Gordon in the morning: Isn't the World Cup over already?

The only good piece of news is there is still time to bung your ears up with plaster of Paris:

AN unlikely duo are in secret rehearsals for a show-stopping stint on Britain's Got Talent this weekend.

DIZZEE RASCAL and JAMES CORDEN will take the stage on Saturday night with the first public performance of their new World Cup song - Shout For England.

I know what you're thinking: how bad could it be?

Smart answers that question for us:

It's a mash up of No Diggity by BLACKSTREET and Shout, a No4 hit for TEARS FOR FEARS back in 1984.

So it's not just going to be irritating, but will also completely destroy a complex and dark song about psychotherapy by turning into a honking tune for face-painted soccerites.

And - spare us - there's a backstory to it, too:

A source said: "Simon has been sitting on this song and the idea for 15 years waiting for the perfect chance to get it in the charts.

Really? Simon Cowell was writing mash-ups in 1995, was he?

Is there any way this idea could made any worse?

Hang on - you at the back, with your hand up? You have an idea, you say?

Mobile phone firm TalkTalk are putting on free phonelines for Eng-er-land fans to ring up and record their efforts for the chorus.

Say what you like about golf, but at least it doesn't make things like this happen.