Ronaldo - a footballer - went out wearing a pink baseball cap yesterday. And why not? After all, it's 2009.
Oh. It turns out it's not 2009 in The Sun and Bizarre. It's still 1973. And around eight in the evening on midweek ITV style 1973 at that:
TODAY I unveil Bizarre’s How Camp Is CRISTIANO RONALDO Guy-ger Counter.
The level of campness is represented by pink tents – five being screaming DANNY LA RUE levels of flamboyance and one being your common-or-guyliner type effeminacy.
sjfgjdsg`yg - sorry, I'm finding it difficult to type with my face buried in my hands.
Guy-ger counter? Pink tents? Danny LaRue?
Oh, and if you miss the bubbling homophobia that is subtly bubbling away in the background on this one, the "pink tents" on the illustration of Gordon's Guy-ger counter actually just look like pink triangles.
I guess we should applaud Gordon's restraint at not calling it the gay-ger counter.
Still, at least we can be sure that Gordon isn't gay, what with the way he enjoys looking at a photo where you can make out the outline of Victoria Beckham's nipples. That's the polar opposite of wearing a pink cap.