Steve Jones' American adventure comes to a halt

Whoever would have thought that Steve Jones wasn't the right person to host a high-profile primetime US TV series?

He won't be doing The X Factor USA next year.

Never mind, Simon Cowell. That bloke who used to be in The Only Way Is Essex who does the Take Me Out aftershow on ITV2 - you know, Mark something; looks like a man wearing a paper mask of his own face - he's got some time free later this year. Give him a call.

This must be what anticipation feels like

There's a new Oasis album being constructed somewhere - presumably by taking a Gerry And The Pacemakers album and sucking anything interesting out of the mix - which means the Gallagher brothers are roaming about. The pair turned up on Steve Jones' US radio show this week, talking extensively about Sven Goran Erikkson - that must have been fascinating for the LA radio audience.

Then, of course, attention had to turn to the next album. Liam:

“I’m rocking on it. I’m ’aving it.”

Be fair to Liam, when you're churning out the same bloody album again and again over fifteen years, it must be hard to think up something new to say.

Noel had more to offer, though:

“We’re mixing our new record. We recorded it in Abbey Road just before Christmas. We did two tracks in Abbey Road in ’97 but they kicked us out as we were a bit mental back then.

“We were in one of the studios listening back to one of the tunes and somebody who was mixing a classical record next door tapped on the studio and asked us to turn it down.

“There might have been swear words and the next thing was, ‘You can leave’ ”

Abbey Road. Of course, Abbey Road. Abbey... happy... losing concentration... will to live... time to get ready for bed...

Scissor, cut and paste, Stone

Thanks to James Page for the following email, which we run in full as we can't really improve on it:

Unsurprisingly it appeared on Digitalspy on Friday (or, as I believe it's
known in their offices, 'Sod it, we go home in half an hour, just copy and
paste a couple of press releases into the News section and we can all chuff
off'-day). And it went like this:

"T4 presenter Steve Jones sends up Joss Stone's infamous Brit Awards
appearance on Popworld tomorrow morning.

"Jones, dressed in a purple wig and floral dress, is seen mimicking the
bizarre mid-Atlantic accent that the 'Fell In Love With A Girl' singer
revealed at the awards ceremony last month.

"However, the presenter was forced to end his impersonation abruptly when
Stone herself arrived at the studio to record an interview for the show.

"According to reports from the set, Stone and her imitator missed each other
by a matter of seconds.

"Popworld airs tomorrow at 10.30am on Channel 4. "

(http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/showbiz/a43739/steve-jones-mocks-joss-stone.html)

So... Medicore TV presenter attempts slightly-stale 'skit' on ailing TV show
and, in a twist of almost Shakespeareian ingenuity, the subject of that skit
walks in just seconds later. Golly. It's as if Terry and June never left our
screens. No mention of whether the presenter's trousers then fell down just
as the vicar came round for tea, but that would round things off nicely.

I don't know what was worst about that story; The fact that it went into the
'News' section of Digitalspy, the blatant stench of lazy PR, or the
suggestion that us thickies in the general public are supposed to believe
that a programme on national TV is filmed in one little room in which guests
and presenters alike wander in and out unannounced, nobody sure which
popstar will stroll in next, with the risk of hilarious consequences hanging
in the air the whole time.

The only thing we'd take issue with is the jibe at Terry and June - sure, it was no Ever Decreasing Circles, but how many suburban set sit-coms gave the audience a chance to enjoy a spot of illicit pre-Casino-and-online-poker living room gambling by guessing what would collapse in the opening credits?