Gordon in the morning: What a Lott for not a lot

With breathless enthusiasm, Gordon overpushes a session from Pixie Lott this morning:

WITH a cracking voice, an offer from top modelling agency Select and the backing of big record execs, new songbird PIXIE LOTT has it all before her.

"New songbird"? Oh, my.

Lott appears to be the result of Universal trying to splice Duffy and one of Girls Aloud (it doesn't matter which, just one of them), and Smart is VERY EXCITED:

Pixie had the cameramen mesmerised with her hotpants and five-inch stilettos.

Ah yes: there's nothing like an artists whose talent is measured in heel length, is there?

Remember — you saw her here first.

Assuming, of course, you hadn't seen her doing Dermot O'Leary a couple of weeks ago.

Meanwhile: Coldplay go rave.

No, no: really. Look, there's photographic evidence:

Hey... hang about a little... that's not a real photo, is it?

Mock-up ... how frontman Chris Martin might look

Why do they do this? Why? Seriously, Gordon, did someone pass that photo to you and you really thought "that's great, because sticking a face on some random body that may or may not be somebody at a rave really captures the idea of Coldplay going rave"? Seriously?

Although compared with the claim stuck on the story, the photo is like cinema verite. Because how have Coldplay gone rave?

COLDPLAY may have made their name with heart-stirring rock ballads.

But that’s about to change thanks to drummer WILL CHAMPION’s tinkering in the studio.

The tub-thumper wants to take the rockers on a rave odyssey after investing in some top-of-the-range beat-making equipment.

Yes, that's right - Gordon's "Coldplay go rave" story is actually "drummer buys a drum machine". There is no mock up of Will Champion opening a cardboard box.pixie lott