Bez: Yougov had some time on its hands

With Bez (real name Bez Outofthehappymondays) planning a run for parliament in Salford, YouGov decided to ask people if they think he'd make a good MP.

It's not entirely clear why this was the criteria, as nobody ever votes for a glitzy celeb candidate on the basis of if they'd be any good at the job - otherwise Louise Mensch would not have become the ex-MP for Corby, never mind the actual MP for Corby.

Still, those were the criteria.

A new YouGov survey finds that, excluding those who don't know enough about Bez to say (43% of the total) or don't have an opinion (19%), 31% think he would make a good MP while 69% say he would make a bad one.

Bez might be worried by these figures, but there's an upside. Most people haven't got a clue who is or have an opinion about him; so the fact that those who do know him wouldn't let him within a country mile of the House of Commons isn't a major problem. There's a massive base of people who don't blink and say "what, the maracas guy?", which is room to build on.

And while barely half the world is aware of him or his work, that's not too bad: according to Pointless, nobody in the country remembers who George Osborne is, left to their own devices.

Bez arrested

Bez has been arrested at Euston after failing to answer bail:

He was arrested by officers from British Transport Police at the railway station earlier.

A transport police spokesman said: "Mark Berry has been charged with breach of a restraining order and trespass on a railway."

Still better off that Shaun Ryder, though.

Bez: Strangeways, there you go

After serving two weeks of his one-month sentence for attacking his partner, Bez is out of Strangeways.

He'd have probably have spent longer in the Big Brother house than he did in prison.

Bez goes into the big house

Bez has been sent to prison after refusing to accept a community service sentence. He'd tried to throttle his partner because... well, there isn't any justification, but he thought she'd taken money from him.

Reacting to his original sentence - which also included an order to pay £450 costs - he said: "I'm not doing it.

"Bothered. I'm going to appeal and take this to a real court."

After being told he would go to jail instead, he shouted "Victory is in my grasp" as he was handcuffed and led away.

He reacted to a sentence by saying "bothered"? Although he isn't a fifteen year-old girl living in 2005? No wonder he was thrown into jail.

Still, on the plus side for Bez, it does give him a watertight excuse for not being part of Ultimate Big Brother.

Holding out for Celebrity Gladiators: Bez goes bust again

Having cleared his last bankruptcy by winning Celebrity Big Brother, Bez is now back to square one: he's bankrupt again.

Apparently the Insolvency Register lists him as "journalist and musician", which seems to be wrong. Twice.

Shaun Ryder's hearing voices

I suppose the Happy Mondays have never been a band to worry overmuch about the idea of their legacy - after all, they never really bothered that much about survival, never mind how posterity will view them. But even so: Ghosthunting With The Happy Mondays on ITV2?

During the course of the programme - helmed by Yvette Fielding, naturally - they're going to have a seance. Possibly to try and contact Bez.

Thank you for your help, Bez

As if the intervention of MSN to Pete Doherty's health isn't enough assistance for one man to cope with, Bez has decided to offer the benefit of his wisdom to both Doherty and Amy Winehouse:

"Pete Doherty is talked about all the time but he's a fucking lightweight. He spends more time in rehab than he does taking drugs for fuck's sake.

"Winehouse is the same, she's got a lot to prove. There are too many part-time rock n' rollers these days. They should get out and have a good time. I've not spent a minute in rehab in 25 years and I'm alright."

True, assuming your definition of "alright" can encompass having a life based around being thought of as the sort of person who needs his mittens on string and probably shouldn't be allowed his own scissors.

As in the joke:
What's Bez's name short for?
To give him a half-decent chance of remebering how to spell it, probably.

V organisers have a private joke

With Amy Winehouse off not-getting-rehab-it-is-a-retreat to sort out her "problems", the V festival needed a big name who could be relied on to concentrate on the job in hand rather than getting lost in a haze of drink and drugs.

They called the Happy Mondays.

Surely, when gig bookers are suggesting that you;re less reliable than Bez, that has to be a wake-up call?

Bez: Everything's a sideshow

We could understand Bez's motivation for going on Celebrity Big Brother - he was broke - but selling your own wedding as a public entertainment? That's a little low, surely? Couldn't you just sell the toasters if you need cash that badly.

Bez's fiance, Monica Wood, says:

"I'm not really into TV cameras."

You might want to have a word before the conception of the kids is sold to Bravo, Monica.

Bez barred from US

The Happy Mondays set at Coachella won't be quite the full deal: Bez was turned back by US immigration. The band have rustled up a statement:

"Because of the tightening of immigration and working visa legislation, Bez was not, unfortunately, able to secure a visa to perform at Coachella this weekend," it said.

"Happy Mondays apologise to all their US fans that they will not, on this occasion, be able to enjoy the spectacle of Bez shaking his stuff for them at Coachella."

The Manchester Evening News is guessing this is down to Bez's drug record, but we can't imagine a drug-bust filter which would allow Shaun Ryder through and capture Bez. It's more likely a work visa thing: "And what is your line of work, Mr. Bez?" is going to be a tricky one to answer, isn't it?