Jackson sick

CNN are saying Janet Jackson was rushed to hospital shortly before she was due on stage in Montreal, and who are we to doubt that they checked the word "rushed" before publishing? If CNN says she was "rushed", then she was rushed, and not merely taken.

Barker out

Travis Barker has been released from hospital; he's been getting treatment for burns following his escape from the fatal plane crash.

DMX strokes out

DMX had been due in court in Arizona on one of the slew of outstanding cases against him, but instead spent the time in a Florida hospital - apparently suffering from 'fear of a stroke' (as opposed to pulling one, you'd have to presume.) The court date has been rescheduled for Tuesday, assuming DMX doesn't have an attack of 'worrying about pneumonia' or 'panicky feelings over gout'.

Cole hospitalised

Natalie Cole has been hospitalised for over a week; her team report that medication for hepatitis C and a heavy promotional schedule have combined to leave her needing treatment.

A&E Winehouse

Why was Amy Winehouse taken to A&E - sorry, rushed; one is always rushed to hospital - last night?

No, I don't really know. You don't really know. The BBC reports that her spokesperson says she had an adverse reaction to her medication, and that they'll decide if she is well enough to be released today.

It's an information vacuum, into which the papers have found themselves rushing inexorably. The Sun sets three journalists onto the story:

By GORDON SMART,
CHARLOTTE SPRATT
and ANDY WHELAN

Oh, alright, two journalists and Gordon. It's not, sadly, clear what Gordon brought to the reporting, but we suspect his special job was writing the byline.

The Sun reports how serious it all is:

JUNKIE singer AMY WINEHOUSE was rushed to hospital last night as her distraught father said: "She’s fucked up, she’s fucked up."

An ambulance and fast response car raced to her house after frantic dad MITCH called 999 when she started having fits.

Goodness. That sounds like Mitch was out of his mind with... oh, hang on... according to the Mirror, while Mitch was understandably concerned, everything seemed under control:

Dad Mitch, who dashed into the house just before the ambulance arrived, said: "She’s fine, she just mixed up her medication."

And, by the time you get to the Express:

Winehouse's father Mitch remained with the singer. He asked reporters and photographers to leave the family alone. However, when asked how serious his daughter's condition was, he held up a bag of KFC and replied: "This is how serious it is."

Bloody hell. If her faculties are so damaged she's demanding a bucket of beaks in lard, things must be very bad indeed.

Oddly, there is no mention of the really horrifying part of the story in the papers, and for that we have to return to the BBC coverage:

Police were called at about 2100 BST to clear a path for the ambulance through waiting photographers.

A Scotland Yard spokesman said: "We were asked to assist in the London Ambulance Service leaving the vicinity where a crowd of photographers had gathered."

All the tabloids were aware that the ambulance had "raced" to the scene. None seem interested that the bunch of photographers snapping pictures for them made it difficult for the ambulance to rush away.

Winehouse falls

Like a rag doll, it seems: she fainted while signing autographs for some Canadians outside her house; she was taken to hospital - with her father, oddly - "as a precaution." As a further precaution, they're probably going to keep her in overnight.

Spears snoops sacked, says Simpson

While Britney Spears was in the UCLA Medical Center having her problems enumerated if not exactly solved, some of the staff took the chance to take a sneak peak at her medical records.

Hospital Human Resource head Jeri Simpson has found out, and canned the employees.

While it's heartening to see the hospital move so swiftly and decisively, we're not entirely sure it's done the right thing. Because before there were curious employees who knew some secrets about Britney Spears, but couldn't share them, because it would cost their jobs, and nobody knew they knew things they shouldn't know.

Now, there are unemployed people who have no jobs to lose, and a press statement revealing their existence. Hasn't the sackings and Simpson's announcements made a bad situation potentially a lot worse?

Especially as this is the second time it's happened - same patient, same hospital, same head of HR, same transgression, same result. You might wonder if the problem is not with the individuals, but perhaps further up in the hiring and training chain.

Glitter sickens as ticker flickers

Sky News is reporting that Gary Glitter is currently in hospital after suffering a heart attack. The channel claims that "it is believed" he could be returned to Britain early, in order to receive treatment, although it doesn't offer any explanation as to what might lead to this belief so soon after Glitter fell ill.

Britney hospitalised

BBC News is reporting that Britney Spears has been taken to hospital in an ambulance; shortly after she passed the children to Kevin Federline.

Doing it, inevitably, for the kids

Pop princess (TM) Kylie popped into a hospital for sick kiddies - no S Club Junior gags please - to cheer them up at the weekend. Isn't she, to quote Mr Wonder, lovely? Undercover reports that Kylie's Dad is suffering from "prostrate cancer" - which we presume is one that lays you out?