Gordon in the morning: Cowboy style

More non-stories from outside the hospital and far, far from Cheryl's bedside as a spokesperson issues a statement:

Last night her spokesman said: "She will not be able to take part in X Factor's boot-camp stage or perform at V."

Gordon folds this into a 'return for the live finals' which, clearly, isn't what the statement said.

In other news, Gordon's byline is slapped alongside that of Carl Stroud to predict a reunion - "for one year only" of Robbie Williams and the Bits Of Take That who people like:

ROBBIE WILLIAMS is rejoining TAKE THAT for an album and tour - and a video with GARY BARLOW based on Brokeback Mountain.
[...]
Robbie and Gary will warm up with the video likening their love-hate relationship to the tormented gay cowboys in the 2005 flick.

Apart from having two blokes in it, the Williams/That relationship is nothing like the Brokeback story, really, is it? Not in any way.

It's more like when Bet Lynch came back to Coronation Street and discovered that it wasn't the place she left and just looked odd and awkward standing at the Rovers bar.

The story is incredibly oddly written, too:

[The single Shame] is about Robbie's feelings for the boyband - famed for hits including Back For Good.

Really, Gordon and Carl? You're having to slip in a line to tell us who Take That are?

Gordon's people have mocked up how it would look if you put cowboy hats on Barlow and Williams - because that's what Brokeback Mountain effectively boils down to, men wearing cowboy hats. Sadly, nobody thought to photoshop Carl and Gordon a Brokeback-style shared byline picture.

In short, then: the last goodwill left in the Take That reunion is about to dry up.

And in the North, Gordon went to watch Kasabian playing T in The Park. Gordon had a very important job to do:

The band kept a close eye on the World Cup Final.

And it fell to me to pass them the result live on stage after Spain's last-gasp win.

Let's hope the band hadn't recorded the match to watch later, eh, Gordon? Otherwise you'd be Brian Glover to Kasabian's Bewes and Bolam.

Kasabian's reaction?

When I'd told him the score, Serge declared: "We'll play their victory party in Madrid, it's as simple as that."

Will you, Serge? You might want to wait to be asked. Simple as that.