Gordon in the morning: Ice shards

Last week, Gordon Smart was treating Hulk Hogan like he was still an important cultural force. Turns out Gordon's still trapped in 1986 as today it's Vanilla Ice.

Gordon nods as Ice talks about his comeback tour:

The rapper is gearing up for his comeback tour and says: "I want to hit arenas and really put on a big show. I want lasers, pyros and all that stuff, a huge production."

I suspect this hasn't been run past Ice's accountant. I say "accountant", I mean his nephew who's got Excel on his computer.

"There are a few acts I like that would be great to support me – Tinie Tempah, he would be cool.

"A lot of people don't know who he is in the States, they don't play Tinie on the radio over there."

That's the big difference between Ice and Tempah - Ice is transatlantic, and isn't played on the radio either side of the ocean.

But Ice isn't a deluded fantasist - he knows that he might not get Tempah. Don't worry, though, he has a plan b. It isn't Plan B:

"I like Dizzee Rascal too. We hung out at Glastonbury and some of the other festivals so if Tinie can't do it maybe he will."

Yes. Let's hope that that mobile number Rascal gave to Ice doesn't turn out to be the number of a mincab firm in Hounslow, shall we?

Even Gordon struggles with this:

Chesney Hawkes might be keen.

Which does undercut Ice nicely. Unfortunately, it does come at the end of a big splash piece and enormous photo. If Smart believes Ice is a fantasist, why give him so much space in the first place?