Gordon in the morning: One for the ladies

Do you remember Gordon launching a "league for overpaid footie stars who wear crap clobber"? No, us neither, and it's funny that such a snappy title for such a fascinating idea would have somehow failed to fix itself into our consciousness.

We're going to find it hard to forget Gordon picking the subject up today, though, as the lead story in Bizarre is given over to a long discussion of Andriy Shevchenko's underwear. It's fair to say Gordon spends a lot of time thinking about what Andriy has in his shorts:

Chafe-chenko wears a thong
[...]
wearing a pair of PETER STRINGFELLOW-style undercrackers
[...]
the Ukrainian striker was spotted on a posh golf course bending over to reveal a little black thong
[...]
a group of golfers on a nearby tee spotted the suspicious G-string
[...]
A thong on a golf course is a rare sight
[...]
wear women’s underwear
[...]
gentlemen’s thongs
[...]
the same trick on his panties
[...]
like a thong

Clearly, Gordon has thought about this a lot. Almost as if he's somehow unable to get the thong out of his head:

my computer wizards have mocked up how Andriy might look sporting one while in action for the Blues.

And there's nothing wrong with asking an artist to draw a picture of a sportsman wearing a thong if you've got a strong story like, erm, golfing rivals claiming they think they might have just spotted the top of a g-string peeking out of his trousers. Hey, Gordon, did you ever wonder what Sid from Skins would look like in a bikini brief?

Meanwhile, Gordon has decided that "Kylie's latest bid to crack the US" (crack, again?) has failed, although we're not sure a couple of songs on Dancing With The Stars quite constitutes the full push for American hearts and minds; I'm guessing Kylie might have expected it to be a little more work than that.

And can anyone spot what's unusual about Gordon's story about Winehouse this morning?

Meanwhile, it emerged Amy could appear at this year’s Glastonbury festival – controversial headline choice JAY-Z wants the Rehab singer to perform with him.

Yes, of course: that would be the Jay-Z who, in two lead stories last week, Gordon swore was pulling out of Glastonbury because he'd got the hump with being blamed for poor ticket sales. So he's lining up Amy to play with him in a set which isn't going to happen, is he, Smart?