Thin pickings today, with Gordon forced to fall back on JLS and N-Dubz to fill the yawning acres. And JLS haven't even done anything, either, apart from Aston leaving a nightclub at the same time as a woman.
For those of you who have trouble telling the members of JLS apart, Aston is the one whose blank stare appears to go into the middle distance.
There's some claim that he plays Paper, Scissors, Stone as his "chat-up" technique, which seems a bit odd. You'd think JLS would never have been introduced to the game:
Friend: Hey, Aston, do you want to play Paper, Scissors, Stone?
Aston: No, my mum says I'm not to play with scissors.
The suggestion appears only to have been made to allow the headline:
No, it doesn't work. A-stone might have been better to go with, although 'not putting this in a newspaper' would have been the best call.
Meanwhile, how goes the success of N-Dubz in America? You'll remember they've been picked up for a five year tax write-off for DefJam ("five album deal with DefJam") - so let's check in with them, shall we?
N-DUBZ' bid for US stardom has hit a problem within weeks of inking a five-album deal with Def Jam.
They spent three weeks in a Surrey studio and emerged with just one new track.
From the point of view of the rest of the world, it's more worrying that they've slapped together a new track, but given this was supposed to be the chance for them to show Island what they can do, it probably won't go down well. Def Jam will probably call the band in to HQ for a dressing down.
Fazer still hasn't sorted out a visa for the States.
Or sending someone over to dress them down, then.
It's never dull with N-Dubz.
But "dull" is surely the word?