Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Gordon in the morning: Enough with the chart battles, now

Gordon has put on the spangly bikini and is parading round the boxing ring with a large card again this morning:

THERE hasn't been a decent chart battle since little JOE McELDERRY squared up to RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE last Christmas.
Really, Gordon? Only yesterday somebody - by which I mean you - told me this:
There's gonna be a lively chart battle this week as TINIE TEMPAH and LABRINTH release singles today.
Then there was Flo Rida against Roll Deep in August; Flo Rida against The Saturdays; Professor Green taking on Eminem and Mark Ronson; Professor Green squaring up to Scouting For Girls; Rangers battling Celtic; The Wanted in a chart battle with nobody in particular and Jedward and Vanilla Ice in a battle with taste.

Oh, and Jamelia and Alesha Dixon.

This time last year, by the way, Smart was using his skills as a music forecaster to prepare us for George Michael's battle for the Christmas number one.

So, all those other chart battles that Smart has been getting excited about in the last twelve months, he's now decided weren't "decent" enough to have counted.

So what's he now setting his battle-gaze on?
New boys JLS will attempt to slay man band TAKE THAT in the album charts.
JLS? Against Take That? In the album chart? Oh, yes, that's a fight of equals. Like pitching a greyhound against a horse, and then racing them round the Grand National course.

Hang about, though, Gordon spots a potential third challenge:
November 22 is also the date for the new Now! compilation
Yes, that's true. I'm sure the detail of compilation albums being listed in a totally separate chart won't spoil that competition at all, Gordon.


H. said...

Perhaps it's time to change the name of the column from 'Bizarre' to 'Will This Do?'

Blog Hoskins said...

I ended up googling grayhound and horse speed...

James said...

I bet he's a pain in the arse to work with.
"Gordon, any chance I could use the kettle now?"
"Ssssh! The coffee and the tea are in the middle of an epic who-can-dissolve-the-sugar-first battle"

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