Gordon in the morning: Nobody pastes baby on a Corden

Good news for James Corden, a father for a first time.

How does Gordon celebrate this happy event? With a photoshop horror:

Take a moment to enjoy just how shoddy that work is, by the way - the jagged shoulder, whatever the hell is going on round the neck. This is Britain's biggest selling newspaper, by the way, not a sixth form project.

The photo is captioned "Top of the tot ... tracksuit like one Smithy wears" which, erm, explains everything.

Are you interested in what Justin Bieber thinks of Dancing On Ice?

Could you pretend you are?

In a piece with the headline teaser 'Biber: I'll skate on ice show', the poppet actually says:

Justin, 17, has just one condition, saying: "Next time I see David Beckham I will say that if he agrees to do it then so will I."

In much the same way that I will run naked down Kensington High Street - on condition the Queen does it first, then.