Tuesday, October 11, 2005

WEDDINGS BRING PEOPLE BACK TOGETHER

The two certainties about weddings is that someone will shag somebody they shouldn't, and that people who haven't seen each other in years will find themselves getting back together again and burying hatchets, and so on. We don't know who got the illicit shag at Dewitt Burton's wedding, but the reunion was his former employers'. He used to roadie for REM, and so Stipe, Mills, Buck and - yes - original drummer Bill Berry got back together for their first gig since Berry left in 1997. Apart from one other reunion. It seems to have been a little adhoc, too, with the band scampering onto the stage while the "proper" wedding band were on a break.

e bet they loved having to come back on after REM had finished.


SAATCHI SHOULD BE SO LUCKY

We were delighted to discover that Charles Saatchi's plans to move his gallery from the old GLC building to Chelsea after a spat with the owners of the building has come to court, because what could be more delicious than the discovery that one of the current landlords at Ken Livingstone's old place is Pete Waterman. Yes, of course, that Pete Waterman. It's not all Kylie and trains for Pete, you know. He's busy overacting:

Record producer Pete Waterman has said that his "great regard" for Charles Saatchi ended when the art collector made "chilling" allegations about the landlords of his London gallery.

Waterman is a director of Cadogan Leisure, apparently. Who knew there was so much cash in Rick Astley records and doing a show on Radio City?

He told the judge, Sir Donald Rattee, that he had grown to love the Saatchi Gallery, which he believed was a "fun" addition to the Riverside Building. But he said Masakazu Okamoto, European managing director of the owners of the building, Shirayama Shokusan, "didn't have the same passion about modern art as the rest of us had".

Nothing screams fun like a giant picture of Myra Hindley made out of children's handprints, we guess. What isn't fun, though, apparently, is Saatchi's allegations. Prepare to be chilled to the very marrow:

Mr Waterman said that in October 2003 he was telephoned by Mr Saatchi who alleged that County Hall was part of "a fraud" involving Mr Okamoto, his wife, members of the Cadogan board and their solicitor. "I was too shocked and then chilled to take all of this in, save that this was probably the worst conversation, and certainly the most chilling, I had ever had in my life," Mr Waterman said.

He said he learned that Mr Saatchi had warned that unless the landlords "get off his back", he would report what he had told him to the fraud squad.

Mr Waterman went on: "I did support Charles Saatchi and the gallery for all of the reasons already stated in this statement. I certainly had great regard for him. My view of him has been completely tarnished by that phone call and is the reason why I have never spoken to him again."


Of course, most people had Saatchi marked down as a bit of knob from the moment he started slobbering all over Thatcher, although a few did wait until that time he wanted his advertising agency to buy the Midland Bank before firming that perspective up.

Obviously the court case will be ongoing.


ELVIS TICKS OFF ANOTHER GENRE

In what we're starting to suspect might be a sponsored genre-hop, Elvis Costello has announced plans to sing opera. We make it that, having done classical, punk, cod reggae, new wave, pop, torch song and chamber music, Costello now only has to do a yodelling album and a poodle-rock show to complete the set.


SIMPER!

It must be a curious job, writing for Hello magazine. For example, a photo like this comes across your desk:



... and while the obvious reaction would be to screech "What the hell is it with him? All that blubbering about how Martin Bashir made him look like a nutter, and yet he comes to London and continues to parade his kids about decorated as if they were furniture - what is it, an antimaccasar?"

But, no, the consumate professionals at Hello behave as if it's the most natural thing:

Accompanying the performer were his three children, Prince Michael Jr, eight, Prince Michael II, four, who is nicknamed "Blanket", and daughter Paris Katherine. Seven-year-old Katherine, her head and face covered by a green scarf, walked hand-in-hand with her father as they toured the venue.

Because we all make our kids wear drapes, don't we?

Hello does get one sly dig in, though:

The 47-year-old, who was escorted through the throng of well-wishers by a group of burly security guards, was looking sharp in a black suit and dark glasses. And he seemed to have taken a leaf out of British interior designer Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen's book, as he completed the look with an oversize-cuffed shirt and matching tie.

Taking style pointers for Laurence L-B? That's gotta hurt...


BATTLE SOIL

Yesterday's Victoria Newton's Bizarre column in the Sun had been predicting a massive blow-up between Liam Gallagher and Chris Martin at the Q Awards. Nothing, of course, happened in the end, which makes it even more odd that today's column is claiming second sight:

AS I predicted, the war between LIAM GALLAGHER and CHRIS MARTIN erupted as the pair came face to face at yesterday’s Q Awards.

Blimey... not only does Victoria Newton have predictive powers, but she's scooped the whole world. Nobody else seems to have seen this "explosive" meeting. So, what happened?

Liam could not resist calling mild-mannered Chris “a plant pot” as the COLDPLAY frontman stepped on stage to collect the band’s only gong.

Incoherent man mumbles something bemusing; few feelings hurt. We're only surprised Wade didn't give her the front page for this one.


YOU'RE NAME'S ON MY LIST

Trouble for Pete Doherty this morning - okay, more trouble - with a security guard planning to bring legal action against him. Mark Robinson claims that Doherty whacked him with a mic stand during a Leeds gig, raising the possibility that Pete Doherty and Courtney Love are slowly turning into the same person.

It's interesting the curious double-standard the tabloids are taking to the ongoing 'shambles story, by the way. While Kate Moss is being described as a "shamed supermodel", Pete is still getting headlined as "Potty Pete" - we're not sure why Pete's apparently more devastating drug use gets a chuckling little nickname.


Monday, October 10, 2005

R KELLY'S NEVER-ENDING TORMENT

At the rate that R Kelly's child porn trial keeps getting pushed back, the girl he allegedly filmed while he was screwing her is going to be drawing her pension, never mind over the age of consent, before she has her day in court. The main cause for delays is Kelly having to share a defence lawyer with George Ryan, former Republican governor of Illinois. Ryan - who commuted the sentences of all death row prisonners when he stepped down as governor - was indicted shortly afterwards on charges relating to alleged racketeering. It's probable his trial will last months, making Kelly unlikely to find himself in the dock proper until early next year.


GREAT SALES NEWS AND THE LAUNCH OF STUDY

The brilliant news that - in a really tricky high street environment and with illegal downloads continuing to remain stubbornly high - UK album sales rose year-on-year in the quarter to September will be generating mixed emotions over at BPI headquarters. Coupled with a singles market rise (physical and downloads) of 49 per cent, there's precious little room for the major labels to argue that there's a pressing need for legal actions against three year-olds and grannies to save the UK music scene.

Meanwhile, Her Majesty's Government has announced plans to help the indie label sector - although they manage to make it sound as dull as possible, couching it as an initiative to assist small and medium enterprises. The music minister (James Purnell, apparently - no, we didn't, either) isn't actually going to do anything you understand, but has called for "a study into the support independent companies need." It's not clear yet quite how much cash is going to be pissed away on this study, but we bet we could fund a couple of Pipettes albums, a dozen singles and a fanzine on the cash at the very least.


TAKE MY BRA OFF

The troubled tale of Britney Spears' bra and its Ebay flogging has taken another twist, with Spears pulling the bra from the charity auction. Apparently, Britney's afraid people might buy the bra thinking that it's something it's not.

Last week, the bra had been pulled by Ebay, under its rule forbidding the sale of used underwear - a clause designed to stop people rubbing kippers on knickers and selling them to single men. Perhaps because Britney tends to wear her bras as outerwear, the item was relisted; now Britney's taken the bra away again, as she worries people might think she wore it during her HBO special.

The sudden insistence that things should not be sold in a misleading fashion makes us wonder if she's going to stop the attempts to push Kevin Federline on us under the guise of a rapper.


LITTLE RICHARD CHIPS IN

Faced with the problems caused by his home town mayor failing to pull together enough financing for his own gig, Little Richard has subsidised his own performance. Businesses had been asked to underwrite the cost of the event, but moaned they hadn't got enough time.

Richard isn't going to play for nothing, though:

Little Richard told the almost 5,000 people attending the concert free of charge Saturday that he will return a $30,000 portion of his fees.

"It's not a whole lot of money, but it's from the heart," he said.


Q AWARDS FOR EVERYONE

Of course, we didn't go to the Q Awards, as we seldom leave the house, but luckily 6 Music has a fairly comprehensive report. So, who got what, then?

As part of the celebrity dance, Coldplay, U2, Oasis and Albarn-Blur-Gorillaz all got prizes for turning up - best act in the world, best live act, best album/people's choice and best video/best producer, although you could probably scramble those prizes up and nobody would mind much.

Chris Martin was testy when he picked up the Best Act in The World prize: "Some of you probably hate us but I couldn't give a fuck because we're the Best Act In The World." Ah, bless. Although we're not sure how that squares with the public blubbing he was going through the week before last when he sobbed over those nasty reviews he got.

Peter Hook, who was there as part of a New Order contingent being annointed as Q legends, was also testy when he picked up his prize, calling Q "two-faced cunts who give us bad reviews".
Sixty-five years in the music business and he still hasn't grasped that individuals writers do the reviews, and the magazine as a whole present the awards. And how many faces should a cunt have, come to that?

Paul Weller picked up an Outstanding Contribution; Nick Cave a Classic Songwriter, Bjork and Inspiration, the Bee Gees a Lifetime Achievement and John Lennon, who has been a long time, was awarded a Classic Award. Yoko Ono - brand manager for John Lennon - turned up to ensure the prize was put onto Ebay straight away, and the prize money properly counted. She said this is just the sort of thing that John would have loved:

"I wish he (John) was here today, he would have loved it."

We bet he would have done, too. Although it would have marked him out as a stinking hypocrite, hanging around industry backslapping booze-ins; it was rather brave of Yoko to admit that.

She then recounted how he woke her up one night asking, 'Why do they cover Paul's songs but never mine?" telling the audience that she replied "You're a good songwriter. It's not just June with spoon that you write.

"You're a good singer and most musicians are probably a little bit nervous about covering your songs."


Well, yes, they'd be nervous about covering them because who would want to leave themselves open to the ridicule of sticking out a load of half-formed spirtualistic claptrap? (Sit down, Madonna). And while we can all enjoy a quiet snicker at the jibe at Macca's simplistic rhymes, on Imagine John rhymes "one" with "one" at one point - at least June/spoon has got a slight novelty about it, what with the extra word.

Waterloo Sunset got a Classic Song prize - Cathy dennis' cover version painted out of history - while James Blunt was named best new act, disappointing those of us who'd hoped he'd be forgotten as quickly as hed arrived. KT Tunstall won a prize, apparently for best track for something called Black Horse and The Cherry Tree. Q's Innovation in Sound prize went to the Prodigy, presumably for the bravery in releasing an album without a coherent idea behind it last year.

Chris Martin and Liam Gallagher did not fight.


SPEND AN EVENING WITH A SELF-PITYING SADSACK

It might just work, if the love interest, in the style of an Elizabethan play, is a boy dressed as a girl; or perhaps a Pantomimic girl playing the part of Prince Charming, but otherwise... what would be the attraction of a musical based on the life and songs of Robbie Williams?

After all, Robbie is surely not keen to get involved with musical theatre, not with his strictly heterosexual lifestyle, you'd have thought.

Contact Music is quite keen:

The former boyband star is convinced the show will be a hit and emulate the success of similar musicals about ABBA, QUEEN and ROD STEWART.

Hmm... well, while Abba and Queen have done well, Stewart's Tonight The Night barely made it to its anniversary before the large number of unsold seats made it feel less Tonight's the Night as That's Yer Lot, if we remember rightly. And the Madness one put most of its backers on permanent suicide watch. And that one had better tunes to work with than Williams does.

A source tells British newspaper the Daily Star, "A musical based on Robbie's colourful career would be dynamite. It's got all the elements of a classic.

Well, all the elements, except for a hero who people could warm to. And since Williams is at his most popular when his songs are at their most dirgey, it's going to be hard to stitch together a story that doesn't feel like you're plodding through treacle. Basing it on the life of Mr. Pie won't help, either:

"There's fame, fortune, heartbreak, breakdowns, exile and salvation. You couldn't make it up."

Well, you could, actually. People do, all the time. They're called novelists, young Robbie, and they write books. We're not entirely sure where the salvation comes from in the Williams story - an increasingly self-parodic character reduced to pretending to want to hump every woman he's introduced to because he's paranoid everyone thinks he's gay, rebuffed by the largest market in the world on several occasions, tied into a contract which makes him little more than EMI's puppy and reliant on songwriters to keep him supplied with material - we're a little lost as to the salvatory element there. Unless the big ending is "well, he did sell more Knebworth tickets than Oasis, which makes him the most popular act that nobody really likes..."

We'll not even start on why half-assed tourist-mops like this sort of thing are killing London theatre while making it seem like it's vibrant, shall we?


RINGO BEING REWORKED IN THE COUNCIL'S FAVOUR

You're probably not surprised to hear that we haven't yet heard back from Flo Clucas to explain the curious case of Ringo Starr's house. You might remember that there was a council investigation into plans to knock down Starr's birthplace, which concluded with Clucas telling the world that the international tourist attraction "wasn't historically significant"; then, a couple of weeks later, she decided that although the building wasn't of any importance, the council would take it down brick-by-brick and store it somewhere, for some reason.

Now, the tale has got even more twisted, as Ringo has dismissed this idea as being valueless. Curiously, the slavishly council-supporting Liverpool Echo has decided that this means Ringo wants the Welsh streets bulldozed:

RINGO Starr has a message for campaigners fighting to save his old home from the bulldozers: "Don't bother."

The Beatles drummer says he "does not see the sense" in preserving his former home in Liverpool's Welsh Streets. Liverpool council plans to take down the property brick by brick to keep it for future generations.

But Ringo has dismissed the idea. He said in a TV interview: "Now they are knocking it down brick by brick because they are going to build flats there or high-rise or something, I don't know.

"They are going to put it somewhere else and I do not see the sense of putting it anywhere else, because you are going to have to put a plaque on whatever they build saying 'Ringo Starr was born here'. Well, not really."


Which actually has twisted Starr's position through 180 degrees - Starr hasn't told people campaigning the streets not to bother, what he's saying is there's bugger all point in knocking the house down and building it somewhere else. He's already on record as saying he doesn't see why perfectly serviceable houses are being destroyed to let developers build new properties on the same land.

But while Starr's words are being radically reinterpreted, our friend Flo Clucas has also decided to have a go at reworking things, taking a liberty or two with history:

"We have not been able to conserve the birthplaces of John Lennon or Paul McCartney either, but retained the homes in which they spent the most time following the guidelines of the English Heritage Trust."

When she says "spent most time", she doesn't actually mean Macca's Sussex home or the Dakota Building; she means the houses they lived in in Liverpool for the most time. And when she says "we have not been able to conserve", she means "we allowed developers to knock down", and when she says "we... retained the homes they spent most time in" she seems to have become a little confused, as neither of those properties have anything to do with Liverpool City Council but have been saved for the nation by the National Trust - in effect, the Trust is subsidising the Liverpool Beatle Tourist Industry. But other than that, she's spot on.

Flo, Flo, we'd love to hear your explanation for how a two month investigation could describe something as being without value only for you to decide it's worth preserving brick by brick a few days later.


KELLY JONES TOP ADVICE

We totally agree with Kelly Jones that the new Stereophonics album isn't good for listening to while smoking dope. You don't want to lsoe some of your reactions when you, clearly, need to be posied to leap across the room, punch the 'STOP' and 'EJECT' buttons and then toss the disc out the window like a unwelcome frisbee, do you?

Listen while on dope, and you might find yourself so mellowed you sit through the whole thing. It might even lodge in your subconscious.


PRETTY SOON, YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN NEED TO EVER LOOK AT THE STAGE

Proving that large gigs these days barely has anything to do with music, the people behind recent Avril Lavigne and Green Day gigs have hooked up a big monitor to display text messages above the stage while the band is on.

The people who've cooked up the technology are thrilled with their own brilliance:

"We've done this at bars with 30 people and at shows with 40,000 people, and the dynamics are totally different," said Alex Campbell, CEO of Chicago's Vibes Media, one of a growing number of companies that supply venues with the software to do in-house text messaging. "At a House of Blues show with 2,000 people, it's more of a back-and-forth conversation and interaction between people, like at a Las Vegas [show] with Hoobastank where we had a guy dump his girlfriend via texting and then all these other guys were trying to pick her up. But at a show with 30,000 people, it's just about getting your name up there and giving a shout-out and getting noticed."

We're not sure if this merely an admission that megagigs now are so huge it's virtually impossible to even spot the artist miles and miles away from you, so you actually need to have something to keep your interest; or else it's merely accepting that there's bugger all happening on the stage at a Hoobastank gig and people would rather read some barely-literate SMS messages from people they don't know than actually listen to the band.

Of course, a lot of it is merely about opening up the crowd for being shaken down by commercial companies - although they deny there's any money in it for them. Yet:

Sprint, one of many major carriers that offer the service, coordinated the texting at a recent Avril Lavigne show and has signed on to provide the service for Bon Jovi's upcoming tour in support of their new album, Have a Nice Day. "It's not a moneymaker for us, but we're hoping that as it becomes more popular it will become a standard part of what the tour manager thinks about when he's putting together the lighting, pyro and other equipment he needs for a tour," said John Styers, director of data communications services for Sprint.

"This really extends what is typically a two-hour event into a longer experience," he continued. "An hour after the show you can ping the phones of the people who sent messages and let them know about a special Web site with exclusive behind-the-scenes material and more information on the band."


... or, presumably, an exciting new telephony service from Sprint telecom.

We like the idea of concerts being interactive. But the best way, surely, is to play your arse off and make everyone leap about like they're crazy?


RECORD LABELS UNVEIL DREAM OF MONEY FOR NOTHING; WORKING ON CHICKS FOR FREE

Obviously, we're a little too young to recall the collapse of either the Roman or Ottoman Empires, but we're starting to scent that we'll be around to see the end of the RIAA Empire, as they make stupid decision after stupid decision. In an overview of how, exactly, the big labels want to charge people for providing free publicity for their products, Newsweek provides an example or two of just how crazily greedy the music industry is becoming - in recent talks with Yahoo, Warners insisted that not only did they demand a fee everytime someone watched one of their adverts ("pop videos") through Yahoo, they also wanted a slice of the ad revenue on the pages as well.

Ridiculously, and disastorously, Yahoo capitulated - even although this is on a par with a Baked Beans supplier insisting that Tescos not only pays them for the beans, but also gives a share of the profits from the coffee shop on the grounds that without their beans, nobody would be coming to the shop in the first place.


MICHAEL JACKSON INVITES YOUNG BOYS TO HIS HOTEL ROOM

It really does get better and better, doesn't it? If Michael Jackson had decided that he was going to play up to the sinister, dodgy, dirty uncle he's become in the popular imagination, he couldn't do it better than his current brilliant ideas are: after going to see young boys dancing play Billy Elliot, he then invited the cast back to his hotel room. For "drinks."

Jesus juice, we presume.


LESS OF A SANCTUARY

The poor performance of Sanctuary's management and label business has led to the inevitable: the company is to dump 175 members of staff around the world. The news that a load of people will have trouble feeding their families and keeping a roof over their heads caused a ripple of pleasure to spread through the stock exchange, lifting their shares by a fraction of a penny.


JENNY ON THE BLOCK

What with her being virtually geriatric - mid-thirties, you know - Jennifer Lopez is fretting about getting older.

You know, Jennifer, if you do really worry so much about getting older, there is another option. Not that we'd recommend that, mind.

She's thinking she might need to have her face re-arranged at some point:

'I don't do it (plastic surgery), but I don't want to judge because I don't know how I'll feel when I'm 40 or 50, and if that is something I would do.

Amongst work J-Lo is expected to have is the attachment of a full, working elephant's trunk and a flashing neon sign permanently attached to her forehead advertising soft drinks.


LEE RYAN IS BEING BRAVE

Lee Ryan isn't fretting about the possibility of a Blue reunion - he's hardly missing his old bandmates at all:

"I don't miss working with them. You could say we got sick of each other, though not friendship-wise.

"We all had different things we wanted to do and were sick of what we were doing.

"I can't go back. We said we'd come back but I never believed it."


Yeah, you split up all of three days ago or whatever it was. How surprising you're not missing your mates yet.


WHEN CULTS COLLIDE WITH RELIGIONS

Say what you like about the Scientologists - actually, don't, those guys love to send legal letters - but at least when L Ron Hubbard invented his religion from scratch, he made up everything. Not so the Kabbalah squad, who have created a cult based on a genuine wing of Jewish religious teaching - kind of as if we decided to launch a fashion and water industry based on John the Baptist, but without worrying about all that tiresome Jesus business.

Sooner or later, there was going to be a clash, and it looks like Madonna's new album is going to be the point where Kabbalah Centre acolytes push it too far:

The album, "Confessions on a Dance Floor," is to be released on Nov. 15 and features a track entitled "Isaac" about Yitzhak Luria, a 16th century Jewish mystic and Kabbalah scholar.

Rabbis who oversee Luria's tomb and a seminary in the northern town of Safed are unimpressed with Madonna's musical tribute and see the inclusion of the song about Luria on the album as an attempt by the pop star to profit from his name.

Rabbi Rafael Cohen, head of a seminary named after Luria, suggested Madonna's actions could lead to divine retribution.

"Jewish law forbids the use of the name of the holy rabbi for profit. Her act is just simply unacceptable and I can only sympathize for her because of the punishment that she is going to receive from the heavens," Cohen told the newspaper.

Another rabbi called for Madonna to be thrown out of the community.

"Such a woman brings great sin on kabbalah," Rabbi Israel Deri told Maariv. "I hope that we will have the strength to prevent her from bringing sin upon the holiness of the rabbi (Yitzhak Luria)."


To be fair, of course, Madonna isn't directly profiting from namechecking the rabbi, as she seems to be pouring more and more of her cash into the Kabbalah Centre, a clearing house for overpriced string and feel-good babble - there were reports she'd bought a second central London property for the group a couple of weeks ago.

Interestingly, Madonna still hasn't quite found the time to respond to the claims of that high-ranking member of the Kabbalah Centre staff who told the BBC that, pretty much, the Jews murdered in the holocaust could have avoided their fate if they'd embraced Kabbalah. When the story first broke, Madonna's publicist explained she was too busy rehearsing for the tsunami benefit to respond at that point - nearly a year on, and it seems she's still finding it tricky to make room in her diary for any sort of response.

Thanks to Lee T for the link.


DAILY MIRROR CONVINCES ITSELF IT WAS RIGHT

We wonder if a newspaper, or collectively its staff, ever wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks 'did we do the right thing?' It's interesting to see the lengths that the paper is going to convince itself that shopping Kate Moss was the right thing to do: they've even wheeled up born again clean guy Elton John to say that it's a good thing, what they did:

Speaking for the first time about the 31-year-old model's fall from grace, he revealed: "I'm just glad Kate is there, I am happy she is doing something."

He explained: "I think Kate has made a really positive move. The Meadows is a great place. It is where two close friends of mine went. Kate is in very good hands."


Of course, Kate didn't actually appear to have much a problem before the story, whereas now she's having all sorts of trouble. We're not sure as she's marched through a stupid regime designed to placate the moral majority that she'll be quite as thrilled at having her privacy invaded as Elt seems to think she should be.


YOUNG MAN, TURN THAT NOISE DOWN

You'd have thought that Robbie Williams would have been thrilled to have been sharing his hotel in Berlin with 50 Cent, who's quite well built and takes to wandering around without a shirt on rather a lot. But, no, neither man was happy that they checked into the Ritz-Carlton at the same time. Williams even "had his people" make a complaint about all the noise. Which is a fair point - nobody wants to be subjected to horrible waves of sound when they're trying to relax. Indeed, we fully intend to insist that any Robbie Williams tracks we hear in restuarants, shops and even leisure centres be switched off. It's what Robbie would have wanted.


WORLD OF CHRIS MARTIN

We suspect that The Sun might have got a little over-excited when it tells visitors to its website this morning that Chris Martin is going to record a single with the Krankies - what actually appears to have happened is Martin has been pondering about interesting and "surprising" things Coldplay might do. (In other words, even his PR handlers have noticed just how boring and predictable Coldplay have become and are trying to counter the impression.)

What's more telling than the Krankies suggestion, though, is that Chris also talks about recording a duet with Celine Dion:

"We shouldn’t restrict our options. To me, the most bizarre things at the moment are the most exciting."

Bless... Chris thinks that two dull, middle-class acts recording their slow, fake-emoting ballad styles together would be like putting two very different things together. We bet he sometimes mixes tangerine and mandarin slices together at home, too.

On the same day that Chris Martin talks about working with Wee Jimmy Krankie, he's going to come face-to-face with another comedy double act where a grown adult behaves like a naughty kid, as both Chris and Liam Gallagher are due to turn up at the Q awards. The Sun scents blood, and can barely contain its CAPS LOCK:

WILD man LIAM GALLAGHER is set for an explosive meeting with CHRIS MARTIN at the Q Awards today.

Yeah, Chris Martin has spent all weekend making a stanley knife with a double blade for this meeting of minds. We really can't wai... oh, hang on, Animal Planet has got Koala Crisis on tonight. Now, that's exciting.


AND IF YOU DO DRUGS A GIANT BABY DOES CRAWL ACROSS YOUR CEILING AND YOU POO THE BED AND IT IS TRUE

We're fascinated to hear Sinead O'Connor's explanation of how she managed to avoid the drugs that swash round the music industry the same way grease hangs in the air at McDonalds. Watching Trainspotting put her off drugs:

"Thank God when I was young I saw that movie Trainspotting.

"The bit when they forget about the baby, that totally freaked me out - I think that's a good thing. The temptation could have been to go completely wild on everything."


Hang about, didn't that film come out years and years after she'd started recording and touring?


Sunday, October 09, 2005

WHAT THE POP PAPERS SAY: Peel Day Approaches

Of course, we know little more of the man that what we've read and chosen to believe, but we can't help feeling that the current hullabaloo around John Peel day is the sort of thing that would have made him feel genuinely uncomfortable - doubtless, like his This Is Your Life appearance or his MBE, he'd have gone along with it all out a sense of not wanting to let people down.

It's also a bit of an interesting lesson in how you lose control of your life when you start to share it. Take, for example, the tale of sexual abuse at his public school. In the autobiography, of course, it's an event that happened but isn't seen as being keen. The Daily Telegraph, meanwhile, having paid for the serialisation rights, falls on the story and blow it up, onto the news pages, although with some sort of context left in: "This man - and although it is tempting to name him, I'm not going to - was, I think, the only genuinely amoral person I've ever met. Towards the end of our time together, he compelled me to agree to meet him in a public toilet in the cemetery on the outskirts of Shrewsbury, where he raped me. Oddly enough, much as I hated the experience, I think I had become so accustomed to systematic sexual abuse that I wasn't especially traumatised by the experience." They then seek out some friends to prod the story some more. By this morning, the tale has washed up into the tabloids, with the People luridly yelling "PEEL TELLS OF SCHOOL RAPE HELL." In capitals, and everything.

A fascinating life, so many tales, and it boils down to being forced in a Shropshire bog.

The Telegraph does redeem itself somewhat with an excellent interview with Sheila, if you can get through it without tearing up: "One does not have to spend long in Sheila Ravenscroft's company to realise that whatever else John Peel might have achieved in his life, in marriage he was deeply blessed. She is a handsome woman in her fifties, immensely hospitable, forthright, quick to laugh, and, it is immediately apparent, the family's pillar of strength." [...]

"When Sheila suffered a brain haemorrhage in 1996, John was in the Isle of Man with his friend and fellow DJ Andy Kershaw, watching the TT races. When he was told the news over the phone by their daughter Danda his first response was: "If your mum goes, I go too. I don't want to go on living without her." [...] In the book she writes: "One of the reasons we lasted so long and so well was that we spent half the week apart, but never stopped longing for one another."

Oddly, the interview has been left in the hands of Mick Brown, but he carries it off well - much better than the starting point of "at least it's not Neil McCormack" would lead you to believe. And it's not all designed to send you looking for a Kleenex up your cardigan sleeve - there's some great Peel tales in there, too:

"His disdain for Simon Bates was such that, on one occasion, Peel, Sheila and Kershaw were moved to take a 250-mile round-trip to High Wycombe simply to boo Bates's appearance as Abunazzar in Aladdin."

At the end, though, there's that still nagging doubt that perhaps part of the reason why Radio One is throwing itself so wholeheartedly into Peel Day this week might be, perhaps, just because it feels a little bit guilty:

"In the last years of his life, Sheila says, John was "happier and more contented" than she had ever seen him. Her only concern was over his health. A year before his death, his Radio 1 programme was shifted, yet again, to a later time - 11pm-1am. "He was very tired, and I was worried about him. I said: 'I can't believe you're not going to complain.' But he said he'd be fine. He was just relieved he was still on the radio.""

Another deceased semi-scouser takes pride of place in the Independent - on this weekend, when Lennon would have been turning 65, had we not been spared from any further Double Fantasies or Womans, Hunter 'how much of a career can one man shake out of writing about a single band' Davies speculates on what Lennon would have been like had he lived. Some sort of secular saint, of course, is what Hunter decides - he'd have put things right by Cynthia and Julian (elsewhere, in the Guardian Review, Michel Faber suggests that the one decent line in Cynthia's latest 'I was married to John Lennon, you know' book was when Julian asked "Dad's always telling people to love each other, but how come he doesn't love me?"); probably would have split up with Yoko. And would have stood for - and won - a parliamentary seat, while curiously still living in the Dakota Building. Most alarming of all, the art department run up a photo of how he would look today - Hunter S Thompson, apparently. Of course, we know the truth: had Lennon survived, we'd have had an ever increasing pile of poorly thought out records; more and more books of poetry; the guest appearances onstage with Oasis and, naturally, the ongoing feud with McCartney. Of course, nobody would wish him dead. But if we could have encouraged him to retire at that point, everyone would have been happy.

It seems that the monthly Sound Nation is turning up about every three days, which we're certainly not complaining about. There's news of gigs returning to Bangor Hendre Hall - with reggae nights, mainly to allow a Jamaican-Welsh pun, we think: Reggae Fi Wan; and a resurrected gig building in Cardiff's Buffalo Bar. If the Welsh music scene isn't going through a golden age right now, Soundnation should probably get some sort of spin doctoring award.

There's a great bit on the legalities of podcasting - Adrian Crookes from the MCPS-PRS alliance tuts and fusses and panics: "without DRM, podcasts can be made into digital copy after digital copy after digital copy." Of course, he recommends making sure your podcast is legal, but as the magazine points out, it's not that easy. "The application for the JOL [Joint Online Licence] includes questions about your company's status, its auditors, accountatnts and professional affiliations. You'll need to supply a copy of your certificate of incorporation, your audited accounts and a Status Enquiry Form that enables MCPS-PRS to ask your bank if they think you're a good credit risk. You'll also need to give revenue and listener predictions." In other words, to knock together a show that would take you an hour to make on your Mac, you're expected to spend a couple of weeks setting up a company and filing forms and filling boxes. The idea of the JOL was to make it easy and simple to use music legitimately online; clearly, it's failed. And the reason why unlicensed podcasts will proliferate is because the only way of doing it legally is so long-winded, people will ignore the law.

Crookes mutters that they might come to some sort of limited, trial-basis license for zero-revenue podcasts, but still seems to be thinking in terms of charges in the hundreds of pounds. And so people will still carry on by-passing the rules.

The sound of tills ringing you'll have heard this week would have been the increased sales of the NME. Yes, Babyshambles on the cover again, flogging the new tour and talking up the "three act rock opera" (no, they're not joking, unfortunately). The increasingly shabby act rolls around - demanding money for the interview (they get forty quid out of Alex Needham; apparently, the News of the World have been offering £35k for a phone interview; £70k for a face-to-face and a £15k bung for the Babyshambles PR); moaning about Alan McGee still - "I'm not speaking ill of people, bit Alan McGee's still charging me for Anthony Rossamando's air fare... what a piss take"; being totally uninterested in questions about music; and making vague threats against whoever it was who sold Kate Moss up to the Mirror (NME: "So what's going to happen?" "Something nasty" he whispers.) In short, Pete is every inch the drug bore, pity-meing about having to sell "one" of the Playstations off the tour bus (what for, eh?). He also attempts to explain why he headbutted Johnny Borrell, which is a long and confusing story in which The Libertines lived with Borrell's mum and Borrell introduced Doherty to the Clash and the New York Dolls. We think, therefore, that Doherty's kind of scared that Borrell actually invented him. It's an Oedipus thing.

Elsewhere in the NME, Thom Yorke has been invited to meet Tony Blair and is worrying about it - more curiously, though, is the discovery that Chris Martin sent Tony a letter telling him "all the stuff you're doing to sort the whole place out is brilliant." This was last Christmas, then, after Iraq and Hutton.

Oasis are going to work with Kasabian, which at least means that we'll be able to ignore both of them at once.

Bloc Party have announced they're taking a live break - until 2006. Which is, what, all of seventy-odd days away now.

Radar focuses its beady sweat-eyes on Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (great to listen to, shit to have to type out); Sam Champion and We Are Scientists ("epic versions of everyone's favourite 80s bands.")

Editors attempt to deny that they're nuts - "I'm not singing about unhinged things... I'm singing about love or lack of love or whatever. They affect everyone, not just depressed people."

Sid and Nancy come spewing up out of the archives, at least timely in light of the Muppets Christmas Carol reworking of the myth being played out by Pete and Kate. "She was a bad influence on my Sid" moaned Sid's Mum, amusing words in a week when Old Mother Doherty turned up to berate Pete at a Bristol gig.

reviews
live
red organ serpent sound - nottingham rescue rooms - "so in your face you can't even see the costumes"
the rakes - portsmouth wedgewood rooms - "play fast, die young, leave a hideously hungover corpse"
the chalets - dublin dun laoghaire art college - "sexy, sassy and smart"

albums
john peel tribute album - "Would Napalm Death not have flagged up more of what peel was really about than the cripplingly awful Belle and Sebastian?", 8
Sugababes - taller in more ways - "a mini potted pop history", 6
little brother - the minstrel show - "a sharp sense of humour; warm, supple beats", 8

tracks
totw - white rose movement - alsatian - "robots have a sense of humour too"
the kooks - sofa song - "made for the sofa of your lethargy"
battle - demons - "far from your average wrist slashing ditty"

And finally, Peter Robinson meets up with Miquita Oliver, off of PopWorld and Radio One. Is she, asks Peter, John Peel reincarnated? "Oh God, no, they don't trust me to play music I like."

[EDIT: We forgot to thank Aaron S for the tip on the Telegraph interview.]


ROCKOBIT: Mike Gibbins

The death has been announced of Mike Gibbins, drummer with Badfinger.

Formed in Swansea in 1968, the band took their name from Bad Finger Boogie, which had been the working title for With A Little Help From My Friends; it was far from their only connection with the loveable moptops. Indeed, John Lennon had even suggested an alternate name - The Prix, which says much about Lennon's dead ear - when they'd been casting around to dump their original band name, The Iveys. Their debut single, Come and Get It, was a Paul McCartney compostion and released on Apple.

Ironically, considering their first hit was a bitter rant about The Beatle's money problems, it was finances which would wreck the band and lead to their reputation as a tragedy-magnets. A 1973 deal to take them to Warner Bros screwed their relations with Apple, and with money mysteriously disappearing from the band's accounts, threw them into an unsymapthetic environment which moved quickly from uncomfortable to unworkable. Stricken by personal debt and animosity, their third Warners Album, Head First, never made it out the studios. On April 23rd 1975, Peter Ham was found, having hanged himself while bottoming out in depression. A reunited band formed itself in 1978; history repeated itself in 1993, however, when Tom Evans also hanged himself after financial problems.

After the original Badfinger split, Gibbins continued to work in music - it was his drumming on Bonnie Tyler's It's A Heartache. He eventually relocated to the US; towards the end of the 1990s he tried his hand as a solo artist with a couple of albums, A Place In Time and More Annoying Songs.

Badfinger's biographer, Dan Matovina, told BBC News Online that his time in Badfinger was the highlight of a life in music:

"Badfinger was the highlight of his life, coming out of Wales, having success, touring America. But the tragedy of the loss of two of his bandmates to suicides weighed heavily on that. A lot of things happened that were difficult for him to deal with, the loss of Pete Ham especially, his close friend from Wales - I don't think he ever got over that."

Thanks to Eleanor G for the prod on this one.


THE GIRL HE LEFT BEHIND

There's a not-especially-fascinating story in today's Sunday Mirror where Evelina Roos flogs her story to the paper ("tells all about the Pet Doherty she knew.") It seems she knew Pete when he was gawky, insecure nobody, and actually got briefly engaged to him for a short while. If she's recalling his proposal accurately, the NME should retropsectively strip him of his Cool Icon award from last year:

"Pete was charming and incredibly innocent. He looked like a choirboy. I was over the moon when Pete asked me to marry him. He couldn't control his excitement when I accepted his proposal. He was shouting, 'You are going to cook my dinners and have my babies. You are going to be a good wife. We will be happy ever after'."

Presumably, though, Pete wouldn't object if his wife got a little part-time job once the kids were in school to keep her in chocolates and gin.

It's also hilarious that they met outside the Wag Club. In fact, this interview is probably far more damaging to Doherty's image than any number of shaky videos of him shoving cocaine up his bum:

He told me he lived in Mile End because he loved living with the working classes. (Pete's father is an Army major and the former choirboy was offered a place at Oxford University). He romanticised about them a lot, and I admired him because he was so passionate about it."

Never mind all this Albion malarkey - Pete turns out to be more like the Toynbee Hall Settlement Movement.

You might be wondering how it is that Pete never ended up marrying Evelina, and buying a former council house where he could watch the fascinating working classes going about their business while she made currant buns for tea, in between bouts of labour and morning sickness.

It was that Carl Barat - he came between them, the swine:

Pete had set up home with guitarist Carl Barat, whom he was to form the Libertines with, in Camden, North London. The boys shared a bedsit and Carl hated it when the lovers got intimate late at night. Evelina said: "Pete started kissing me once in the middle of the night and Carl shouted, 'Be quiet'. He then stormed out and made himself a cup of tea. Pete told me Carl didn't like the effect I had on him and somehow our relationship seemed to change. Pete started playing games and saying stuff like, 'Oh I mustn't spoil you', or, 'Don't fall in love with me'. Once I called him and asked whether I could come around. He replied, 'Why don't you just go home?' Sometimes he laughed at me and called me a foreign exchange student. He said he detested them and mimicked the way we spoke. I tried not to act upset, but I was. He had become wild, a bit crazy and totally untrustworthy."

So untrustworthy, actually, he apparently stole her coat to buy drugs. She finally dumped him when she went round to his house and he pretended to not be in. (Although, actually, we'd say technically, that meant that he dumped her.) You're probably best off out of it, Eve. Winter's coming, and you'll need your coat.


GEORGE CLUELESS OVER COKE

Apparently flying back to Britain this weekend, Boy George isn't taking the latest twist in his life that well. Even although it would make a smashing amusing anecdote for his next autobiography. Perhaps not so amusing, come to think of it, if he gets fifteen years prison in New York State.

George claims he's got no idea how the thirteen packets of cocaine came to be strewn across his flat - we're betting its going to be those cockroaches that plague the city. It's well known how much they like their drugs.

Or perhaps they were left by a former owner...


-When buying a house, Kirstie, it's important to check for drugs left behind by the people there before...
- ... or at least the number of their dealer, Phil


THIS WEEK, WE PLUGGED...



As you might have noticed, Franz Ferdinand's new album is now in the shops



Is it just us, or do career-spanning retrospectives turn up much earlier these days? This is the Beta Band's



Sadly, the new Fall album features no work for Tim Gudgeon


Now available for pre-order: Kate Bush's Aerial