Gordon in the morning: Allen the family

It only encourages him:

PREGNANT singer LILY ALLEN beamed yesterday "It's a Sun."

The thrilled mum-to-be took to Twitter to show off my exclusive front page story that she is expecting for the first time.

Seriously. I suspect that Allen was as much rolling her eyes as welcoming The Sun's decision to splash her womb across the paper, but that doesn't seem to have bothered Gordon.

Lily posed with a copy of Britain's favourite paper and posted it up for her two million plus followers to see.

This could turn into a recursive loop, so let's hope Lily doesn't post a copy of this story, otherwise Gordon will have to report on that, which she'll have to post, and so on and so on, until we can't remember why it wasn't really any of our business in the first place.

In other stuff that we can't quite bring ourselves to call news, Robbie Williams is apparently getting married in a secret ceremony tomorrow. Not entirely sure who it's a secret from - perhaps Gordon's using the word "secret" to mean "not yet posted to Lily Allen's Twitter for her two million followers to see":

Secretive Robbie and his bride-to-be told family and close friends of the date only last week.

Perhaps he was trying to keep it out of the papers.

Unbelievably, Gordon decides this event requires him to offer an opinion:

myVIEW
By GORDON SMART
Bizarre Editor

That bit would have been the easy bit. But... what then, Gordon? What could you possibly have to say?

ROBBIE Williams has been tamed.

Really? That's it?

Do you have anything to actually say, or is this just an excuse for a bit of name-dropping?

But his best girlfriend to date is Ayda. It's no coincidence she might just happen to be the least famous of them all. I met her when I interviewed Robbie in his mum's London flat last year. She's seriously fit.

Wow. That manages to combine being shallow with being a bit creepy.

I wonder if Gordon told Ayda she was Williams' "best girlfriend to date"?

She's good for Robbie and he's finally realised it's what he needs to keep him sane. Now he really is rich beyond his wildest dreams.

Actually, that's quite a sweet little line to end on. Pity it came after a couple of hundred words of poking the future Mrs Williams like she was a prize cow - and absolutely no suggestion that Ayda is also getting married; it's almost as if marrying Robbie Williams is something that is being done at her.