DEBBIE GIBSON FOLLOWS IN TIFFANY'S MISSING SHOES AGAIN: Debbie Gibson - or Deborah, as she likes to be thought of nowadays - is hitting the comeback trail the only way she knows how. Back when we were all a lot younger, she'd tease us with a glimpse of naked knee through her jeans. Now we're all a lot more grown up, she's going to show us the rest with a Playboy spread. It all makes sense, of course, because she's promoting a single called Naked - presumably, had she recorded a single called Violate Me With A Ornamental Marrow, the photoshoot would have appeared in Hustler.

Not all her fans are as thrilled as you might expect, as the early slew of posts to the Debbie Gibson Usenet group are rather alarmed at the prospect (although we suspect some regular posters to the group would have been thrilled by the news that they'll finally get to see if the pictures they made with Photoshop, the Out of the Blue album cover and a few back issues of Readers' Wives were as accurate as they hoped; it's just they might have found getting to a computer that bit more tricky under the circumstances). For example Darius Z is very grumpy indeed:

So Deborah is going to do Playboy... why am I no longer suprised. Deborah, you've signed the death nail to your own career, you will never be taken seriously again. Your words you've used in the past against artists who are so "sexual" and how you said that you should keep the imagination (so no pose in porno mags) will come back to haunt you.

We're very keen to watch someone signing the death nail to their own career, which isn't so much a mixed metaphor as a metaphor wedged into a smoothie maker set on its highest level, of course, but there's a lot of truth in what Darius has to say. Already, there's talk that such frothy business as topless posing could really harm Gibson's chances of winning the Shortlist Music Prize next year.

THE BACK CATALOGUE IN THE FOREGROUND: We don't want to be cynical, but the bidding war that we're hearing about for Oasis right now - fifteen million for a three-album deal? - sounds like figures made up by a beaten-out group desperately trying to barge the price up.

REQUIEM FOR LARGELY IGNORED YOUTHS: There's a nice piece over on Drowned In Sound at the moment marking, with the demise of Ikara Colt and McClusky, the end of the Scene With No Name.

WE'RE SURE THERE WILL BE HUGE DEMAND: Incredibly, Victoria Beckham has decided to become a songwriter. For other people.

"I would like to have my songs played on the radio, but if they are not being sung by me, at least this way I am still involved."

Do you want to tell her, or shall I?

WHAT HAPPENED TO DOT?: A working definition of 'misery attracts misery', then: Pete Doherty is Kate Moss' current beau. In one of the oddest friend's comments of all time:

A friend added: "Pete is in love and determined to clean up his act."

Yeah, because there's no way you could be on drugs and in Kate Moss' life, is there?

Pete, of course, is very touching about his position as the 79th rock star to date Kate this year:

"I've really found love with Kate. I think it will last. She's good for me because she's got a beautiful soul and I think I can trust her. I believe her when she says she love me and I know I mean it when I say I love her."

AND TONIGHT I'M ON THE TRAIN: Although the article is rather upbeat about the way he makes his living these days, we can't help feeling it's a terrible, terrible waste and an enormous comedown for Thomas Dolby to be writing telephone ringtones.

STIPEY STOLE MY STICKSMAN: After nearly eight years without a proper drummer since Bill Berry went off to build a giant replica of a garden in his back garden, REM has appointed a full-time replacement. It's Bill Reifin, who was drummer with both Ministry and Revolting Cocks - not quite as surprising a step as it would have been if he'd not played on Around The Sun, perhaps, but still quite a leap from the Cocks drumstool to the riser at the back of the international stadium stage.

ALL NEXT MONTH'S PARTIES: The line-up for Slint's crack at All Tomorrow's Parties is starting to firm up a little more - this is what you can do while the wind whips off the channel and freezes your testicles down at Camber Sands on February 25th-27th:

The Melvins - Deerhoof - Bad Wizard - White Magic - Slint - Mogwai - Matmos - Love as Laughter - Need New Body - Miighty Flashlight - Faun Fables - Spoon - Mum - Brightblack - Born Heller - Mark Kozelek (Red House Painters) - Neil Hamburger - King Kong - The Naysayer - Endless Boogie - Pearls and Brass - Rednails - Sean Garrison - Earlyman

Tickets at 120 quids still available, but don't forget that includes a proper building to sleep in.

NEW ADVENTURES WITH HI-FI: If you're in London on the 12th of February, you could do a lot worse than slap yourself on a tube and get over to the Notting Hill Arts Club. Rota are hosting an I Love Invicta Hi-Fi evening, with Pop Levi and the Emergencies, Snap Ant, the lovely eyes of Esa and Danny and Reuben from Ladytron doing things with records and turntables. Best of all, like a kind word from a pretty stranger or a poorly-guarded pie on a windowsill, the whole thing is free.

ODDLY, NOT THE 'MID-LIFE CRISIS' TOUR: If we'd been thinking of going to see Sting - okay, that's an unlikely opening, isn't it? But imagine we had - we'd be hiding our tickets as news of what he's planning for Sting Tour 05 comes in.

First of all, he's "ditched his large back-up band" because this, oh yes, is to be a "no frills rock n roll tour" (he's lived abroad so long, he probably won't realise the Kwik Save cheapo implication that now clings to the phrase 'No Frills'. Best of all, the tour is called The Broken Music Tour, named after his self-serving sobobiography. Seriously, we'd be making other plans:

"I was ready for a change," Sting, 53, told Reuters in response to questions submitted by e-mail. "The idea of going out and playing guitar-driven music coupled with performing at colleges, something I haven't done since the Police days, was extremely exciting... Certainly there will be songs that are guitar-drivenIt will be pretty raw and stripped down, different from anything I've done in a long, long time..."

In other words: He's sick of doing stuff nobody really cares about and wants to see if he can go back to when he was actually liked.

THERE'S POOR JUDGEMENT, AND THEN...: We're still not entirely sure how anyone at New York's Hot 97 could have thought a jolly song about the tsunami was worth broadacasting, much less acceptable:

The piece used racial slurs to describe people swept away in the disaster, made jokes about child slavery and people watching their mothers die. "You can hear God laughing, 'Swim you bitches, swim,"' was one line in the song.

You might wonder what senior management were doing while the song was broadcast. In the case of Hot 97's programme director, Tarsha Nicole Jones, she was actually presenting the show. Presumably she judged that once the death toll passed the quarter million mark, it became fair game for a bit of a snicker.

CLUNKY HANDOVER, DEAD AIR: It's good to hear that the BBC is showing even more commitment to its Radio Player, although a lot of the updates to the system merely allows listeners to use the player like the normal real audio player, and most committed BBC Radio fans online have long since been harvesting the stream address and pasting it into their player anyway. But we're a little surprised that in order to manage the handover, it's taken the service offline for 24 hours.

Still, a lot of the programmes which up until now haven't been archived will be (including, unfortunately, Vernon Kay) so it should prove to be worth it in the end.

In other BBC archive pleasure - as part of the Newsnight 25th anniversary celebrations, you can enjoy once again Mark E Smith on the Peel memorial programme. Remember: his Mum thought he was "very self-assured."

IF CURTIS HAD LIVED...: We're sure that the new New Order is going to be an interesting record at the very least, but it's funny to see the only band who can truthfully claim to be heirs to Joy Division's crown jostling for position in the Waiting For The Sirens Call press release:

Noone else is so spiky, so startling, innovative and inspirational; noone else makes pop music for clever people that hits the heart as well as the head. In 2005, when every other up-and-coming band cites Joy Division and New Order as inspirations, it’s fantastic to have the real deal back – and on such blistering form.

To be honest, Order, hardly any band cites New Order as an inspiration, it's always Joy Division - this is like pretending the forthcoming Ian Curtis biopic is The Life of Hooky as well. And to be even more honest, the current New Order aren't the same sallow Mancunian youths, even allowing for the loss of Gillian on this album, as the glimpses into the tracks demonstrates quite clearly:

I Told You So (New Order)

Bernard: “I was on holiday on my boat in the Caribbean, tuning in a shortwave radio into all these mad stations...

And with all these bands pretending to be Joy Division, who are New Order citing as influencing this album?

"It reminds me of Primal Scream, the sentiment and the rocky Stones-y vibe"

In other words: Rocks/Give Out But Don't Give Up era Primal Scream; making New Order a band cloning a band following their own creative blind-alley behind a band at their worst. So, pop didn't eat itself; it just hung around waiting for itself in the dark before smashing an old wine bottle over its own head.

Still, the press release suggests it isn't all as horrific as that...

IF CURTIS HAD LIVED...: We're sure that the new New Order is going to be an interesting record at the very least, but it's funny to see the only band who can truthfully claim to be heirs to Joy Division's crown jostling for position in the Waiting For The Sirens Call press release:

Noone else is so spiky, so startling, innovative and inspirational; noone else makes pop music for clever people that hits the heart as well as the head. In 2005, when every other up-and-coming band cites Joy Division and New Order as inspirations, it’s fantastic to have the real deal back – and on such blistering form.

To be honest, Order, hardly any band cites New Order as an inspiration, it's always Joy Division - this is like pretending the forthcoming Ian Curtis biopic is The Life of Hooky as well. And to be even more honest, the current New Order aren't the same sallow Mancunian youths, even allowing for the loss of Gillian on this album, as the glimpses into the tracks demonstrates quite clearly:

I Told You So (New Order)

Bernard: “I was on holiday on my boat in the Caribbean, tuning in a shortwave radio into all these mad stations...

And with all these bands pretending to be Joy Division, who are New Order citing as influencing this album?

"It reminds me of Primal Scream, the sentiment and the rocky Stones-y vibe"

In other words: Rocks/Give Out But Don't Give Up era Primal Scream; making New Order a band cloning a band following their own creative blind-alley behind a band at their worst. So, pop didn't eat itself; it just hung around waiting for itself in the dark before smashing an old wine bottle over its own head.

Still, the press release suggests it isn't all as horrific as that...

CASH SCOOPS VIDEO LIST: We're so surprised that Johnny Cash's almost unwatchably brittle Hurt has come top of 3's best video poll that we're almost not bothered enough to throw slippers and shoes at the rubbish premise for the list in the first place. It's meant to celebrate music video history, yet because they're 3, they had to work the number three in somehow, so its marking "over three decades" of music videos - which is both arbitary (why not 'over three hundred thousand videos made', say, or 'more than 3,333,333 hours of music videos shot') and wrong. Or at least, accurate but misleading, since this year is probably the 75th anniversary of the pop video, if you measure from Bessie Smith's Saint Louis Blues; or over sixty years, if you start from the Soundies produced for the visual jukeboxes in the 1940s.

CHOICES, CHOICES: Ah, how truly are we spoiled in this country, with The Stereophonics planning a series of "secret" gigs this week - follow the sound of the wailing cats - and Alanis Morissette issuing fair warning of gigs in London and Manchester. So many great reasons for going to bed early with a cup of cheese and a book.

WHEN I'M SIXTY-FOUR... THIS YEAR: He's been thinking about retirement, apparently, but Ringo Starr has decided he's going to keep drumming. All the while he can just about hold the drumsticks and knock out something resembling a rhythm, he'll carry on. After all, it's a style that's served him well for forty years, so why change now?

This joke, Ringo Is A Poor Drummer, is on temporary loan from the Rock and Roll Jokes Hall of Fame. It is believed to be somewhere in the region of 300 years old.

GREAT HEADLINES OF OUR TIME. A BRIEF SERIES: Britney Takes Her Mind Off Getting Pregnant - yes, if we were trying to do it with Kevin, too, we'd find ways of trying to take our mind off that too - perhaps by closing our eyes and pretending he was Justin, or maybe just staring really hard at the ceiling until Kev had managed to keep his end of the deal up.

MY DRUG HELL: While we're fascinated that Lee Ryan once took so much cocaine he thought he was going to die - how much would that be, exactly, Lee, we're kind of puzzled that he's going public about it in a bid to warn The Young Peoples off the drugsmackcrack bandwagon. Ryan warns:

"I've seen what cocaine can do to people and it is bad. My message to young fans is 'Don't take drugs, it can ruin your life'."


Some of The Young People consider Ryan's warning

But Lee has said he took a portion of cocaine when he was fifteen and his life is somewhat sweet: a steady job, a modicum of fame, access to groupies of all shapes and sizes - all achieved with the minimum of brain power and on a wafer-thin talent ('looks good in jeans'). How, exactly, did snorkling drugs ruin your life, Lee?

Having said which, there is a clear signalling of the danger of the overblown ego which coke abuse can give you:

"I realise I am a role model for young people..."

Another snort and he'd have been the King of Fuckin' Rock, too, La.

MEETING OF MINDS: There's something pleasing about the potential transfer of Andrew Lloyd Webber's theatre holdings to P Diddy, representing a transfer of assets from a man who has mainly thrived by coasting his repetitious ideas off the back of more talented collaborators, with a reputation for the trophy girlfriend and a love of tacky ornamentation and populist drivel to... well, another.

WHEN PRESS OFFICES HAVE NOTHING TO RELEASE: Remember a couple of years back when Oasis were so thrilled that someone had heard of them in America they rushed out a press release trumpeting how they were being featured on the soundtrack of a programme? Birds of Prey, it was. Nope, we never did, either. Well now, they're reduced to bothering newsoutlets with "stories" that their songs are being covered by clodhopping acts on The OC. If things get any grimmer in the Gallagher camp, it'll be "Copy of Be Here Now sold in South Dakota" bulletins soon.

BAD NEWS FOR THE KABBALAH CENTRE: Although the comfort of a high-profile endorsement from Madonna may help the KC push their standard Canadian springwater and red string, they should be aware of what happened to one of Maddy's previous fads: the chiuahuas she grew tired of ended up beaten and abandoned at a California Animal Rescue (not, we should stress, beaten by Madonna). Let's hope she realises a cult is for the afterlife, not just for not doing Christmas.

THE WRITMAN AND HER: There's trouble brewing for Pete Waterman: His PAL productions is being sued by Kylie Minogue. Kylie claims that Waterman's Australian company has paid her short on royalties from her 1992 Greatest Hits compilations. Kylie sent in auditors who discovered a AUS$830,000 shortfall; a payment by PAL of half a million has left her still hungry for costs, damages, interest and some money for something fluffy for herself, so they're all heading courtwards.

AFTER THE WELSH, IT'S THE TURN OF THE SCOTTISH: Another Home Nation, another Tsunami benefit. Although they've set a target of a quarter of a million, which is more modest than the Welsh effort, the Scotland gig has a far better line-up: Franz Ferdinand, Belle & Sebastian, Mull Historical Society, Mogwai, Idlewild, Teenage Fanclub and Trash Can Sinatras. Okay, there's also Deacon Blue, Travis and Texas, but that'll give you a chance to pop out for lollies and a drink. February 19th at the Glasgow SECC, and now Northern Ireland, England: we're waiting.

BIGGER BLOC: Bloc Party, the band who'll save us all, have added an extra couple of dates to their April tour... and, even more excitingly, are going to be on CD:UK on the 29th.

Them tour dates would be:

April 13 London Astoria; 14 London Astoria; 15 Glasgow Barrowlands; 17 Manchester Academy

GOODIES!: Like a spark of joy unspotted by the midweek listings, Ciara has bounced over the Chemical Brothers to rescue us from Elvis hell. Oh yes, her Goodies has crashed up into the number one slot, depriving dead Elvis from the third number one of his planned five-month stranglehold on the UK charts. We'd guess the sudden change of fortunes from Wednesday would be down to Elvis fans being the sort to rush out on day of release to get their single to go into the singles box as soon as possible, while other records can benefit from time for people to get used to hearing them on Heart across the week. In other words, by midweeks, Elvis has shot his load, and has nothing in revserve.

Meanwhile, Simon Tyers writes with the following observation based on chart figures:

In light of everything that's been said about how downloads need adding to the singles chart to stop its perceived decline, I was interested to see BPI figures released last week about the popularity of downloads. While numbers of download sales have indeed overtaken single sales, with up to 60,000 songs to register every week the best-selling download track of 2004, Vertigo, sold a total of 40,000 in fourteen weeks to the end of the year (nine weeks at number one), about twice the amount numbers two and three sold together. The total top 20 made up about 10% of the total market (the equivalent for the singles chart takes up about half). No wonder BMG are so smug about Elvis' pre-eminence.

TSUNAMI GIG REACTIONS: Obviously, the headline figure - £1,248,963 for the tsunami appeal - is the main thing, and you can't really quibble about the sound so many quids hitting the charity bucket, even if the spectacle itself will live forever in the collective memory as things we wish we'd never seen. As Soundgenerator reported it,Eric Clapton and Jools Holland were joined by many of the day's acts for a collaborative rendition of 'Shake, Rattle and Roll'. Truly, you have not enjoyed yourself until you've seen the Goldie Lookin' Chain peering out from a crowd of the boogie-woogieng superannuated. Or, indeed, the shots of GLC rehearsing that cropped up on Breakfast 24 of the Rap Wurzels going through their motions in their daywear of Peacocks sweaters and jeans.

BBC News Online found the organisers in buoyant mood after a succesful day: Organiser Paul Sergeant, the stadium's general manager, said the evening had been "phenomenal". He said: "The crowd have left singing. Everything has gone - for the whole three weeks - so smoothly. We have shown that this is Wales, we are capable of delivering . If the opportunity came round we would do something again." Yes, let's hope that the Millennium team don't have to wait too long for another quarter of a million deaths for their next opportunity, shall we?

We were also taken with the caption BBC News provided for this picture of Brian McFadden:



Brian McFadden, who has only recently launched a solo career, came on after Aled Jones - it's not recorded how Aled responded to this coming on.

Worldwide, it was Eric Clapton who was the main attraction - The Associated Press coverage was hung off old' Creamyhands shoulder, despite the competing demands of Lulu and Lemar.

It wasn't all best faces for the day, though, Digitalspy reports the Sunday Mirror's coverage of the negative reactions: The crowds reacted badly to Eric Clapton, Craig David, and the Manic Street Preachers, according to the newspaper. As Charlotte Church was about to be brought on-stage, she received a similar treatment, prompting presenter Edith Bowman to plead, "Come on, she's Welsh. Tony Blair and Gordon Brown were also in the crowd's bad books - by allowing their feud to continue and sending separate messages of support." - although, to be honest, we're not sure how the Mirror feels able to tell the difference between standard booing for politicians and booing over specific reasons. Maybe the crowd chants of "Goodness, Gordon, this isn't the time to be scoring points over the ongoing fall-out of the Granita dinner agreement" were faded down by the BBC.

Actually, the Mirror seems to have got it slightly wrong - Jessica of All Hail Commodore Powee - who should know, cause they were they, records Tony Blair sent a video message and got booed. Serve him right, the useless goit. Gordon Brown didn't, though, but then again he wasn't only spouting the usual "OMG SO SAD MUST ALL STICK TOGETHER VOTE FOR ME KTHXBAI" nonsense Blair was. Hurrah; obviously everyone hates Blair. Mind you, Jessica also claims that the pianist from Keane plays piano like he's having sex. One-handed?

Still with the blog reaction, Charlotte Church failed to delight A Little 2 Frank: i thought she was awful...there was a particularly cringe-worthy moment half way through where she told the audience to 'clap, clap, clap'...oh dear...you've either got stage-craft to pull something like that off, or you havent...she...didnt!.... and managed to separate out very-wrong-thoughts about Kelly Jones from his dull performance: he was looking the hottest he's looked for a long time coz he's cut off his hair etc..his voice sounded great, but he took everything so slow...in Local Boy I was watching the flippin 'clock going back'...he had all this lyrics out as well on a stand...i think Kell's losing his way...must've been hard for him with the band splitting etc, but it seems he's turned to something that was certainly taking him well out of this planet....shame Kell....he's better than that...still...he's a demi-God and i'm sure he'll come round and find a better way to face his problems....so hot, so hot!

Mark My Words spent the whole day watching on S4C, and entertainingly details the events, from Craig David's Jamie Oliver lookalike guitarist, through Snow Patrol's sound problems and past Heather Small. Apparently there's a massive gap before the Manics come on during which we are treated to comperes Alex Zane (of MTV movie reviews fame) and Fearne Cotton (of children's television fame) struggling to entertain the crowd with some unscripted 'I can't hear you' crap during the delay.

Oddly, the Manics play before Heather Small, Feeder, Lulu and Liberty X, which would normally lead you to assume that the order had been decided by drawing lots. Maybe Nicky wanted to make sure he caught a train home before the engineering work kicked in? Heather Small had been on Breakfast 24 in the morning saying that she felt it was "a duty" for her to be there, although I'm not sure there's a music lover alive who would have worried had she been excused that duty.

The one thing we can be thankfull for, I guess, is that neither of the big charity singles so far (Tears In Heaven nor Grief Never Dies) were used for the big singalong at the end. Even if it did mean that the end to what everyone is calling "the biggest benefit gig since Live Aid" (although we'd have thought the Mandela gig would have claimed that title) seemed more like last orders at a Dock Road pub on a Saturday.

It raised lots of money, but more can never hurt: DEC will gladly accept funds.

TREADING ON JOURNEY STARTS WITH A SINGLE STEP: The feeling that the Walk of Fame in Hollywood is starting to run low on people to grant the special star-shaped paving slabs to can only gorw with Journey unveiling their square foot of pavement.

"Who could have imagined, so many years later, a star on the Walk of Fame"

The Associated Press report is a bit vague on who actually said that - it's written in a way that impplies is Steve Augeri who expressed the sense of wonder, but surely someone who joined the band in the mid-90s wouldn't be quite so amazed, would they?

Rather sweetly, Steve Perry - the original singer - turned up, even though he hadn't been invited ("wasn't scheduled to appear" as the event organisers described the snub), and snorted over the whole thing:

"No one ever mentions the unsung heroes, the road crew who ... made us look good."

Wouldn't worry, Steve: the way they're starting to cast around to find new people to add to the walk, they'll be adding roadies and sound engineers by the end of next year.



There's a couple of interesting things about the event photo - Augeri is dressed all in white, while Perry is dressed all in black (the Brothers Grimm couldn't have orchestrated that one better) and, although they weren't expecting him, they still had a framed star thing to give to Perry. Do you suppose they produce them for all the ex-members of bands just in case they turn up? We'd like to see the lorry lugging framed certificates if The Fall ever gets one.

THE AMERICAN DILEMMA: DYLAN VERSUS ROTH: The shortlist for the American National Book Critics Circle prize is going to cause some difficult decisions for people of a certain age, as it pitches Bob Dylan against Philip Roth. Chronicles, Volume 1 is taking on The Plot Against America, and by pitching the Thinking Midlife's musical hero against the Thinking Midlife's literary hero, the NBCC have almost created a "can a man swim faster than a shark" or "could Hercules defeat Darth Vader" cross-category battle. All the other competitors seem to be convinced that Dylan's going to romp home:

"Who can possibly compete with Bob Dylan?" fellow finalist Ron Chernow said with a laugh. "But the reviews have been so uniformly interesting I'm not surprised."

"I'm of Dylan's generation, so it's a thrill for me," said nonfiction nominee Stephen Greenblatt, a leading Shakespeare scholar who at age 61 is two years younger than Dylan. "I had never thought I would be competing for an award with him."

Philip Roth was last seen drunk and snarling in the middle of the city shouting "C'mon Zimmerman, if you're so hard... I'm gonna make a freakin' rock album... see you at the Grammys, Bob..." before being lead home by Tom Wolfe. Wolfe was carrying a big bag of copies of I Am Charlotte Simmons with their covers torn off put an arm round Roth saying "we're all a little disappointed, Phil..."

ISN'T THAT WHAT THE PROSECUTION IS MEANT TO DO: We're not sure what Jacko is hoping his defence team will do for him, but we hope he's not putting all his faith in them as they don't really seem to have very much idea how a trial works. They're now objecting to the plans by the prosecution to call a child abuse expert on the grounds that if they explain the way abused kids sometimes "demonstrate affection or even love for the person who does the offence" that might bolster the accuser's credibility. In other words, they're objecting to an expert witness filling in the background to the case. Next it'll be "ooh, sir, that witness implies Michael is lying." It's not the behaviour of a confident defence team.