INXS deny dumping fortune

Last week, JD Fortune, who had won the job of being the disappointing singer in the pointless continuing INXS, was back living in a car and complaining that he'd been ill-served by the band.

The band, though deny they treated him badly:

INXS creative director and global business strategist Chris Murphy says, "Not only ...

Woah, woah... hold on there. The "creative director and global business strategist" of INXS? God, don't you live in fear of a concept album where he gets a side to himself.

So, what did the 'effectively, selling music is no different to selling squeezy cheese or tyres' guy say, then?

INXS creative director and global business strategist Chris Murphy says, "Not only are we shocked by the claims, even the place the supposed incident was to have taken place is a mystery to the band.

"What annoys me the most after viewing Fortune's interview is the bloody slant he makes toward the founding band members. These guys are the nicest people on this planet, they are not the people he portrays.

"The band have always stated to me that Fortune's services could potentially be contracted again when INXS next tour. In fact he was next on my list to call regarding a very big recording project I am putting together for INXS at present. I guess I have no reason to call him now."

Right next on the list. No, seriously, look at this post-it note: I'd ticked off 'collect laundry', I'd ticked off 'send email to Kylie's people asking if she'd like a go on one of the other guys'; that only left 'call JD with super secret recording mission offer' and 'stairlift copmany - sponsors?' outstanding on the to-do list. Genuinely. Next on the list.

INXS: Reversal of fortune

Winning a reality TV show - that's the route to fame and fortune and, at the very least, not living like a tramp in a lay-by, right?

Of course not.

JD Fortune, who won the chance to replace Michael Hutchence in INXS, is now living in a car in Canada. He says the band kicked him out with no warning, dumping him at Hong Kong Airport and he's had a bit of trouble since then.

The band, of course, deny it.

Actually, they don't:

A spokeswoman for the group said she could not comment on Fortune's sacking, as did band member Kirk Pengilly's fiancee Layne Beachley when contacted by Confidential.

You've got to love the surprised tone that "the fiance of someone in the band didn't have a comment to make". Presumably, there wasn't enough time to seek a response from the cousin of the guy who does the printing for the band's accountants, either?

Darkness at 3AM

The Mirror has been very excited about this morning's relaunch of the 3AM Column, headed up by Danielle Lawler, who had lasted about a week in Gordon Smart's 'cabinet' over at The Sun and Clemmie Moodie (whose name sounds like an exercise set by a speech therapist). It was trailed as a first taste of what the new, modern, redesigned Mirror is going to feel like, but it doesn't (online at least) have very much of a different feel. And the content? As far as you can judge, it's same old same old.

Although it is difficult to tell for sure, as today's column is all about the new 3AM girls, making the same mistake Gordon did when he took over: assuming readers give half a honk about the people who filter this stuff.

So, we discover that Danielle's first album was Kick by INXS:

Kick by INXS. At least it wasn't Jason Donovan!

while Clementine Tangerine's was, inevitably, Jason Donovan.

Naturally, a bunch of PR staff have ghostwritten welcome messages from their charges - but even then, it's quite a poor selection: Kelly Osbourne, Leon Jackson, Leona Lewis, Ant and Dec and Simon Cowell. Even if you can get over the wonder that all the well-wishes have come from people connected with Cowell's Saturday night talent shows, you'd have to say that this is a bit weak. No Madonna, not even a Daniel Craig? Instead, they're relaunching with warm words from Leon Jackson, a man who couldn't even remember his own name if 'who won the X Factor in 2007' came up on the pub quiz machine.

Even the wicked whispers are about them:

Which showbiz columnist kissed a very un-single Hollywood actor in a trendy Portuguese nightclub? The love-rat didn't say he was taken...

Unless that was Gordon. It couldn't have been Gordon, could it?

No admittance of the General Public

It's twenty years since the Beat - who, apparently, we're all now calling The English Beat - played in the UK; they're now back, with their original line-up, supporting INXS.

INXS, it's fairly safe to say, won't be fielding their original line-up.

They'll be at the following places - we'd strongly suggest leaving after The Beat have gone off:

Tuesday 5th June - BRISTOL Colston Hall
Wednesday 6th - NOTTINGHAM Royal Concert Hall
Tuesday 12th - GLASGOW Clyde Auditorium
Thursday 14th - MANCHESTER Apollo
Friday 15th - NEWCASTLE City Hall
Sunday 17th - BRIGHTON Dome
Monday 18th - BIRMINGHAM Symphony Hall
Thursday 21st - LONDON Hammersmith Apollo
Monday 25th - SHEFFIELD City Hall