Anthrax don't quite last as long as Jessica Simpson

If Simpson fans feel short-changed, though, they're still better off than any Anthrax fans who sat through some sort of snowboarding contest in order to see a short set by their heroes. The snowboarding over-ran - presumably because judges found it difficult to decide who was best at sliding down some ice on a slippery thing - and so instead of forty-five minutes, Anthrax got to do three songs. One which was obscured by technical failures.

Still, Anthrax have said sorry:

We want to apologise to our fans who came out to the Red Bull event last night in the hellish cold to see us play. One of the snowboarding events ran very late, which caused us to delay the start of our set. That, and a curfew we were not informed about snowballed into an unfortunate situation that was beyond our control.

"No one was more surprised than us when they cut the PA before we could finish the third song. We are particularly mortified that this happened.

"Nothing like this has ever happened to Anthrax before, and we regret that it happened last night. Thank you to those who came out to support, and once again, our sincere apologies."

What makes it particularly galling is being bumped for people playing in the snow. It's like having your set cut short due to swingball over-running.

Gordon in the morning: Snow day

With the country driving into a snow bank and deciding to stay home - except for moaning representatives of small business organisations, who seemed to have no problem getting to TV studios to whine that everyone was having fun instead of turning up to be laid off - would Gordon be able to cope? Or would there just be a skeleton gossip service running for Sun readers?

Today's lead suggests the latter:

HERE’S X Factor supremo SIMON COWELL in never-seen-before holiday snaps looking like dancefloor king JOHN TRAVOLTA.

Yes, today's Bizarre is as empty as the bread counter in the corner shop, as Gordon tries to make a story out of someone who found some old photos of Simon Cowell.

Melissa Zimmelstern was on holiday in the same resort and is pictured with Simon. She found the snaps while rooting around in a box full of old holiday albums in her loft.

That noise? Oh, that's the wailing of Fiona Bruce, distraught at the loss of a chance of such a valuable artifact from the Antiques Roadshow.

Luckily, of course, there is an full overseas staff of celebrities able to keep things churning over. If nobody turns up to do anything interesting in the UK, there's always Amy Winehouse to fall back on:

Amy's off to isle of druggies

Anglesey?

RECOVERING junkie AMY WINEHOUSE is planning a change of scenery — by moving to druggie paradise Jamaica.

No, I'm sure The Sun checked that that is the official tourism slogan the country is using right now.

God, Jamaica sounds terrible:

The Rehab singer, 25, wants to record her hugely-delayed third album on the Caribbean island where illegal drugs are known to be widely available.
[...]
The label is “fully aware” Jamaica is awash with drugs like crack cocaine and cannabis.

What a horrible sounding place - awash with drugs, you say. It's slightly odd, then, that last summer the Sun's travel column was recommending the island as a place for a jolly holiday, isn't it?