Did Madonna "humiliate" a fan? Erm...

The Madonna tour of Australia isn't going well - she's been turning up late and - as a sympathetic post on Boy Culture admits - hasn't been entirely helping to calm thing down:

Madonna hasn't exactly discouraged the narrative. There's no good reason even an elaborate tour such as hers can't get it together to avoid hours-long delays, and she should just apologize rather than making light of it (“It’s you people that get here early that’s the problem. Just come late and I won’t have to come early.”). Once the media circulated stories that she was tipsy, she didn't really need to drink from a flask, even if only a moron would miss the theatricality of what she was doing. Only Madonna could give a totally free show in which she sings many songs she'd never before sung live and have the resulting press focus on her drinking a single Cosmo.

But one of the outrages turns out to not be quite what it seemed at first. A girl was invited onstage and, during the course of her time in the spotlight, a tit popped out. Or, as the narrative has it:

WTF! Madonna humiliates her fan…exposes her breast on stage

The 57-year-old pop star while performing on her tour invited a young female fan on stage and exposed her breast in the glare of the large crowd. You can see the poor girl’s shock.

That site - news7ng - was so concerned at the poor girl's humiliation it, erm, published photos.

The write-up makes it sound like Madge ripped the girl's top off, although what happened sounds like an accident. And was the fan humiliated?

Actually, no. The "girl" turns out to be a person with a name and everything, and Josephine Georgiou wasn't going to be shamed to fit a story:

Georgiou defended Madonna, insisting the whole thing was an accident. She said to The Project, "I was wearing a leather corset with nipple rings on it, she was holding on to the ring. As she was talking, she was moving, it was tugged a bit, but I didn't mind and then one was too much."

Though many were making a big deal about the situation, Georgiou was not one bit embarrassed. She told the Courier Mail, "Only I get to decide if I’m humiliated or not — why would people assume I am humiliated by my own breast, nipple, or body? I didn’t realize my boob was such a big deal — it was nothing to me.”

Jack from Jack And Jack makes it nice. Not actually nice.

Earlier this year, Ryan Seacrest ran a Make It Nice campaign, a well-intentioned attempt to try and raise the level of discourse on the internet. Amongst those signing up were Vine-grown rap stars Jack And Jack.

And how are Jack And Jack making it nice?

Erm, by calling people who post body positive images online sluts:

[Jack Johnson] tweeted: ‘I feel like I’ve seen a lot of girls use this “Body Positive” thing to post slutty pictures and not get called out for it [insert monkey with hands over mouth emoji]’

I think, Jack, you were probably looking for a emoji with a foot in its mouth.

Jack's career, like the Vine videos which started it, clearly has a tight time limit.

Gordon in the morning: Thin content

There's an especially vicious piece in Gordon's realm this morning, as Miranda Prynne (pronounced "pryin'", presumably) writes some copy around a picture of Lucy Davis shopping:

THE Office star Lucy Davis shows the strain in the wake of her marriage break-up.

The actress, 39 — who played receptionist Dawn Tinsley in the hit TV comedy — appeared gaunt as she went shopping in Los Angeles.
[...]
Her ultra-thin look is a far cry from the curvy figure she had during her Office days.

Only then does Pryin' mention that there's probably a medical reason for this:

Lucy’s weight has fluctuated since she had a kidney transplant in 1997 after renal failure.

The actress, the daughter of comedian Jasper Carrott, also developed diabetes.

Running a photo of woman who has health problems and tutting 'doesn't she look gaunt' over the top of them? What an ornament to our national life Gordon's team are.

Gordon in the morning: Aguilera fitter

Beci Wood takes to the Bizarre column to suggest there's something not-quite-right about a magazine cover:

CHRISTINA Aguilera turns back the clock with a VERY Dirrty magazine photoshoot.
[...]
Christina's body also appears to have been remodelled — indicating the photoshop wizards have been hard at work.
[...]
It's just a shame magazines feel the need to get the airbrush out.

Hang about... this is someone in The Sun complaining about reality being manipulated to make something fit the needs of a publication? Really?

Still, two cheers for The Sun taking a stand against setting up ridiculous expectations of body image. Clearly, Beci isn't the sort of person who is part of the journalistic trend of tutting over women's bodies reacting to food and the passage of time...

The 31-year-old star's yo-yo'ing body shape has been the subject of many discussions.

In the snaps a chain metal belt is wrapped around the star's 'waist' while her arms look much thinner than recent images we've seen as she poses hand on hips.

Oh. So this faux outrage about photoshop is just an excuse to point out that sometimes women's body shapes change when they have babies. At least the Mail doesn't pretend to be concerned.

I'm indebted to Michael M, by the way, for pointing out a story from Gordon Smart - with his actual byline - from last Sunday's News Of The World ("Sun on Sunday"): Woman eats breakfast in restaurant.

Gordon in the morning: Weight a minute

Gordon claims this morning that Adele is on some sort of a diet.

Really? How does he know?

A source said...

Oh, so it's almost certainly bollocks then.

But how will Gordon explain this story if, in a couple of months time, Adele hasn't shuffled into line and adopted the only acceptable body shape for a young woman in the public eye?

But although she is keen to drop a few pounds, she has been telling pals she doesn't want any weight loss to give the wrong impression to her female fans.

Aha! So Gordon's big story is basically 'woman might be planning to eat more healthily; unlikely you'll spot a difference'.

In effect, this is just a bullying piece having a go at Adele for not looking like Kate Moss, hung on made-up friends. Business as usual at The Sun.

Rihanna officially looks only half a million bucks

Rihanna spends half a million dollars a year on her body, apparently:

The 22-year-old is reported to be spending £980 a day on a personal trainer and £520 on a chef.

For that sort of money, you could sit on the sofa eating chips and cake, and just have your brain stuck into a younger, fitter body each December. (Looking forward to seeing the contextual ads served around this paragraph.)

Seriously, though: a thousand dollars a day for a personal trainer? Boy, did she ever get stitched up when she went to the gym on Janaury 2nd.

Gordon in the morning: Thin day

Coming this spring to Channel 4 - a whole new season of Dharma and Greg. She's a free-flowing free spirit who loves life; he's an uptight, buttoned-down kind of guy who finds intimacy and spontaneity awkward. Can their love survive their crazy mismatched coupling?

Oh... hang on a moment, it turns out that's actually a photo of Gordon Smart meeting Nadine Coyle for a chat.

I bumped into her yesterday in London's Air Studios

What a strange coincidence - and just a few hours after Gordon published a story about how thin Coyle looks these days. Just happened to bump into her, with a photographer alongside him.

Gordon, of course, doesn't really understand all this obsession with weight:

I'm a fella writing a column and I find the obsession with female celebs' weight a bit odd.

Really, Gordon?

Except when it comes to Colin Farrell, presumably:

COLIN FARRELL looks like a man who has been hanging around with AMY WINEHOUSE.

Colin was snapped after a dip in Malibu, showing off the body of a man who hasn't had a sniff of Guinness in months.

Or when reporting on a song telling Keira Knightley she's too thin:

The lyrics go: "Keira, Keira, eat your dinner. Keira, Keira, you can't get much thinner. Go to a restaurant with Michael Winner. Keira, Keira, eat your dinner."

Brilliant.

I can't imagine weight-conscious Keira will be too pleased with the tune though.

It might even put her off her dinner.

To see if you agree with Jilted see more pics of Keira in our slideshow.

And, naturally, if it'a about Amy Winehouse, well, you'd have to chip in:

AN emaciated AMY WINEHOUSE partied in London last night in scenes that have become worringly familiar for the skinny star.

And, obviously, you can't write about James Corden without mentioning it:

EDDIE LARGE, LES DAWSON and RONNIE BARKER are comedy giants in every sense of the word.

Big guys with huge personalities who got to the very top.

The latest in this noble line of plus-size funnymen to find fame is Bizarre Award winner JAMES CORDEN.

But alarming news reaches me - the cuddly comic may not stay tubby much longer.

For a man who doesn't understand the obsession with weight, he seems to write about it a hell of a lot. Perhaps he doesn't really like Kasabian, either.

Still - despite not really understanding the obsession - Gordon carried out his fearless investigation into Nadine's body shape:

To give the size of her legs some scale I put my thigh next to hers. Nadine is tiny but she didn't look unhealthily skinny.

That might just sound like a chance to rub your thigh on a pretty woman's leg, but actually - since the body mass index was revealed to be flawed - comparing your leg with a model of Gordon Smart's has become a recognised medical test.

Naturally, Gordon didn't spend all his time wondering if he should suggest comparing chest sizes, but the Ashley Cole part of the conversation was so groundbreaking, it requires its own URL:

[T]he Girls Aloud star insisted she would blank love rat ASHLEY COLE if he walked into the studios where we were chatting.

She said: "I'd just sit here and say nothing."

Woman not prepared to tolerate mate's cheating ex. Front pages, surprisingly, unheld.

PETA turn to random abuse, lose support

Peta are known for doing some dumb stunts, but now it's starting to look like they've just decided to take on everyone who isn't, like, you know, one of them. They have just run some ads in Orlando which call larger people "whales".

The poster features the back of an overweight woman and has the slogan "Save the whales - Lose the blubber - go vegetarian". That would seem to be making a pretty strong whale-person link, right?

"It appears you are implying that overweight people are like whales," WJXT-TV reporter Scott Johnson said to a PETA representative.

"Not at all," said Ashley Byrne, of PETA. "It's just a way of grabbing people's attention. It's just a provocative way to grab attention."

So putting a photo of a fatter person next to a big slogan saying "save the whales" isn't comparing a person to a big, blubbery whale, it's just being "provocative"? But isn't it being provocative because it's insensitively hurling abuse at fat people? And if it isn't hurling abuse, then how would it be being provocative?

Oh and... what is the point of being provocative just for the sake of it? What is there to respect in an organisation which is happy to run sexy pictures of slim people (like every fashion product ever), and now run photos having a go at the overweight (like diet product ads) , and yet thinks its in some way progressive?

Is it really helpful in the culture we're stuck in for an animal charity to encourage bullying of fat people?

And - come to that - if being overweight is such a terrible thing, and animals are so great, what's with the using "whale" as a term of abuse? Or is the poster suggesting that being overweight puts you on a par with one of nature's majestic giants? Or is it not even fully thought through?

The adverts have provoked some reaction though - and this, by the way, is where we get onto the music connection in this story. It's provoked Tegan And Sara to revoke their support for PETA. They just tweeted:

feeling a bit ashamed that we ever supported PETA. They should be ashamed over this.

The time to really have felt ashamed about supporting PETA, though, was when it started to emerge that, while they're very good at getting people to prance about in the nack to promote them, they're actually shit at caring for animals, and killed 95% of the animals they were 'caring' for last year.

Kelly Osbourne tries to pull a Ditto

Kelly Osbourne has shared her 'disappointment' with reaction to her recent weight loss:

"I don't like the way that suddenly now everyone likes me because I've lost two stone. Why was I a bitch before? Because I was fat?"

We're not quite sure why this is disappointing to her - did she hope that people would continue to dislike her? (Actually, we're not sure that people do like her now any more than they did when you used to be able to buy those toys of her with the duck beak where her mouth should have been, but we'll let that slide.)

The singer claimed that overweight people are vilified more than "a junkie".

Really? Or is that hyperbole?

Kelly, 23, told Heat magazine: "I was always the fat spoilt brat because I was fat."

Well, yes - otherwise you'd have just been a spoilt brat, though. It's not so much of an advantage.

Having ranted a little about being treated badly because she was fat, Kelly then, um, denies she was fat at all:

"Just because I'm a size 8-10 now doesn't mean a size 12 was fat.

There is an important debate to be had about people's attitudes to body shape; it would just be better if Kelly thought through her views before joining in.

It might also help more if you don't give interviews about how terrible the attitude to overweight people is to magazines like Heat, which are partly responsible for that sort of thing in the first place. Complaining about body fascism to Heat is like objecting to petrol consumption in Top Gear magazine.

Weighty matters

Having endured the jibes about being kept at the back of the videos and being "the fat one out of Wilson Phillips", Carnie Wilson has had gastric bypass surgery. There's a rare chance to see a popstar's stomach. On the same site Ann Wilson of Heart talks about her Lap Band surgery - believe me, you don't want to know. Personally, we think she looked better before.