We don't think that Queen Amerie is going to happen

This morning, Victoria Newton announces she's solved the problem of William Windsor's love life:

FOLLOWING his split from KATE MIDDLETON, I think I’ve found the perfect new girlfriend for PRINCE WILLIAM.

[...] But there’s only one man for her – Amerie’s clearly amorous for Wills.

Really?

“Prince William is hot!” she said. “If we hooked up I could meet the Queen. That’d be very interesting.”

'He's cute and I could meet the Queen' isn't quite the basis for a longstanding relationship, and, to be honest, doesn't really stand up the claim that "there's only one man for her", does it?

But how did you discover this potential new face at the Court of St James, Victoria? Have you been lining up potential young ladies and asking them if they'd be interested in a bunk-up with a well-connected but lightly-chinned chap?

Erm, no:

She told AXM mag

So, in effect, Victoria has been flicking through magazines looking for William's next love. And, erm, something to fill the yawning, cavernous gap that is the Bizarre column.