Karen O, baby

Yes, Karen O is going to have a baby.

But more importantly, this:

Gordon in the morning: Elton John makes a few quid

While I'm sure Rupert and James Murdoch will be delighted to see Gordon giving masses of free advertising to Richard Desmond's print empire this morning, why on earth has Elton John flogged his kid to Ok!? I know a new father has things to buy, but is John really so short of a few quid that he needs to do this to keep the family in nappies and romper suits?

Gordon in the morning: After birth

Serge out of Kasabian has become a father:

Serge has a little Kasabairn

Doesn't quite work, does it? A Kasbabyian, surely?

There's not much to say about 'man's partner gives birth', but Gordon never lets a chance go by to remind us that he's big showbiz pals with Kasabian who are his pals and he knows them and everything.

If only the nipper had arrived a couple of weeks ago, when Serge was up with his girlfriend for T In The Park - then Ennio would have qualified as Scottish.

Um... and?

In 2030 the national team could do with a strike partner for my No9 - little JIMMY SMART.

Yes. There was nothing tenuous about that reference.

Van Morrison's baby: Suddenly it's interesting

The mild diversion of Van Morrison's baby-that-never was has suddenly become more interesting. You'll have read elsewhere the announcement that Van had become a father again, only for the story to be denied as a malicious posting on his website. Why, said Van, I've never even heard of this Gigi Lee, who's supposed to be the mother.

It turns out, though, that not only does Van know Lee, but she was his tour manager. Oh, and a director of 14 Morrison-related companies.

Now, Morrison's lawyers - ah, they're involved now - have admitted he was "incorrect" when he claimed he'd never heard of Lee. Either Van's memory is fading surprisingly fast, or he's going to have people going through his bins for the next few months.

It's not going to end well for anyone involved, is it?

Wentz and Mrs Wentz: The next generation

Having waited until after the wedding ("the first trimester"), Mr and Mrs Wentz have now announced publicly that Jennifer Jessica Simpson is to be an auntie:

"While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family."

The baby is expected to have its mother's nose - although not until he or she old enough to consent to an operation.

Jenny Frost seeks friends for her breasts

Jenny Frost - you'll recall her from such initiatives as that attempt to send Atomic Kitten back to number one early in the Capital Of Culture year - is pushing a campaign to encourage young mothers to breastfeed their babies. She's backing the Breast Buddy scheme, which:

hopes to encourage young mothers in Liverpool to nominate a buddy from their circle of friends and family, to provide practical and emotional support while they breastfeed.

We think by "providing practical support" while mothers breastfeed they don't mean literally.

It sounds like a worthy idea, although we're not entirely clear why you wouldn't just ask one of your mates for a hand rather than go through this bizarre buddying scheme:

Mums-to-be can register for the Breast Buddy initiative by texting BUDDY to 60022.

They will receive a Breast Buddy pack which will also include a text number for them to give to their nominated buddy, so they can receive texts of encouragement to help their friend with breastfeeding.

We're sure that the Echo must have horribly mangled that sentence - presumably the friend to text support to the mothers while they're breastfeeding rather than the other way round? And what exactly would you put into a text encouraging a breastfeeding mother? You Suckle?

Still, it is a great idea. Jenny is presumably texting encouragement to former colleague Kerry Katona as we speak ("try the other one, it might not have so much gin in it.")

Baby, it's cold outside

The Western Mail reports this morning that Catatonia is popular with foetuses:

Helen Rogers, head of the Royal College of Midwives, Wales, says the anecdotal evidence from pregnant women she has cared for over the years is overwhelming.

Time and again they have told her that the voice of the Welsh pop star works like a traditional nanny’s lullaby and that babies seem to turn towards avocado if it is offered to them in the months following birth.

She said, “Babies tend to like melodies, and lots of mums tell me that Cerys has a lovely mother-like female voice that seems to be soothing for babies developing in the womb, during labour and after they are born too."

So, there's an attraction in Cerys' voice for helpless, mewling types who lack the ability to communicate in anything other than screams and tantrums. That makes some sense, but it still doesn't explain what Matthews sees in Bannerman, though.

Bratman now a dad... perhaps

The exact position of Christina's Aguilera potential child is a matter of some debate. Like a kind Schroedinger's Cat with added placenta. Some insist that the there is a child, while her people insist it is still a foetus at this stage.

Adding an extra edge, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are in the same hospital, Los Angeles' Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. They're also having something approximating a baby.

This doubling-up is useful; not only does it allow economies of scale for papparazi and entertainment journalists, but it also makes that episode of Friends where Monica and Janice spawned simultaneously seem a little less far-fetched. There's also the tantalising prospect of a delivery-room mix-up, with Christina bringing up Lionel Richie's grandchild believing it was her own child. You can almost smell E! and Us Magazine willing those little ID anklets to fall off...

New Church

Congratulations to Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson this morning, what has just had a little girl. A baby, like.

Good lord, I hope this is a misquote

Because if it isn't, Amy Winehouse really believes women are little more than wombs with shoes:

"I know I'm talented but I wasn't put here to sing. I was put here to be a wife and a mum and to look after my family.

"I love what I do but it's not where it begins and ends."

So it's not just her hairdo that comes from the 1950s, then?

"... and Cannibal Corpse for the middle names..."

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are desperate to name their six month-old child Metallica. The Swedish authorities are trying to spare the child.

The Tomaros are fighting back. Apparently, the child has already been baptised Metallica - god, presumably alone, knows how they snuck that one past the priest - but the Swedish tax authorities are refusing to open records in the name. Her mother is determined:

"It suits her," Karolina Tomaro, 27, said Tuesday of the name. "She's decisive and she knows what she wants."

Actually, she's six months old, which makes it a little tricky to suggest she's "decisive" and, while she may know what she wants, it's going to be a combination of empty headed screeching, drinking, shitting and sleeping.

Oh. Metallica does suit her after all.

Man misses man biting dog

In an all-time classic of missing the story, South Africa's News24 reports the crowd gathering outside of the Berlin hotel waiting for Michael Jackson to appear. And misses the baby-dangling incident totally.