Gordon in the morning: Court reporter

Given that Gordon has more-or-less written off the Winehouse-Fielder-Civil union as terminal, is it really so surprising that she didn't turn up at court for the second day of Blake's trial yesterday - or that she did on the first day? Gordon's readers - and let's just imagine such a creature, who relies on Bizarre for their nourishing non-news - would surely be wondering why, if Amy has moved on to other Blakes and other men, and Blake has moved on to a mystery blonde, the pair are supporting each other in court in the first place?

Meanwhile, Gordon's delighted that Christina Aguilera is planning to have more children. Not because he believes that they are our future, but - yes, inevitably - because boobies get bigger when you're pregnant:

FANS of CHRISTINA AGUILERA’S gargantuan post-pregnancy boobs need not fear shrinkage – she’s planning on having plenty more kids to keep them pumped up.

The Dirrty beauty’s breasts have maintained their eye-popping shape and size since the January birth of her son, MAX, with husband JORDAN BRATMAN.

It's like the first incarnation of Adrian Mole in charge of a newspaper column.

Bratman now a dad... perhaps

The exact position of Christina's Aguilera potential child is a matter of some debate. Like a kind Schroedinger's Cat with added placenta. Some insist that the there is a child, while her people insist it is still a foetus at this stage.

Adding an extra edge, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are in the same hospital, Los Angeles' Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. They're also having something approximating a baby.

This doubling-up is useful; not only does it allow economies of scale for papparazi and entertainment journalists, but it also makes that episode of Friends where Monica and Janice spawned simultaneously seem a little less far-fetched. There's also the tantalising prospect of a delivery-room mix-up, with Christina bringing up Lionel Richie's grandchild believing it was her own child. You can almost smell E! and Us Magazine willing those little ID anklets to fall off...

Pregnant query

Yesterday, we had Dannii Minogue bravely announcing that she has "nothing against pregnant women"; today, we have Victoria Newton applauding Christina Aguilera for coming out:

CHRISTINA AGUILERA flashed her preggers ’n’ proud look as she and husband JORDAN BRATMAN dined out at Toscana Italian restaurant in California.

(For anyone over the age of nine, we should point out that "preggers" in nursery-speak for "pregnant.")

Pregnant and proud? Since when did pregnancy become something to be ashamed of so much that it's required a Gravid Pride movement? Is that adopting from the developing world has become so commonplace in Hollywood that people who actually give birth to their own children are seen as being impoverished in some way?

[EDIT: It was Minogue and not Louis Walsh who apparently doesn't have anything against pregnant women]