Gordon in the morning: Apparently it's still 1995

Okay, I know I might find it hard to let things go occasionally, but can you believe that Liam Gallagher is still fighting the Britpop wars:

"I'm right into the Blur reunion, 'cos it'll finish off the KAISER CHIEFS and put them to bed.

"There's nothing worse than a s*** Blur. And at least the original s*** Blur are back to finish off all these other s*** Blurs. I'm bang into the Blur reunion.

"I'll tell you what, though, all these band reunions recently, it just goes to show who's the real deal."

Yes, Gordon Smart is delighted to discover this abandoned serviceman, trapped in the jungle, still battling against enemies who have long since sued for peace.

But what, you wonder, can Liam mean about reunions showing you who the "real deal" is?

Oasis have never split up. Now all these bands have come back, just as the recession is kicking in.

"They've all been found out."

Oh, god help us, he's trying to do financial analysis.

While it's true that Oasis might never have split up, the Blur playing this year are the same Blur who started out, whereas Oasis have had to have actual musicians parachuted into their set-up to try and bulk up the operation, which might make it difficult for the Gallagher brothers to claim they're the same band? And why does Liam think they deserve credit for slogging on in the first place? Would Oasis not have done well to have had a bit of a rest instead of churning out the same album, only worse, every couple of years? Isn't a band that never runs out of inspiration one that isn't particularly inspired to begin with?

"SPANDAU BALLET? I've seen TONY HADLEY, and it's more like Spandau Belly."

Ha ha! Because Tony Hadley is fat. More like Expandau Belly, eh, Liam?

It's a shame The Topper closed, isn't it? They used to give a pound to readers for jokes like that.