Britney loses lawyer

With her high-stakes custody battle looming, Britney Spears is lucky to have some top people fighting her case for her. People like Sorrell Trope, who has been involved in this sort of case for decades, with a surprising degree of success.

Trouble is, she doesn't have Trope any more: After Spears missed another court date, Trope has said "enough" and walked. Trope was the third in a line of divorce attorneys who try to make sense of the Spears case, but then fail.

Oddly, judge decides Britney hasn't improved in four days

You've got to give her something for having a crack, but did Britney really think the judge that decided the kids would be better off with Federline on Monday would have changed their mind by Thursday? Presumably all that business with getting a driving licence was intended to show a sense of civic responsibility, was it, Brit?

Britney within the sound of Bow Bells

The credulous Daily Mail reckons that Britney Spears is about to come to live in London town:

According to a US newspaper she has set her heart on fleeing to Britain, and is even developing an English accent.

A friend said: "She thinks her only hope is to move to London for a fresh start.

"She is so scared about losing her boys that her mind is racing trying to think of how to keep them."

Yes. That'd work. It's not like Britain would send back kids from America who had been taken out the country contrary to a US court order or anything.

Perhaps Britney thinks nobody would notice her in the UK - at least until someone saw her getting out a car with no knickers on. Indeed, this "friend" seems to suggest that's the case:

"Britney thinks she can arrive in London and blend in with the locals. But she doesn't have a clue how to write a cheque."

Well, Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow... she probably would blend in with past-Imperial-phase blonde Americans, to be honest.

But we do love the idea that "writing a cheque" is the skill that you need to make people think that you're British - despite many shops not even treating cheques as legal tender any more and the use of cheques being far, far more common in the US than Britain these days. Unless, of course, the friend is choosing not to reveal that part of Britney's big scheme is to pretend to be a student and will only be using the cheques to pay for the third round of the evening in a busy city-centre pub.