Madonna frets over Polaroid timebomb

We're somehow finding it difficult to believe that Madonna is really as bothered by the upcoming auction of stuff she sent to James Albright as the Mail claims.

At the time, Albright was occupying the awkward position of bodyguard-turned-boyfriend, and Madonna had sent him photos of her bits and letters. Now, he's sold them on, and the Mail reckons she's worried that their coming on the market might be awkward with the Malawian authorities about to perform a belated rating of her suitability as an adoptive parent.

Yes, because a department which would turn a blind eye to the Sex book would find some personal items an uncrossable line. Compared to posing for a money-making scheme which required you to pretend to be taken up the arse by Vanilla Ice, sending a few intimate shots to yur then-partner seems somewhat charming, surely?

The real question is who comes out of the story worse: Madonna or Albright?

The letters and notes, all of which come on "Madonna" headed notepaper, were sent by the singer at a time when she was professionally at her most controversial. She had just brought out her Sex book and was about to release a sadomasochisminspired album named Erotica.

The handwritten letters are signed either "Spanky", apparently a reference to her bedroom preferences at the time, or "Lola's Mum", which is understood to refer to the ambition that Madonna had back then to name her first child Lola. Others sign off with pink lipstick kiss marks.

You send your love letters on headed notepaper? That's only a step away from having them dictated to a secretary.

But then, Albright selling out his ex for a few quid is some especially grubby.

Perhaps, though, the least charming of all the particpants in this game is the spokesperson for Marquee Capital, the group who are selling on the pictures:

A source at Marquee Capital, which is selling the items, claims that rather that being merely salacious, they actually give a fascinating insight into the singer and the workings of her mind at the time.

"It's not all about sex. Some of the notes and letters talk of her world falling apart, others talk of her feeling really low and down. She talks of Albright being the best looking guy in the world and that he does not open up enough to her.

"These letters show us that at the height of her career, she was actually a very insecure woman."

Aha. It's a fascinating glimpse of entertainment history they're selling, rather than a tacky glimpse up Madonna's corset.