You can really trust Gordon Smart's column

Sorry to return to Smart again, but he had a big exclusive this morning:

EXCLUSIVE
By GORDON SMART, Showbiz Editor
Published: Today at 01:42
DAVID Walliams will play Michael Barrymore in a TV drama based on the troubled entertainer's life.

The project is headed by Anne Mensah, Sky Entertainment drama chief. Also involved is Geoff Atkinson, who ghost wrote the autobiography of the late Cheryl Barrymore, the 59-year-old star's ex-wife. Filming is due to start this year.

That's an astonishing story, isn't it? Imagine Walliams doing Kenny The Kangaroo, ordering people out the Summertime Special audience and something something swimming pool.

There is a slight problem, though: it's absolute bollocks:

Hi Gordon @gordonsmart We are not doing or developing any drama on Barrymore at Sky.No big shakes but just call if u need clarity on a story

— Stuart Murphy (@stuartmurphy100) March 10, 2012

If he can't get stories right about his own bloody company, what can you trust him on? I'm starting to doubt his word when he publishes photos of himself stood awkwardly with celebrities that it's him in them.

[Thanks to Michael M for the tip]

You have to feel sorry for ITV

Cilla stropping off; Barrymore tied up arguing "Maybe the anal injuries happened to him after he'd been taken out of my pool" - is it possible to bruise a corpse? and now Nigel Lythgowe has a heart attack and Matthew Kelly finds himself with some explaining to do. At this rate, by Easter, they're going to be down to Geri Halliwell and Ant and Dec to carry the whole of Saturday night. Oh... hang about...

Le Pulp

So, apparently Jarvis is planning to move to France because it's "safer" - we're presuming he's unaware that the Daily Star has been reporting that accident prone Michael Barrymore has also been looking at houses there.

Interesting that Cocker believes that France "never gets involved in war" - since we suspect that he can't have not heard of World War II, even if he did miss Angola, we can only assume he's confusing France and Switzerland. Lets hope he's not expecting lederhosen and cuckoo clocks.

I STAND CORRECTED: We were in the shower earlier and realised we meant Algeria, not Angola.