Twitterblob: Liam Gallagher

Interesting:

I actually really like Adrian Chiles… said no one… ever. I’d rather listen to Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds than listen to Chiles. LG

— Liam Gallagher (@IiamgaIlagher) June 12, 2014

Not that Liam Gallagher has these opinions, but it's interesting that he signs his own tweets (presumably a compromise given he can't use sealing wax and a signet ring).

It's also interesting that he's still doing "said no-one ever". I look forward to Liam's I can haz cheezeburger tweets in about six months' time.

UPDATE: Parody account. Bollocks. Pwnd.

World Cup: J-Lo doesn't make it to the finals

If the BBC has chosen a poor theme for the World Cup, the official song from FIFA isn't going down any more smoothly:

FIFA said in a news release on Sunday that Cuban-American rapper Pitbull and Brazilian singer Claudia Leitte will sing the official tune "We Are One" before Brazil takes on Croatia on Thursday in Sao Paulo.

The song has let down many Brazilians who complain that it sounds too generic for Bossa Nova-crazed audiences in Brazil and that it features foreign musicians singing mostly in English and Spanish. Leitte sings only a few seconds at the end of the song in her native Portuguese.

It's unclear how the song was chosen, but given this is FIFA we can't rule out brown envelopes; strange handshakes; or mysterious deals relating to global gas supplies.

On the record, J-Lo adds... something, as this picture of her enthusiastically posing with Pitbull and in no way looking like she'd much rather be elsewhere, shows:

(editor's note: the caption on that photo says it's Pitbull; I'm not entirely sure it isn't the late Mike Reid.)

Having agreed to do the awkward photocall, though, Lopez seems to have had enough, and won't join her colleagues for a quick run-through prior to kick-off:

Soccer's governing body says Lopez cannot perform at Thursday's event because of unspecified "production issues."

Not only can she not be arsed to turn up, she can't even be arsed to come up with a proper excuse for not turning up.

World Cup of Soccer: Theme time

The great thing about the World Cup being in Brazil is the massive range of options this offers the BBC for choosing a theme tune.

Who have they gone with? Seu Jorge? Nação Zumbi? Maria Rita?

Oh, man, I bet they've gone with Maria Rita. Imagine kicking off every Match of the Day with this:

But it's so difficult to choose. So many great local artists. So many distinctive local genres and sub-genres. How do you choose one to drench your Brazilian soccer coverage in a sense of place?

What have you chosen, BBC?

Stevie Wonder's song Another Star will provide the theme tune for the BBC's Fifa World Cup coverage.

The song, with its Latin American vibe, will be used as the opening sequence for all of the BBC's World Cup programmes for Brazil 2014.

Ah, yes. How better to get a "Latin American vibe" than by approaching someone from Michigan?

I suppose Brazil only has itself to blame. If just one of its artists had ever produced a single track which sounded even half-way as Latin American, they'd probably have been in with a shot of providing a tune for the event.

Perhaps it's elaborate social commentary from BBC Sport, reflecting how the World Cup has seen Brazilians shoved aside to make room for multinational brands to make money off of soccer.

The BBC is keen to stress the sort-of-historic significance of 'man licences track to broadcaster':

It is the first time the musician, 64, has given his approval for one of his songs to be used in this way.

Perhaps that's true, but this is the man who supplied the entire soundtrack for The Woman In Red, so let's not pretend opening with a Wonder song is automatically a blessing for all involved.

Glastonbury 2014: The BBC headcount

It's now a fixed point in the summer season; newspapers who dislike the BBC getting all overheated about how it takes people to do broadcasting of a music festival.

Because this is a year divisible by two and not four, that means the comparison must be made with the World Cup of Soccer, which is going to happen in the next week or so:

BBC sends 300 staff to cover Glastonbury Festival - that’s 28 more than its Brazil World Cup crew

This compares to 272 who are heading to Brazil for the World Cup

I'm sure the Daily Mail will, elsewhere on its website, be clearing space amongst the upskirt shots of teenage girls to complain about the number of BBC staff covering the World Cup as well, but for now that's the comparison they want to go for.

How can it be, then, that it takes a larger number of people to cover a number of stages running simultaneously for about a dozen channels across TV, radio and digital, than it does to cover a football event where the match coverage is provided by somebody else and which plays out languidly over the course of what feels like an entire month?

Oh, hang on. The question has answered itself, hasn't it?

We'll see you back here next year for "the BBC has more people covering Glastonbury than turned up for the defenestration of Nick Clegg".

Gordon in the morning: Cowboy style

More non-stories from outside the hospital and far, far from Cheryl's bedside as a spokesperson issues a statement:

Last night her spokesman said: "She will not be able to take part in X Factor's boot-camp stage or perform at V."

Gordon folds this into a 'return for the live finals' which, clearly, isn't what the statement said.

In other news, Gordon's byline is slapped alongside that of Carl Stroud to predict a reunion - "for one year only" of Robbie Williams and the Bits Of Take That who people like:

ROBBIE WILLIAMS is rejoining TAKE THAT for an album and tour - and a video with GARY BARLOW based on Brokeback Mountain.
[...]
Robbie and Gary will warm up with the video likening their love-hate relationship to the tormented gay cowboys in the 2005 flick.

Apart from having two blokes in it, the Williams/That relationship is nothing like the Brokeback story, really, is it? Not in any way.

It's more like when Bet Lynch came back to Coronation Street and discovered that it wasn't the place she left and just looked odd and awkward standing at the Rovers bar.

The story is incredibly oddly written, too:

[The single Shame] is about Robbie's feelings for the boyband - famed for hits including Back For Good.

Really, Gordon and Carl? You're having to slip in a line to tell us who Take That are?

Gordon's people have mocked up how it would look if you put cowboy hats on Barlow and Williams - because that's what Brokeback Mountain effectively boils down to, men wearing cowboy hats. Sadly, nobody thought to photoshop Carl and Gordon a Brokeback-style shared byline picture.

In short, then: the last goodwill left in the Take That reunion is about to dry up.

And in the North, Gordon went to watch Kasabian playing T in The Park. Gordon had a very important job to do:

The band kept a close eye on the World Cup Final.

And it fell to me to pass them the result live on stage after Spain's last-gasp win.

Let's hope the band hadn't recorded the match to watch later, eh, Gordon? Otherwise you'd be Brian Glover to Kasabian's Bewes and Bolam.

Kasabian's reaction?

When I'd told him the score, Serge declared: "We'll play their victory party in Madrid, it's as simple as that."

Will you, Serge? You might want to wait to be asked. Simple as that.

PJ (or was it Duncan) misses out

With all the horrors of the modern world, thank God the BBC keeps a sense of perspective:

TV star Declan Donnelly misses England World Cup goal

It's hard to believe, isn't it?

TV star Declan Donnelly was amongst hundreds of football fans in London who missed England's all-important World Cup goal after a power cut.

You see, Duncan (or was he PJ?) has to be like the rest of us when the electricity stops flowing. But still gets the top billing on the news report. The other hundreds? Well, they've never been in Byker Grove, have they?

Darkness at 3AM: Let's pretend

I'm prepared to bet a large sum of money that 'Saturday: issue press release saying we're bringing forward the release of the James Corden-Dizzee Rascal world cup of soccer single, citing public demand' was in the media plan from the off.

But the 3AMies are reporting it as news.

Perhaps, to be fair, they've brought forward the release date so it might be on sale while there are still some England players capable of hobbling from the halfway line to the goal mouth.

Gordon in the morning: Isn't the World Cup over already?

The only good piece of news is there is still time to bung your ears up with plaster of Paris:

AN unlikely duo are in secret rehearsals for a show-stopping stint on Britain's Got Talent this weekend.

DIZZEE RASCAL and JAMES CORDEN will take the stage on Saturday night with the first public performance of their new World Cup song - Shout For England.

I know what you're thinking: how bad could it be?

Smart answers that question for us:

It's a mash up of No Diggity by BLACKSTREET and Shout, a No4 hit for TEARS FOR FEARS back in 1984.

So it's not just going to be irritating, but will also completely destroy a complex and dark song about psychotherapy by turning into a honking tune for face-painted soccerites.

And - spare us - there's a backstory to it, too:

A source said: "Simon has been sitting on this song and the idea for 15 years waiting for the perfect chance to get it in the charts.

Really? Simon Cowell was writing mash-ups in 1995, was he?

Is there any way this idea could made any worse?

Hang on - you at the back, with your hand up? You have an idea, you say?

Mobile phone firm TalkTalk are putting on free phonelines for Eng-er-land fans to ring up and record their efforts for the chorus.

Say what you like about golf, but at least it doesn't make things like this happen.

Gordon in the morning: Not the world cup

Why on earth does Gordon give so much coverage to a scratch team he played in having a kickabout? Complete with not just photos, but also video of the fun.

I'm using the words 'fun' in no recognisable sense, by the way.

Elsewhere, there's more football nonesense as - claiming an exclusive - Smart gives acres of space to Tom Cruise:

ODDBALL movie idol TOM CRUISE reckons his pal DAVID BECKHAM will land a starring role in the NEXT World Cup - when he will be pushing 40.

Really? Did he?

Tom, who became great mates with Becks after the midfielder signed for LA Galaxy, said: "I wish he was playing in the World Cup this year. But he will be back for the next one, you know."

So Cruise didn't roll his eyes into the back of his head and wail 'Beckham... in the squad for 2014'; he just shrugged and went 'maybe next time'. Given that Tom Cruise is probably even less interested in Girl's No Touch Kicky Ball (as the Americans call football) than I am, it's more than likely he thought the next one would be next year. Or possibly even at Christmas.

Shakira misses an open goal

The drafting in of Shakira to do the Official World Cup anthem this year hasn't exactly gone down well in South Africa:

"It's horrible," local fan Lindi Munonde said. "I'm not standing for it. I mean what is our president doing about it?"

Yes. Something must be done.

South Africans are understandably upset that - having proved they could build an infrastructure to support the event, and decided to use the football as a way of proving themselves as good as any other country - someone decided they were incapable of knocking out a cheery, cheesy ditty:

"I love it that South Africans are just coming together as South Africans and saying, 'We've got our own people and it's an African World Cup. It's ours,"' 702 Talk Radio presenter Jenny Cryws-Williams said. "We are going to put on a fantastic World Cup. Why don't we have South Africans doing it for us?"

If that's upsetting, the last line of the report will shatter hearts:

Toronto rapper K'Naan's "Waving Flag" has been adopted as Coke's officially licensed anthem for the World Cup.

The World Cup has an officially-licensed Coke anthem? What exactly does that mean, besides anyone who thinks about it feeling a little queasy?

Glastonbury 2010: Football stops bands

Glastonbury organisers - or, at least, Emily Eavis - are fretting about what to do with the World Cup of Football matches which clash with next year's festivals.

Back in the past, a healthy "well, these people have paid a ton of cash for an arts and music festival, so presumably if they were that interested in the football they'd have stayed at home to watch the bloody football" might have prevailed. But that line has long since vanished - mainly because hardly anyone actually seems to go to Glastonbury for the music any more.

I still have horrific nightmares following the time they stuck Jimmy Hill - wearing his St George bow tie - on the massive screen during The World Cup Of Football in France 1998.

Still, Glastonbury wouldn't be Glastonbury without a messy compromise, and while they're thinking of showing the Wednesday match on the screens at the Pyramid stage, they're not planning to do so on Saturday:

The potential England match on Saturday (26th) will be held while the festival is in full swing, so it won’t be possible to show the football on the Pyramid Stage screens, though it is possible that it will be shown elsewhere on the Glastonbury site such as on the cinema screen.

Wednesday is the first night, when the field is opening, and based on all projections, should be a match that has little influence on England's chances. Saturday, if England are playing, will be while the festival is rammed, and be a knock-out moment.

In other words, if the match does take place on Saturday and England are taking part, it's going to have a lot of people wanting to see it. Just sticking it on in one of the smaller corners of the site will result in a large number of people heading in the same direction at the same time. I hope they've thought through the implications. Back in 1998, there was nearly a nasty crush until organisers decided at the last moment to stick the match on the Pyramid stage screens as well.

Gordon in the morning: Stale Spice at the back of the cupboard

Even while giving the idea space, not even Gordon can pretend to be excited as Mel B tries to get another Spice Girls reunion:

THEY promised us there would be no more SPICE GIRLS after the reunion tour ended.

But MEL B just can't resist an opportunity to get up on stage clad in leopard print, brandishing her whip.

Scary Spice and husband STEPHEN BELAFONTE have put together a deal for the girls to reform one last time - at the World Cup in South Africa.

Bloody hell, B, have you already burned through the cash you were given for the last ill-advised reunion?

Smart comes up with a plausible reason for the plan:

I'd imagine the girls' husbands and boyfriends will be backing the World Cup plan - so they can blag a free trip to the tournament.

(Women, of course, wouldn't be interested in free tickets for the football - it's not like Mel C was known as sporty, and played football at a competitive level, is it?)

Elsewhere, young woman fails to recognise 44 year-old record shocker:

EMMA WATSON needs to gen up on her music.

The Harry Potter star was dancing to THE BEATLES' Day Tripper at the afterparty for London Fashion Week's closing Burberry show when she asked banker boyfriend Jay Barrymore . . . what the song was.

He told her - and she went bright red in front of guests at Burberry's Westminster HQ.

Really? Why would you expect a 19 year-old to know a song from her grandparent's youth? If anyone has anything to worry about this, I'd say it'd be the Beatles industry rather than Emma.

Gordon in the morning: Swine flu fever

Oasis holed up in a hotel in Venezuela. The two off Big Brother where you can never remember which was the one who snogged the Ordinary Boy and the one who was in Northern Line. These, of course, have been scares. But it was only a matter of time before a celebrity actually got swine flu.

Or, at the very least, someone who is vaguely famous - to those prepared to do a quick Google to refresh their memories - allows themselves to be photographed sweating with a mask on.

This morning, Gordon brings us the grave news about Tulisa. (I'll save you the Googling - she's in N-Dubz. And to save you further Googling, the band with the nice bloke off Buzzcocks who wore his hat the whole time.)

It falls to Jess Rogers to file the story:

N-Dubz star Tulisa ‘has swine flu’

Really? What rotten luck.

Tulisa Contostavlos, 20, flew to Athens on Thursday night for a break with family and friends after finishing a 23-date UK tour, when the band performed for thousands of teenage fans.

But she fainted and needed medical attention during the flight — then had to be rushed to hospital yesterday after a doctor noted all the symptoms connected with the potentially deadly virus.

Ah... so, in other words - she looked like she had flu. But still, to stack up the eye-catching headline, there must be some fairly strong belief that she's come into contact with the swine flu variant?

The band’s spokesman said: “We are hopeful Tulisa will be given the all-clear and will be well enough to leave hospital in the next couple of days.”

No, apparently not, then. 'Fairly well known person probably just has flu' doesn't have quite the same ring, though, does it?

There's a source, naturally:

“Tulisa’s family have been forced to wear masks and have only been allowed minimal contact. It is a terrifying time.”

Terrifying? Why? Even if it is swine flu, a young, healthy woman might not exactly welcome being unwell, but is hugely unlikely to die from it. Why would you be terrified?

I know what you're thinking - should we even be sharing this information before those close to Tulisa have been informed? Don't worry:

Band members Richard “Fazer” Rawson, 22, and Tulisa’s cousin Dino “Dappy” Contostavlos, 21, are in Britain and have been told about her illness.

"Dappy, do you remember the time you had a bad tummy? And kept sneezing? Well, Tulisa's a bit like that. She's going to have to spend some time in bedy-byes until she gets well, and then you can all play together again..."

Back in the land of the living, Gordon has some even grimmer news:

JAMES CORDEN has a lot on his plate, in more ways than one.

But the big lad from Gavin & Stacey has yet another tasty job offer that he should digest carefully.

James, aka Smithy from the hit sitcom, has been asked to perform the England 2010 World Cup song.

Ha Ha! In case you didn't spot Gordon's hilarious references, Corden is fat - that's why he's got a lot on his plate, you see - because he's eating lots, because he's fat, being a big lad. Do you see? Ha ha ha.

It gets worse, though: rather than encouraging Corden to create something horrible and new, the plan is to make something which worked well a little bit worse:

Sport Relief and the suits at the FA have asked him to team up with the England squad and cover NEW ORDER’s hit World In Motion.

Yeah - the suits, man. The suits. You stick it to those idiots who wear the suits, Gordon. Because who but a stiff wears a suit, right, man?

Oh... yes. But at least you looked like you were really, really uncomfortable wearing a suit.

Let's hope this story is like Smart's 'Moyles sacked' one, and just something he's made up to fill some space. Because otherwise, this is the future:

And my dream is to see James wearing BERNARD SUMNER’s sunglasses shouting: “Express Yourself — it’s one-on-one!”

Oh, lord.n