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Gordon in the morning: Gordon is broken
Oops. Whoever's been supposed to take care of updating Gordon's page to seamlessly incorporate the Oscars news with Gordon's stuff didn't get the "seamless" part - it seems like The Sun has the same problems updating a website at three in the morning than the rest of us.
The rebuild of the page has also shuffled what the newspaper edition shows as the biggest story down the running order to be leapfrogged by, erm, Charlotte Church dyes hair and Gary Lineker is still going out with the same woman as six months ago. The sudden interest in Lineker's date is because someone's noticed that her surname - Bux - is the first syllable of Buxom, which means there's the option of breast jokes.
I say "jokes":
Danielle was the dish of the night in her low-cut number dress – and I’m sure the Match Of The Day host fancied the bangers.
It's more pointing and saying "breasts!" over and over.
And that main story? Noel Gallagher is leaving Ibiza "to escape James Blunt". It's an amusing angle, but selling a £5.5million house because of a vague chance of seeing James Blunt? Sounds more like a cover story to us.
Oasis are busily recording a new record, which is got Gordo all twitterpated:
I can’t wait to hear the lads’ new material. Apparently it’s a bit more psychedelic than previous offerings.
I’m told one of the tracks is an absolute epic, featuring a 50-voice choir. Sounds mega.
I’m told one of the tracks is an absolute epic, featuring a 50-voice choir. Sounds mega.
Yes, he did just say "sounds mega".
So keen is Gordon to snuggle up to Noel that he decides to stand behind as his hero kicks sand into Blunt's eyes going "you tell 'im, boss":
Of course, Noel will have to find somewhere new to relax and put his feet up after finishing the project.
Sunny Ibiza is now out of the question thanks to that Factor 50 idiot Blunt.
Sunny Ibiza is now out of the question thanks to that Factor 50 idiot Blunt.
Perhaps whoever did the Oscars story rebuild was trying to save Gordon from himself by burying this.
5 comments:
"Danielle was the dish of the night in her low-cut number dress"
Does Gordon mean 'low-cut number'/'low-cut dress'? Because 'low-cut number dress' just makes it sound like she's a character from a BBC Schools programme teaching Primary School maths.
Possibly starring alongside Christopher Lillicrap.
If I didn't know better, I'd suspect you've been waiting for months to find a way to work in a mention of Christopher Lillicrap.
Ah, now there was a entertainer. "Flick through the pages of our book/ there may be something that might make you stop and look..." - indeed, there was, Christopher, like why you didn't choose a stage name...
"and I’m sure the Match Of The Day host fancied the bangers."
I'm confused; surely Bangers are Sausages and therefore the term should refer to the male member (in a euphemistic Carry On way).
Unless he's suggesting that Gary's lass has nipples that look like chippolatas?
You're trying to analyse Gordon's articles too much. Just assume that every third word is a euphemism for breasts and you'll be fine.
"indeed, there was, Christopher, like why you didn't choose a stage name..."
I suspect you're hinting at this, but there's a great story (possibly true, but who cares) about Lilicrap, and how when he was getting started in showbiz, was told he might want to change his name. So he changed his first name from Simon to Christopher.
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