Rav Singh reports from the end of Empires

Poor old Rav Singh, forever shunted to the corners of the News of the World, is today trying to make something exciting out of Boyzone splitting.

Actually, he doesn't even have that to work with. He's actually got a "we're so happy to be back, we all get on" interview, and - in a desperate bid to try and make it interesting - focuses on the smallest fleck of grit in the band's comments:

Shane Lynch admitted things were so bad, he ended up hitting the bottle.

Shane said: "I found myself drinking through the day just to find some sort of happiness—but I couldn't find it. That's not a good place to be in.

"We hated it, we hated each other and we were overworked."

The trouble is, if things were that bad how plausible would it be that they have got back together so quickly and so happily? Rav doesn't seem to be able to knit this together in any sense; nor does he ask Lynch to expound on his claims about hitting the bottle. (Nobody ever does - he told the Wiltshire Gazette & Herald that he was "almost an alcoholic" and the paper doesn't think to ask what that actually means - or, indeed, if "I was nearly addicted" makes any sense at all.)

Instead, Rav happily hands over the page to the Boyzone PR machine:

Shane said: "There's going to be a really different vibe to the show.

"There will be five outfit changes for the JACKSON 5 medley. The crowd are going to love it. But we're all dead nervous." Mikey added: "We've got more creative control over the way the shows are going to go this time round.

Are you sure that's entirely wise, Mikey from Boyzone?