Gordon in the morning: Something to celebrate

If you wish you had something to celebrate like the way cricket fans are celebrating, you could try Gordon's pages this morning:

No more UK Oasis gigs after band pull out of fest

Wow. Gordon is close to Oasis - or, rather, hangs around them a lot and often gets a mate to take a picture of him almost in focusing distance of Noel - so he really must know something to carry such a final headline. What do you know, Gordon?

IF you were one of the lucky punters at V Fest in Stafford on Saturday, you can now claim the honour of seeing the last ever OASIS gig on British soil.

Did the management tell you this? Was it something you overheard Noel saying?

The Manc legends pulled out of their headline slot at Chelmsford's V last night because frontman LIAM has been struck down with viral laryngitis.

Yes, yes, but why is it the end? Did Kasabian text you to tell you they've moved up place up the 'laddish live' league ladder?

The lads still have a few European tour dates left to play, but...

There's a but?

unless someone offers them silly money to take the stage once more in Britain then I can't see them performing together again.

Ah... so Gordon's big, eyecatching story is something that he's guessing?

Smart doesn't even bother to make up a source or a pal, but just mentions that Noel and Liam don't get on. A dangerous state of affairs for a band, albeit one that they've managed to scrape by under for over a decade.

Were you a betting man, you might consider that Gordon had intended to flood this space with guff about what a brilliant time he had backstage hanging out with Oasis and had to scrabble about to fill the space with something, anything.

Stars tell us what they think about Oasis pulling out of gig:

Anything at all, it turns out.

Actor STEPHEN GRAHAM said: "It's bad form. I can't believe it. I'm only at V to see them. I don't believe Liam lost his voice. It must've kicked off."

Yes you do; he was the bloke who was involved in that dodgy tobacco-selling scam with Steve McDonald.

But it's not just rising actors who Gordon canvassed. He, erm, even listened to the radio:

JAMES MORRISON told Absolute Radio: "Everyone's gonna be gutted. It's a shame, definitely, it'll be a big gap."

But is everyone going to be gutted? Gordon, Ben Bradlee would demand a second source to stack this one up.

HARRY POTTER star RUPERT GRINT said: "I'm gutted. I was looking forward to Oasis. It was going to be the highlight of my weekend."

Okay, everyone was gutted.

Still, even with Oasis sending the filling-in-a-page-of-newspaper industry into turmoil, Gordon had other work to do at Essex. Yes, even travelling out of the M25 doesn't spare him from his need to push JLS at us like they're mouldering fish and we're very, very hungry sealions:

PULLING machines JLS didn't play at V but still made their mark with the ladies there.

MARVIN HUMES has been bombarding PIXIE LOTT with flirty texts and the singer blushed when I quizzed her about it.

I don't know which members of Gordon's family Simon Cowell is holding, but