The leading story in the showbusy world this morning, according to the online version of Bizarre, is that, erm, Kate Moss has done some modeling.
Yes, since you ask, that is what she does for a living and not, you'd consider, so much of a surprise. Saskia Quirke is given the task of trying to make 'person does job for which they're paid' into something noteworthy:
SMOULDERING KATE MOSS is back to being super-glam again — after some rough words about her recent appearances.
Super-glam, huh? Who is she modeling? Versace? Gucci?
She wore outfits, including a £130 see-through top, that she designed for Topshop.
Oh. Superglam in a Top Shop sense, then.
Still, at least you can see her nipples in one picture, eh, Saskia?
And there’s no doubt which image is breast.
Breast - do you get it? Do you? It's quite subtle.
Oddly, though, while in this piece, Bizarre is pointing and yelling "look, you can see her tits and everything", Gordon suddenly comes over all coy when talking about Dizzee Rascal and hios ways of saving money:
He tells me: “I’m quite an outgoing person, but I much prefer staying in, playing PlayStation and getting... ”
Er, let’s just say at this point he explained that he likes getting intimate with da ladies.
Do you mean fucking, Gordon? Given that you run photo after photo of women showing their nix and nips, why do you suddenly get all shy when you have to actually talk about sex?
Isn't there a name for someone who is sneakily obsessed with breasts and butts, but turns bright red and can't look you in the eye when talk about people actually having sex?
Oh, yeah: it's "pubescent", isn't it?
It's not entirely clear why Dizzee is sharing his money saving tips with us in the first place, but it does give Gordon's Photoshop Intern the chance to lazily stick Rascal's head on The Sun's Captain Crunch character. That's the retread of the News Of The World's Captain Cash, bemusingly named after the Sou'westered breakfast cereal hero. Although, to be honest, I'm not sure very many women would be thrilled to know you're staying in having sex with them because you're too cheap to spring for a trip to the pictures.