Yes, Duff, it's 'being on the road'

Duff McKagen sounds, oh so much, like a man trying to rationalise something:

"You're away from your wife and whatever, and I don't fuck around – but there are no women on the bus," he outlined. "All of a sudden, well, your bass player's got long black hair, he's wearing his little sister's pants, and out of the corner of your eye he looks like a hot chick."

He added: "We call it 'road gay'. We don't actually act on it…"

Yes, it's not actual sexual attraction. It's just because you're sitting on a bus. It's well known that sitting on a bus for more than an hour can make you "confused" and you start fancying anything. It's why the cross-country National Express pull in at Milton Keynes for a fag break on most trips to allow all that pent-up sexual energy to dissipate. They had to rebuild the Coachway to cope.

I'm wondering if Duff has a list of these scientific explanations. I'm picturing something like:

- It must have been my eyes streaming from that hot chilli
- It must be the air conditioning has frozen my brain a little
- It must be that I'm stood too near a large magnetic source
- I suspect it's possible that he's really a woman dressed as a dude like in that Shakespeare play... yes, yes, that's probably it... he must really be a lady, and there's nothing wrong with that, is there? In fact, I maybe should get him to remove his trousers, because that's how I can be certain he's a lady, right? Obviously, he might have some sort of prosthetic device down there to make it convincing, so I'd have to check that out, maybe by grabbing it and having a good tug, just to see if it comes off... but if it's really tightly attached that might not work, so perhaps I should taste it as well, just to see if it tastes real. Yes, that'd be it
- It must have been the crate of beer and half bottle of bourbon