Peaches Geldof's quick ceremony in Las Vegas - she popped into a wedding chapel and came out, officially and legally, as a pisspoor parody of Britney Spears - gets a full three-byline coverage from The Sun, leaving Gordon with nothing to do but supply an opinion piece.
But, really, what is there to say?
Does it? And yet, if so, why are you giving her the attention?
More interestingly is the way that Smart thinks it's the age rather than the nature of the marriage which is the demand to be looked at. Quite a few people get married at 19 and have long and successful marriages, surely, Gordon?
Not least. Mind you, it's probably no less terrible than being in Chester French.
Still, we've seen Little House On The Prairie, and we know how this one goes - the dad makes the judge un-marry them at gun point, doesn't he?
Meanwhile, Gordon claims that Madonna is about to lets call it "adopt" another Malawian, who nobody at all is pretending to be an orphan this time round, at least. Smart, though, runs a photo of the child - Mercy. Perhaps he believes that the PCC rules on invading the privacy of children don't apply if they're not British.