WHAT IS IT ABOUT AIRPORTS AND LENNON?

If it wasn't bad enough that Liverpool Airport had rebranded itself Liverpool John Lennon (apparently, and genuinely, after one of the managers had flown out of John Wayne Airport) and that all the signage there now says 'Above Us Only Sky', in a meaningless fashion (there are, surely, planes above them, too?), now Luton Airport is getting in on the act. Not be giving itself a stupid name - it's already got the London Luton official title, which is insane enough (they should make the heads of airports walk to the places they claim to be from their own airports, preferably on hot days with no water and carrying a full suitcase). No, Luton has carried out some sort of poll which has found that the lyric of All You Need Is Love is the greatest words ever spoken, and so they've painted them up around the airport.

We've flown out of Luton, and to be honest, in that context, "Flight 277 to Liverpool is now, finally, boarding" is a whole lot greater.

music airports beatles luton

COURT DATE

What are you doing Thursday? You could, if you were in Detroit, nip down to Room 858 of the Theodore Levin Courthouse and watch the MC5 legal spat makes it to the frontend of a judge. This is, of course, the case where the estate of Rob Tyner are suing the surviving members of the band over the copyright on the songs. This is what Patti Smith had to say about the case recently in the Chicago Sun-Times:

Q. There's been quite a bit of controversy in Chicago between filmmakers David Thomas and Laurel Legler and the surviving members of the MC5, particularly Wayne Kramer, who are blocking the release of their film, "MC5: A True Testimonial." You were married to the late MC5 guitarist Fred "Sonic" Smith. Where do you stand on the issue?

A. I feel very sad about it. I haven't seen the film, but my son has seen it. He thinks it's great. He really wanted to see it come out. I mean, I've done everything that I can legally do to help them. The MC5 era was before my time, so I know very little about it, except that I hope that the filmmakers get a chance to distribute their film. I don't have very much respect for Wayne Kramer as a human being, so I can't really make any judgment. I haven't found him to be an honorable person. I shouldn't comment on it because I haven't seen the film, but I take my son's word that it was good and good for his dad.

They were a great band and they should be remembered. And they should be remembered together. This film is a very good opportunity to give them recognition. I don't understand why he would want to block it except for monetary reasons. The only reason I haven't seen it is just it's hard for me to watch Fred. It's just painful.

With the judges involved, it's almost certain to get panful for everyone now. Except for the lawyers, set to make an extra car or two out of it. Ironic that the MC5 legacy is going to be pissed away on legal actions. Muthafukers.

Help fund the lawyer's new cars:


MC 5 - Back In The USA
music mc5 patti smith fred sonic smith wayne kramer

NO SURPRISE, BUT EVEN SO...

Billy Idol only owned two pairs of leather trousers during the whole of the 1980s. I'm sure you can all extrapolate what that must have smelled like. He would throw cologne over them to try and mask the stench, but that's rather like put an Airwick inside a charnel-house:

"You had to warm them up because they were stuck together. That's the reason I started wearing cologne, to hide the stench of the fucking rotting, fleshy, slimy shit.

"The lower part of my body was blue, because the leather would bleed onto the skin.

"Instead of Old Blue Eyes, they'd call me Old Blue Balls."

music billy idol

A GLIMPSE INTO A WORLD WHERE THE SUN NEVER SHINES

David Beckham - he used to be a famous footballer a few years back - has been talking about his wife's delight at having an apparent eating disorder or at the very least, an unhealthy obsession with her weight:

The England superstar told GMTV 'Tor' was already "very happy" with her post-baby figure just three weeks after giving birth.

"She's very happy - she didn't put much on anyway, to be honest, she only had this little cute bump. But she's really good and really healthy," said Becks.

"She's great and she's losing the weight quickly, which is pleasing for her."

You might have thought she'd be looking for joy in her new born baby, or in the warmth of her loving family. Nope; it's seeing the scales tip at the right point which pleases Victoria.

And the name for the baby? Well, apparently, that was all about showing off, too:

"We just wanted something different, of course, because that's the way we are..."

Right, so the child has been lumbered with a name for its social cachet, has it? (Not, actually, that Cruz is all that different, if you're living in Spain)

"... and we actually struggled with Cruz's name because it was right up to the last couple of days and we just couldn't decide what to call him. We love it. You have to do the little test, Victoria was in the lounge and I'd go outside and shout upstairs, "Cruz, come down!" and then we said, "Yes, that's the one!"

Actually, we bet that while they might have been standing at home, they were picturing how it would sound at a social event - Victoria imaging the turning heads. Well, he'll always be Tim to us.

music victoria beckham david beckham

A GLIMPSE INTO A WORLD WHERE THE SUN NEVER SHINES

David Beckham - he used to be a famous footballer a few years back - has been talking about his wife's delight at having an apparent eating disorder or at the very least, an unhealthy obsession with her weight:

The England superstar told GMTV 'Tor' was already "very happy" with her post-baby figure just three weeks after giving birth.

"She's very happy - she didn't put much on anyway, to be honest, she only had this little cute bump. But she's really good and really healthy," said Becks.

"She's great and she's losing the weight quickly, which is pleasing for her."

You might have thought she'd be looking for joy in her new born baby, or in the warmth of her loving family. Nope; it's seeing the scales tip at the right point which pleases Victoria.

And the name for the baby? Well, apparently, that was all about showing off, too:

"We just wanted something different, of course, because that's the way we are..."

Right, so the child has been lumbered with a name for its social cachet, has it? (Not, actually, that Cruz is all that different, if you're living in Spain)

"... and we actually struggled with Cruz's name because it was right up to the last couple of days and we just couldn't decide what to call him. We love it. You have to do the little test, Victoria was in the lounge and I'd go outside and shout upstairs, "Cruz, come down!" and then we said, "Yes, that's the one!"

Actually, we bet that while they might have been standing at home, they were picturing how it would sound at a social event - Victoria imaging the turning heads. Well, he'll always be Tim to us.

music victoria beckham david beckham

CALL THAT AN INDUCTION?

While U2 got a knockabout Bruce Springsteen lead-in for their Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction, the poor O'Jays had to make do with Justin Timberlake, and, to be honest, they weren't thrilled:

Eddie Levert, 62, said they were unhappy about Timberlake inducting them into the Hall.

He said: "We protested, kicked and stomped. But it is out of our control."

His bandmate Walter Williams, 61, added: "No offence to Justin, because he deserves the respect he has earned, but I could think of a few people who know more about our pain and suffering and history."

The other inductees/introducers were less controversial:
The Pretenders were done by Neil Young (shared interest in the needle and the damage done); Buddy Guy by BB King and Eric Clapton (BB King is a guitarist of equal stature; Clapton was just checking Guy had no plans to relocate to the West Midlands) and Percy Sledge was given his big key by Rod Stewart (swapping from Rod to Percy is like peering at a fuzzy sign and then suddenly putting your glasses on).

Chrissie Hynde made a sweet tribute to the fallen Pretenders:

We are a tribute band. We're paying tribute to James Honeyman-Scott and Pete Farndon, without whom we would not have been here."

But mostly, the night was about U2, because it had Bono in it and Bono makes sure that he's at the centre of everything:

"Bono! ... What about the Nobel Peace Prize?" one reporter called out, querying as to whether Bono's mission to eradicate third-world debt would get him the honor.

"Rock star is already having the cream of the cake," Bono replied.

Really? I thought all the anti-poverty stuff was what was really important, Bono?

Make your own Living Room of Fame:

Family Reunion - The O'Jays

The Pretenders - The Pretenders

It Tears Me Up - Percy Sledge (one of a billion best ofs)

War - U2 (pretend they split up afterwards)
music rock and roll hall of fame u2 bono chrissie hynde percy sledge bruce springsteen neil young justin timberlake ojays

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HIS BIG CHANCE...

Well, we're clearly not as clever as we like to think. We couldn't quite work out why Robbie Williams was as desperate as he was to play with Queen, but Roger Taylor has joined the dors for us:

"I think America appealed to him and he... I think he was sort of quite keen on the idea at one point, and it did seem like a good idea, and then I think we all sort of drew back a little - thought about it a little harder, and then thought 'Maybe not', you know," Taylor told Capital Gold radio.

Aha! Robbie wanted to know what it was like playing a gig in America where people turned up. How lowly must your prospects be if you're hoping for a career boost from being Brian May's bitch? Come to that, how poor must you be if you don't measure up to Brian May's not-exactly-taxing standards?

Brian May said: "We got close with Robbie... yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, we talked to him, but not in an auditioning kinda way. We just thought 'Wouldn't it be fun if we did something'.

"We kind of talked about it and talked about it and came close but..."

He wasn't even worth an audition. If it were possible, you could almost feel sorry for Robbie Williams, couldn't you?

music obbie williams queen

THE LAST REFUGE OF THE UNINSPIRED

There are two fall-backs for the Western artist who have run out of ideas: one is recording a record about djs and/or radio; the other is doing a song about New York. Madonna has already had her "Hey, Mr. DJ, put a record on" moment, so it's only to be expected she's recording a tribute to New York. It's called I Love New York and exists solely in the hope that it might get picked up for a city marketing campaign ("as a heartfelt hymn to her favourite city. Apart from London or Los Angeles.")

music madonna new york

REVILLOBIT

We've just heard of the death of Kid Krupa, Revillo guitarist. The 17 year old Kid joined the band in 1980, spending a happy three years with the band before moving on to a number of other bands and session work for everyone from Roger Daltry to Shakin Stevens. Ill-health forced a change in direction, and he moved behind the production desk, although he'd still play from time to time: he played on the Japanese Revillos tour in 1994.

Kid joined the Revillos shortly after the band had split from their Sire contract and renamed themselves Revillos to keep the major label happy (Sire wouldn't tolerate their former serfs recording under the Rezillos name). They'd already had a smattering of hits under the new title, but during Krupa's time they recorded the textbook Revillo tunes Bongo Brain and She's Fallen In Love With A Monster Man.

Krupa died from complications relating to diabetes. He was 43.

UNFORGOTTEN

Try to cast your eyes away from the main story on this page on the Scotsman website - it's about Howard Brown from the Halifax having a top 20 record, and it might be a sign, like cats giving birth to snakes and so on, of the world coming to an end, and ponder this, instead:

Cult 70s hit Is This the Way to Amarillo? is released today, threatening to carry the almost-forgotten singer Tony Christie to number one in the charts, and raising more money for Comic Relief

The "almost-forgotten" Tony Christie has been in the Top 10 album charts for the last few weeks.

music howard brown tony christie

AND OFF HE GOES AGAIN

So, let's try and get this straight, then, Boy George: if someone does say "I'm gay", they can never be gay enough for you (like Rosie McDonnell); unless they're enjoying a lot of Orton-style gay sex, in which case they're reinforcing a stereotype (like George Michael). But then again, if they choose to exercise their choice not to comment, that's wrong as well. Yes, George has slapped down another former friend, Matt Lucas, who has failed George's impossible test of being just about gay enough:

"He wouldn’t talk about his sexuality, although he’s now made the queerest show in Britain. I found him prissy, a niggly diva."

Imagine being such a diva that Boy George thinks you're a diva. We're not entirely sure how Little Britain counts as "the queerest show in Britain" being half-made by David Walliams.

Of course, Boy knows that people only pay him any attention these days when he's doing his own bit for the bitchy queen 'type, and so he throws some more in - Elton John. Yes, he's not had a pop at him for about a week:

"Elton John is like our headmaster, the grand old dame of pop, with a beautiful voice but living in an ornate bubble, full of fresh flowers, surrounded by people who nod and laugh at everything he says, and he doesn’t have a sense of humour."

Boy George, of course, is a perpetual source of hilarity and joy. Oh, and there's a mysterious pop at George Michael:

"so desperate to be famous, he feared that if fans discovered he was ‘a true Greek’ it would all end in tears".

Must have been a different George Michael who made all those Yog jokes in Smash Hits.

music boy george matt lucas little britain

MAN-MAKING PROCESS LONGER THAN EXPECTED

I guess after waiting for so long, a little bit of a longer wait is no big deal: Teenage Fanclub have put the release of Man-Made back to May 9th.

The vinyl version is available for pre-order and, currently, outselling (out pre-ordering?) the CD.

music teenage fanclub

I COULD HAVE HAD ONE OF THEM, YOU KNOW

John Peel suggested the reason why he accepted his OBE was because, otherwise, you'd only be stood around in the pub banging on about how you were offered one, but turned it down. Clearly, you either accept these things or you don't; turning down and then still claiming the glory compounds the empty gesture with even emptier bragging: if it's worth mentioning, why wasn't it worth accepting? In case you haven't guessed, it's Boy George who's telling us just what a rebel he is by saying "no" to Queen Liz. And, doubtless, he'll even show you the letter from the Palace. That he said "no" to.

music boy george honours

KIM 'BELIEVED HERSELF ABOVE THE LAW'

Over at the supporting feature, Lil'Kim has been accused of lying at her grand jury hearing - and not just lying, but telling huge, "preosterous" whoppers. federal prosecutor Cathy Seibel painted a picture of a Lil'Kim who believed herself to be above the law:

Last week, Lil' Kim had testified that she "could not come into a grand jury and purposely tell false statements and lie."

But Seibel, calling Lil' Kim's testimony "laughable," said that's exactly what she did.

"It's like `Alice in Wonderland,' it's whatever lie is expedient at the moment," she said.

The trial is at its closing stages.

music lil'kim trial

I DID SAY HE DIDN'T TOUCH ME: Jackson trial update

As the cross-examination of Gavin begins, he's told the court that, yes, he had previously said to a teacher that Michael Jackson hadn't touched him in a bad way. Jackson turned up at court wearing a red blazer of some sort, with a black armband. It wasn't entirely clear if he was instigating some formal mourning for his career at this stage, or if he was merely wearing red to provide some "In the red" headline fun.

music michael jackson trial
court

'IN BED BY MIDNIGHT' PLEDGE

In order to give their fans "a special show", Girls Aloud are saying they'll be clean living while out on tour:

"We want to give our fans a special show each night so we're having a banging hardcore tour - just on stage - and then we'll go to bed early," Cheryl Tweedy explained.

Hang about... they're doing banging hardcore on stage? Let's hope it's not too late to get tickets, then...

music girls aloud tour

WE CAN REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS JACK ROSENTHAL AND UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE ROUND HERE

ITV have issued a statement confirming that they do intend to see if they can drop their standards any lower, with the news that they're signing up the Osbournes to present a chatshow. Now, it's just possible that nobody at ITV had the presence of mind to try and get hold of a tape of Sharon's awful US daytime chatshow; or maybe every copy of that show has actually been burned; every guest and audience member hunted down; every last reference wiped. But even so: it's obvious Ozzy can't really do the sort of quick-witted chat that a talk show needs, and just a glance at Sharon's Asda spots ("keep putting those chippolaties on") or her co-anchoring of Sky's Oscars debacle ("if I can't think of anything to say to cut the guest off, I'll just cackle instead") should surely have provided the warning from history?

The only real reason we can think of for this project getting a green light is that it was part of the deal to get Sharon back on the X-Factor. But surely that's a price too high?

music tv ozzy sharon+osbourne

NOT LIKE LAST YEAR'S, THEN

Ukraine have apparently elected to not bother trying to clone its Eurovision winner from 2004, turning its back on giving us another Ruslana and choosing instead a band who've had to rewrite their song because the lyrics were too political. Odd, that, what with the song also having been the anthem of the Orange Revolution and all. The band who wrote the song - Greenjelly - have agreed to change the words, which originally ran:

"No to falsifications... No to lies. Yushchenko - yes! Yushchenko - yes! This is our president - yes, yes!"

With something like "Boom-bang-a-bang, boom-a-bang, death to the enemies of the people", presumably.

music ukraine eurovision

CALL ANNE MAURICE

We're trying hard to shed a tear for Britney, who's having trouble selling one of her homes: she's dropped the price on her New York apartment to two and three quarter million quid after she had no interest from serious buyers. This is a bizarre repeat of her marriage, where she dropped her expectations to Kevin Federline's level, after getting no interest from serious men.


Surely someone at Channel 5 is pitching a Celebrity House Doctor special? Surely?

music britney spears property new york

SOMETHING TO MAKE A MENTAL NOTE OF

Not that we know she'll change her mind, but it's just worth ensuring that Christina Aguilera's disdain for celeb clothing lines is on the record:

"I just think it's so tacky. I have always thought that it's one of those things that just makes people look like they don't know what to do any more."

music fashion christina aguilera

MAKE WAY FOR MR. TOAD

Robbie Williams loves to feel something throbbing between his legs. Of that, there is no doubt. But "concerned friends" are worried that William's love of his big, shiny motorbike and riding it at high speeds could be putting him at risk:

"He's spending a lot of time working in the studio and racing his bike around a track is his way of unwinding. Yes, it's very dangerous, but surprisingly his insurers let him do it," an insider was quoted as saying.

So, it turns out that insurers are just human after all. Rumours that the Norwich Union Direct quote me happy phone line also suggested he try it with the helmet off so he could feel the wind in his hair - and "ooh, have you ever taken your hands off the handlebars and waved them above your head?" - are probably just a beautiful dream.

music robbie williams insurance motorbikes

DAVE PUTS THE CAT OUT

The new host of CD:UK has been announced: it's going to be Dave Berry.

Brilliant, we thought, it's great to see him coming out of retirement:



But then it turned out to be this bloke:



... who apparently is currently in charge of MTV's TRL. Which reminds us: didn't MTV insist they had to relocate to the Capital Radio building as that would make TRL a massive hit? Hasn't really worked, has it? It still seems to be the sort of show where Christina could ass-to-ass with Britney and nobody would realise it had happened.

music cd uk tv mtv dave berry

BROOKS SAVES THE DAY

Ridiculously large cowboy hats in the air for Garth Brooks - his lawyers spotted a charity auction on Ebay: a guitar signed by their client on sale for the tsunami relief effort. They got in touch with the seller, Toby Bradley (who had bought the guitar himself in good faith) and asked if they could verify the product. But when the signature proved to be a fake, Garth got his Sharpie out and made the guitar a proper, officially signed one. Everyone, then, is a winner.

music garth brooks tsunami ebay

A QUICK LOOK AT THIS MORNING'S FRONT PAGES

We know it's quite late in the day, but...



Pete's supposedly off the smack... and yet he's still flogging stories about him and Kate Moss to the tabloids. Perhaps he wants to buy her a really nice ring. It's not just Zammo, is it?

music kate moss pete doherty babyshambles

SPEARS CLOSES DRUG CASE

The curious little spat started when Britney Spears appeared to spill a bunch of diet pills at Heathrow Airport - Zoller Labs issued a pre-emptive lawsuit to stop her suing them for using her image without permission - has come to an end. Nobody is saying exactly what the terms of the settlement are, but we'd imagine Zoller have managed to convince her they wouldn't really want to use her as an example of a person using their product. Not with all the extra weight she's hauling about these days; not even after she got married to it.

music legal britney spears diet

ROCKOBIT

The death has been announced of Danny Joe Brown, singer and founder member of Molly Hatchet. Taking their name from the second most famous female axe murderer (someone else got Lizzy Borden) and inspired by Lynyrd Skynyrd, their debut 1978 album went multi-platinum in the states. Their early success was consolidated by prestigious tour supports - notably with the Rolling Stones - but in 1980 Danny Joe decided he'd had enough of not seeing things management's way, and stepped aside in favour of his own group, the Danny Joe Brown Band. They toured through to 1982, while Molly Hatchet continued with Jimmy Farrar taking vocal duties. Brown returned for the No Guts No Glory album. Playing 200 gigs a year, by 1990 the band was frayed and so took a five year break. The reunion in 1996 saw a shuffling of responsbilities - Brown, a diabetic, was no longer able to lead the band and so made way for Phil McCormack.

In 1998, Danny suffered a massive stroke, spending three months in intensive care, and then longer in therapy. The Dixie Jam Band - featuring members of Blackfoot, Marshall Tucker, Foghat, Pat Travers Band, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Rossington Band, Doc Holliday and (as you'd expect) Molly Hatchet - came together to perform a benefit for him and his family.

Danny recently spent some time in hospital with pneumonia; shortly after returning home he died. He was 53.

music obit obituary danny joe brown molly hatchet

THE WACKY WORLD OF US JUSTICE

Rather than bring any sanctions against Martin Bashir for his recent flurry of ABC specials about the Jackson case (Bashir should have been observing a court-imposed gag on participants banging on about the case in public), Judge Melville is going to let Jackson make a programme of his own. The defense told the court they wanted the programme as a balance, but there was a slightly more prosaic reason:

"Right now, rebutting his critics is a prime way of earning a living," said Jackson lawyer Brian Oxman. "Enormous money is being offered for rebuttal programs and we'd like to take advantage of that."

So... the court are going to allow Jackson to make a one-sided programme that will allow him to turn a profit from being accused of getting a kid drunk and jerking him off? Shouldn't they at least wait to see if the jury fins him guilty of doing that before letting that happen?

music michael jackson trial

STRAIGHT AS STICKS

Bad news for the Afghan economy: Scott Weiland says he's given up drucks for good:

"The prospect of losing my wife and my children changed everything," he said. "I don't think anymore about getting high."

Weiland, 37, said his "preoccupation with catching a buzz" began in his early teens, when he began drinking liquor.

He tried cocaine in high school and had moved on to heroin by the time he was 24 and touring with his previous group, Stone Temple Pilots, saying it made him feel safe and more confident about his music.

Now, we spent much of the past decade suggesting you'd have to be off your cake on drugs to actually think that Stone Temple Pilots music was anything even approaching listenable. It's lovely to have a sense of vindication.

music scott weiland stone temple pilots drugs

FRANZ IN THE HOUSE

Proving that Scotland is about sixteen times as cool as the UK as a whole, the Scottish parliament are thinking of inviting Franz Ferdinand, Idlweild and the Mull Historical Society to do a gig at Hollyrood. And who did they get to play Westminster the last time they decided to let a beat combo in? Alicia Keys.

Nineteen times as cool.

Make your own Hollyrood Extravganaza:

Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out DVD

Mull Historical Society - Loss CD

Idlewild - Warnings/Promises CD

music idlewild mull historical society franz ferdinand holyrood scotland

BIG: CASE CLOSED

The FBI have decided they've got better things to do than waste any more time searching for who might or might not have killed the No-no-notorious BIG and have closed the case. An FBI spokesperson said "maybe we'll have another look if a rap record comes out called 'we killed biggie', or if there's a chance we can pin it on Jacko or something, but really..." and then he just shrugged and wandered off.

Seriously, the police had been investigating claims that a "rogue cop" had been involved in the murder, as if it wasn't part of that tiresome rap war at all. Biggie's mum is going ahead with her plans to sue LAPD over her belief that the cops have been attempting to cover up police invovlement in the BIG murder. That hits the courts on April 12th.

Clearly, though, the FBI don't share Lil'Kim's belief that the killing of Smalls was on a par with September 11th 2001.

music rap biggie smalls notorious big fbi murder