling?

Oh... hang on a moment, it turns out that's actually a photo of Gordon Smart meeting Nadine Coyle for a chat.

I bumped into her yesterday in London's Air Studios

What a strange coincidence - and just a few hours after Gordon published a story about how thin Coyle looks these days. Just happened to bump into her, with a photographer alongside him.

Gordon, of course, doesn't really understand all this obsession with weight:
I'm a fella writing a column and I find the obsession with female celebs' weight a bit odd.

Really, Gordon?

Except when it comes to Colin Farrell, presumably:
COLIN FARRELL looks like a man who has been hanging around with AMY WINEHOUSE.

Colin was snapped after a dip in Malibu, showing off the body of a man who hasn't had a sniff of Guinness in months.

Or when reporting on a song telling Keira Knightley she's too thin:
The lyrics go: "Keira, Keira, eat your dinner. Keira, Keira, you can't get much thinner. Go to a restaurant with Michael Winner. Keira, Keira, eat your dinner."

Brilliant.

I can't imagine weight-conscious Keira will be too pleased with the tune though.

It might even put her off her dinner.

To see if you agree with Jilted see more pics of Keira in our slideshow.

And, naturally, if it'a about Amy Winehouse, well, you'd have to chip in:
AN emaciated AMY WINEHOUSE partied in London last night in scenes that have become worringly familiar for the skinny star.

And, obviously, you can't write about James Corden without mentioning it:
EDDIE LARGE, LES DAWSON and RONNIE BARKER are comedy giants in every sense of the word.

Big guys with huge personalities who got to the very top.

The latest in this noble line of plus-size funnymen to find fame is Bizarre Award winner JAMES CORDEN.

But alarming news reaches me - the cuddly comic may not stay tubby much longer.

For a man who doesn't understand the obsession with weight, he seems to write about it a hell of a lot. Perhaps he doesn't really like Kasabian, either.

Still - despite not really understanding the obsession - Gordon carried out his fearless investigation into Nadine's body shape:
To give the size of her legs some scale I put my thigh next to hers. Nadine is tiny but she didn't look unhealthily skinny.

That might just sound like a chance to rub your thigh on a pretty woman's leg, but actually - since the body mass index was revealed to be flawed - comparing your leg with a model of Gordon Smart's has become a recognised medical test.

Naturally, Gordon didn't spend all his time wondering if he should suggest comparing chest sizes, but the Ashley Cole part of the conversation was so groundbreaking, it requires its own URL:
[T]he Girls Aloud star insisted she would blank love rat ASHLEY COLE if he walked into the studios where we were chatting.

She said: "I'd just sit here and say nothing."

Woman not prepared to tolerate mate's cheating ex. Front pages, surprisingly, unheld.


9 comments:

Simon said...

Wait a second, Smart took Jilted John as a barometer of public feelings?

(Also: Graham Fellows brought Jilted John back? When? How? Why?)

Anonymous said...

I bet he's got a "No Fat Chicks" t-shirt under that shirt and I Heart Guy Ritchie tattoo under that.

simon h b said...

@simon
Big Chill 2008 - it seems to have been one-off.

Robin Carmody said...

Note the use of the word "funnymen" - like "madcap", "quizzed", "bedded" and "romp", a word that is never used outside the tabloid press.

James said...

See also: Lovenest, stunner and tot.

Robin Carmody said...

And "sir" as universal synonym, in any context whatsoever, for a male schoolteacher.

James said...

Ah, yes. Or, if the story involves sexual misconduct, 'Perv Sir'.

Robin Carmody said...

"Posh Sir" if he works at a private school.

James said...

Ooh, good one. Also, any group of people at a party/gathering where alcohol is present = Revellers.

Post a Comment

As a general rule, posts will only be deleted if they reek of spam.