Gordon in the morning: Spies like JLS

Let's hope the plans for Aston Merrygold's stag do weren't supposed to be a secret, as Gordon Smart has published them today:

They [the rest of the band] have called in an ex-MI5 spook to help kidnap him and see he gets a more extreme fright than a few hours handcuffed to a lamppost.

To be fair, Ortise appears to have gurgled the details to the Sun.

Hmm. How wise is it to tell everybody - including the target - that there's going to be a hi-jinks style kidnapping of a high-profile bloke? If you were planning to kidnap a star for real, it would be useful to know there's one who would go "Ha! This is FUN! Oh, you guys..." for at least the first half-hour or so.

Still, famous people have the sort of watertight security that would mean something like that could never happen, right?

In totally unrelated news:

SIMON Cowell found a woman intruder in his bathroom — armed with a BRICK.

Are we absolutely sure this isn't some crazy prank stunt pulled by Ant and/or Dec?

Gordon in the morning: Model home

Oddly, Gordon is leading this morning on a story about Britain And Ireland's Next Top Model. Sure, it has a tangental link to JLS, but I don't recall ever having seen BINTM getting such prominence in Bizarre ever before.

Could it be because Jade Thompson, this cycle's winner, is far more interesting than any of the previous winners?

"I wanted to say hello when the band came off stage because he [Ortise]'s a nice bloke and I haven't met him in person yet. But I'm really loved up with my man."

Hardly.

Could it be because the most recent series was the first one to broadcast on Living after its acquisition by Sky?