We are the world: 2008 World Music Awards

Back when all it did was fill a slot between two ITN Night Network news bulletins, the World Music Awards were just a little silly. Now, though, with barely a week passing between launches of yet-more-tenuous music prizes, they're starting to look like the elder statesmen of the awards worlds. Obviously not a Bevan or a Kennedy, but a Ramsay MacDonald, perhaps.

In theory.

They're still just as weak and pointless in practice, though. With all the world to choose from, the winners were:

Best rock band: Coldplay
Best selling act: Coldplay
Best female pop: Leona Lewis
Best male pop: Kid Rock
Best female pop/rock: Amy Winehouse
Best male pop/rock: Kid Rock
Best R&B: Alicia Keys
Best hip-hop: Lil Wayne

This lot almost reads like a form being completed by someone who merely wants to enter a prize draw and writing down the first names they've thought of. What has Winehouse done this year to make her the best female in any field? In the last twelve months? Exactly?

And Kid Rock? You know, it's possible to enjoy a puppet show without having to tell the glove puppet it's the Larry Olivier of its generation.

The haunting air of 'can you name a band' hangs over the diamond award, which is given each year to, oh, anyone who'll turn up. This year it went to Ringo Starr, for being in The Beatles. Ringo! Even the MTV European Awards managed to persuade McCartney to turn up. What was plan B if Ringo wouldn't show? Pete Best or Bill Wyman?

Celine Dion wins the world

The World Music Awards - older readers will remember these as an easy way for ITV to fill some of the deader night-time hours in the mid-1990s; laying claim to the "world" of the title solely by virtue of being held in a place that record company bosses fancied a tax-deductible trip to.

They're still going, you know. This year, they were in Monaco (lovely at this time of year, we understand), and they gave Celine Dion an award for "an outstanding contribution to music". And it's well deserved. She's not released an album for over 18 months, and the world of music really has been a better place for it.

Even more unlikely, Mika won five awards: new artist, male entertainer, pop/rock male artist and U.K. artist. These are, of course, awards handed out by the IFPI based on sales, so in a way you can't argue with them. But even so, let's argue with them: Mika? Are you serious?

Avril Lavigne - who, yes, we still feel has been eclipsed by the march of time - picked up bestselling pop/rock female artist and bestselling artist for the region of Canada.

Completing the comedy line-up, Akon took three prizes, although nothing for getting caught up in hilarious coincidences. Best male R&B artist, internet artist and artist from Africa were his prizes.

It says a lot about the IFPI worldview that "Canada" and "Africa" are both considered equal regions.

The other winners included:
* Pop Female – Rihanna
* Entertainer of the year – Rihanna
* Regional Award, U.S. – Justin Timberlake
* Regional Award, Australia – Silverchair
* Regional Award, China – Jay Chou
* Regional Award, Ireland – U2
* Regional Award, Middle East – Amr Diab
* Regional Award, Spain – Miguel Bose.
* Legend - Patti LaBelle

We are the world

We really wish Radio 3 would come up with a better name for their world music awards than the World Music Awards, but they haven't. And probably won't. This year's winners have been announced:

Africa: Mahmoud Ahmed
Asia/Pacific: Debashish Bhattacharya
Americas: Gogol Bordello
Europe: Camille
Mid East & North America: Ghada Shbeir
Newcomer: K'Naan
Cross-cultural: Medioni & Rodriguez
Club Global Award: Gotan Project
Album of the Year: Ali Farka Toure - Savane

It's quite an honour to be the best album out of all the albums on the planet.

We can't help but wonder if Fonseca is feeling a little bit robbed at having missed out on the Americas prize to the Bordellos.

Three-dom?

Curious that the BBC banned a folk music group from the Radio 3 World Music Awards because it was afraid that the group would use the platform to make an anti-war statement.

Interesting that the fear that the Labour Scottish Conference might be used to make pro-war statements didn't hamper the live coverage of that, isn't it?