Darkness at 3AM: Snooker loopy

Of course, if Gordon didn't run tits and ass when he's got no actual gossip, he might be reduced to this sort of space filler:

We're not exactly huge snooker fans - and news of Rocket Ronnie O'Sullivan's personal greenhouse gas emission problem backs up our view.

The 32-year-old world champ (left) let out a string of, ahem, silent but deadlies during his big win at Sheffield's Crucible theatre.

It's not just that they're running a story about a snooker player farting, but the Big Win was on Monday evening. Hold the front page - man breaks wind four days ago...