Beckham buys dildo. Possibly.

Excitement in LA, as Victoria Beckham goes to a sex shop. An eyewitness, or at least, a bloke with a camera, tells all:

"Victoria was in the store for about 45-minutes taking a good look around.

"She couldn't stop giggling."

And was Victoria out looking for a cock-shaped hunk of whirring, vibrating plastic, or was David back in Spain playing football?

No, this, it seems, is just an attempt to try and interest a fly on the wall:

She was joined by a camera crew who were filming for the star's forthcoming Stateside reality show.

Oh. We thought that this had been canned already, hadn't it? Please tell us that she's not filming it anyway with the vain hope of flogging it to someone later?

Later in the day, there was another dull set-up designed to do little more than fill airtime?

Her security team took a blow-up doll that resembled Posh for a drive round the city before stopping at a jewellery store.

As snappers clamoured to get a shot of Mrs B, her minders opened the car door and pulled out the effigy, complete with trademark sunglasses and a blonde wig.

Eh? But since when did Beckham have "trademark" blonde hair? Besides, unless they'd not fully inflated her it'd be easy to tell the difference.

Still, it amused Victoria Newton:

The joke - which will also be featured on Victoria’s show - proves to the critics she can laugh at herself.

Well, if it counts for anything, we'd probably count as a critic, and, no, it doesn't "prove" anything of the sort - and it's barely even a joke. It's a lame prank that sounds like it was dreamed up by a director desperate to have something to film.