Young Jeezy desperate to see dog-slaughterer playing ball

You can forgive Young Jeezy a little, as it's clear he's never quite had a fully-formed thought complete a journey all the way along a synapse - but is he really so keen to see animal-torturing git Michael Vick back as if nothing happened?

"That's my dude.I just talked to Michael Vick. Welcome back. I'mma just be real. I'm not saying this to be funny. I know 'em all, from Pacman Jones to Michael Vick. Sometimes keeping it real becomes keeping it dumb. It's hard enough in that position that they in. You can't keep a good dude down. He bounced back. We gonna wish him the best and tell him to stay out the strip club unless you're rolling with me."

Is Jeezy really suggesting that it's somehow the pressure of "keeping it real" that led Vick to spend six years torturing animals for money?

Perhaps sensing that splashing about in the blood of dead dogs might be a bad look, Jeezy attempts a soft backpedal:

"But you know what, I got dogs, so I feel the pet owners,"

Perhaps Jeezy is hoping that by implying he assumes that Vick's crimes were on a par with leaving a dog in a hot car on a warm day for a few minutes, the world won't conclude that he's got the empathic powers of a sun-baked rock.

If that was the plan, he then blows it by trying to suggest that making dogs fight for money, and slaughtering those that fail, is something to do with background:

"But sometimes we as a people, we come up harsh and rugged and we get excitement out of things like that, and it might not be the right thing. I don't think it was worth him losing everything he had and not being able to take care of his people around him. He was punished. He went to jail. A lot of cats don't even go to jail. But he went to jail, did his time, he's home. He paid his debt to society. Give him a football and some Gatorade, and let's get it."

A lot of cats don't go to jail. Nor do a lot of dogs, although a lot of dogs do end up dead under Michael Vick's patio.

Let's not give him a football, eh? Let's make him try and do something that can give some value to the world instead of showering him with money and pretending that he didn't kill a lot of dogs.

Luckily, it seems the people who run NFL football teams have higher standards than Jeezy, and nobody is rushing to pick up the contract for the dog-murdering Vick.

Or we could just make Vick and Jeezy play football together. In a large field of hungry, angry dogs.

Foxx takes side against hounds

Jamie Foxx has chosen to squander much of the goodwill he's built up over his career to date by not only defending animal torturer Michael Vick, but also suggesting that it's a black thing:

"It's a cultural thing, I think. Most brothers didn't know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighbourhood all the time. I didn't know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn't read his handbook on what not to do as a black star.

"I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don't get time.

"I think in this situation, he really didn't know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt."

So, we have an appeal to a benefit of doubt - which, erm, isn't there, with Vick announcing his intention to plead guilty; a bid to offer some sort of moral equivalance - hey, sometimes people don't go to prison for torturing people; and a kind of confusing suggestion that making dogs rip themselves to pieces for enjoyment and betting is part of a black culture (even if that insulting stereotype was true, it wouldn't make it right, and what would happen if a white artist played the 'the black boys in the 'hood don't know any better' card). Then it's all topped off with the suggestion that it's a problem because Vick is famous - he hadn't read the book on being "a black star": two parts insinuating that Vick is being prosecuted for being a black man who dared to get rich, rather than because he's a sick bastard who killed and tortured creatures for fun, to one part suggesting that it's celebrity and not criminality that has caused Vick his current troubles.