The illustrated Friends: Shirley Bassey

This one's not, perhaps, the biggest challenge of the list. Shirley Bassey, star of one out of three of Tom Jones' anecdotes. I suspect there'll be a special edition of The Voice dedicated to just those.

So, what shall we go with? How about whisking ourselves back to one of the strangest periods of Saturday night light entertainment, when Mike Yarwood and Shirley Bassey had a perplexing slot-sharing agreement which saw their programmes alternate: one week it'd be unconvincing Denis Healey impersonations; the next - heralded by Shirley throwing shapes on a speedboat - it would be Bassey.

Here she's introduced by songwriter Rod McKuen - a man who seems convinced that his love of sheepdogs is some sort of matter of public record - belting out a heartbreaker:


[Buy: Shirley Bassey: The Singles]
[Part of the illustrated Friends]

Gennaro Castaldo Watch: Too old for the charts

The Western Mail got incredibly excited at the news that the Pet Shop Boys might have written a song for Shirley Bassey, even although the PSBs didn't make it sound like a record coming to shops near you any time soon:

Pet Shop Boys keyboardist Chris Lowe said: “I didn’t think anyone knew about that.

“Well, we’ve written a song for Shirley Bassey which we’ve heard she likes so that’s all I know.”

But here's the problem: how can the Western Mail make a full story out of a couple of words from Chris Lowe that suggest there's not really much of a story anyway? Is there someone, perhaps, they could call; someone willing to work up analysis out of the throwaway mention that Shirley might have heard a song written by Lowe and Tennant?

HMV music expert Gennaro Castaldo said: “She doesn’t have to worry about getting in the charts anymore, she is past all of that, but she might find it quite appealing in conjunction with the Pet Shop Boys.

“You could be looking at a number one.”

Or possibly a number 37. Or maybe even a song which never sees the light of day.

Still, charming to see that HMV's obsession with bringing in the youth to their stores has reached such Logans Runesque proportions that being a bit older than the average pop star sees you being pegged as "past" wanting to have a record that sells well. It's not as if Chris Lowe is going to be welcomed a Club 18-30 holiday, is it?

Tabloid round-up: The last knockings

Someone - oddly, there's no byline - seems to have spent Glastonbury following Kate Moss and Pete Doherty around, detailing their doings - being blocked from going to watch the Arctic Monkeys at the side of the stage (the paper suggests this was 'keeping out the riff-raff', but they let The View get a good view); checking their faces were "straight"; locking Babyshambles out their bus so they could have what the paper is too coy to call sex; and having some sort of falling-out with the Klaxons.

Apparently, Jacqui Doherty was there to watch - the band, rather than the sex and fighting, we presume, and she was pressed for her views on her son:

“Pete’s not ready to give up yet. He will have to hit rock bottom before he can rise up again.”

Ooh, that's good news, Jacqui - it sounds like you might get a second book out of him.

Still, that's not the big news from Somerset, it seems. Oh no, it's apparently that it was the year of the catsuit. There were a whole two of them:

WHAT kind of idiot wears a catsuit to Glasto? Well, PIXIE GELDOF and LOVEFOXXX of CSS, it seems.

Pixie is young enough to get away with her skintight togs, but how she managed to go to the muddy loos in that thing is beyond me.

Meanwhile, trendy Brazilian singer Lovefoxxx’s get-up was even more complex.

We love that slightly sneery "trendy Brazilian singer", as if someone running a non-story as an excuse to run a photo of Bob Geldof's daughter in a one-piece is able to take moral high ground.

Trouble is, Geldof wasn't even wearing a catsuit - all catsuits are one-pieces, but not all one-pieces are catsuits.

Oddly, the Sun misses the biggest story of the weekend. As the Mirror reports, Shirley Bassey's appearance was nearly her last, as her helicopter home was forced to make an emergency landing in Surrey as it lost power:

It touched down at 8pm amid howling winds and rain in the grounds of Collingwood College in Camberley, Surrey.

The shaken pilot emerged to ask locals: "Where am I?"

"He apologised for scaring them before admitting: "That was terrifying.

"I was losing power and the mist was so thick I couldn't see where I was going.

"I've got a special passenger. We have had an almighty let off. Thank God."

Locals then watched gobsmacked as Dame Shirley Bassey clambered from the chopper in wellingtons.

She said: "We are so sorry to have bothered you. May I please use someone's toilet? And a cup of tea would go down a treat."

Can someone be double-dame'ed?

Less successfully, the 3AM Girls abandon gossip-hounding for reviewing:

KAISER Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson took the Glasto crowd to a whole new high with his energetic performance.

The loveable rocker karate kicked and strutted through hits including I Predict A Riot. The highlight was Oh My God when the crowd was jumping with him.

Top marks!

Bless them; this is the sort of thing you read in thank-you letters stuck on Tesco walls after they've hosted a school trip: "We saw the men making the bread. My favourite bit was when they sliced the loaf. It was exciting!"

There's a special section on the festival on the Mirror website, where you can still read their cast-iron prediction of a Libertines reunion:

We can exclusively reveal that the turbulent couple will be playing a momentous acoustic set on the Saturday.

Perhaps it was just very, very secret.

Blog round-up: Press red for disappointment

Good lord, it's a sprawling site this year, isn't it? In a bid to test the theory that there might be more to Glastonbury than any one person could see, the BBC's Ian Youngs attempted to visit every stage in a day:

It is a place to see up-and-coming indie starlets, while in the Chill 'n' Charge Tent there is yet another stage set up beside hundreds of people who are recharging their mobile phones.

In the end, he manages to trot past 44 venues, but admits that he might "have missed some" and only managed it by sticking to music sites.

Still, at least he could get around. Charlotte from Still Life With Plaster had planned on going, but then something snapped. Her leg:

I must admit to longing to be able to slip something of the sort on myself instead of this boring old plaster, & Alice can second that emotion - these things were designed by bloody sadists! Watching the festival coverage, & the prevailing conditions, we're both actually glad we didn't make the effort to attend after all - the plasters would have been disasters, I think, what with attempting to crutch up & down muddy hills , stand in sodden, muddy fields, slopping & sloshing around, etc, it would probably have all been too distressing & physically demanding if not impossible. I read yesterday that around 1000 people had been injured, slipping around, mostly minor but still: I dread to think how it might have been possible to cope with a full leg plaster, even in clement weather conditions (which, from experience, occasionally do prevail!).

Still, they're able to enjoy the BBC coverage. Baria's blog is impressed with the choice, if not all the presentation:

Four channels with interactive screens and choices of genres and bands and who knows what else. Totally stunning use of the new media that is unsurpassed anywhere on the globe. If you don't live in the UK you really should come for a visit just to see it.

But there are some elements that make me really tetchy. The main one being that once the presenters - like Phil Jupitous and Mark Radcliffe - get some mud on their Drizabones they suddenly end up doing crap imitations of John Peel.

There are lots of "errrms and right that was... ermmmm where are we?" and so on.

It is a bitter disappointment when their radio shows are so much better. Jupitus spent the last broadcast complaining about his back ache. Loose weight large person and all will be resolved say I.

But watching all this leads me to think that perhaps the revellers at Glastonbury are the same people I met in Camden a few months ago. A bunch of late boomers (sic) who will not give up the cause.

Rock n Roll isn't a youth movement anymore. It is a middle aged lifestyle and whilst it makes me sad it also frees the possibilities for the future.

Interestingly, Stuffem watches and also worries about the audience while enjoying the breadth of the coverage:

I think I’m all Glastonbury’d out from the massive Glastonbury coverage. With interweaving coverage on BBC2, BBC3,BBC4 and the Freeview interactive channels over the three days including today. It’s always hard to follow and filter it all. I think I had my ‘Tut tut , (rolls eyes)today’s generation’ moment last night whilst watching the Iggy and the Stooges footage after Iggy Pop encouraged the front rows onto the stage , causing self imposed anarchy to the proceedings and was watching a plethora of teenies and twenty somethings having to be coaxed into doing something faintly rebellious by a 60 year with more energy than all of them put together. So given their sudden stage sharing platform, what’s the most rebellious act I see? A banner held aloft by a small group keen to bring back the Cadbury Wispa chocolate bar!! Did I feel faintly superior that my own generation at their age would probably have seized the moment to proclaim ’say no to cruise’ (the missile, not the Scientology film celebrity).

Still, better that than Mika's stage dressing, as captured by Q. In tribute to his patronising song supposedly celebrating Big Girls, he had two big girls on stage. Giant, inflatable women. Do you see what he did there?

Some acts adapt to Glastonbury better than others - Ian McCulloch's fear of the mud is now legendary, for example - so it's a round of applause for Shirley Bassey, captured by a Guardian blogger as she strode fabulously across the site, with only mongrammed DSB wellies to protect her from the elements.

Music Every Single Day Of Lives remembers that last night's headliners were making a statement by taking the gig:

The Killers did not want to headline Glastonbury 2 years ago as they did not think having one album under their arm was enough to carry the weight of 170,000 people. This year they took the gamble. It paid off.

You could argue that by the middle of the festival, Archie's Educated Chickens could keep the pyramid stage happy - especially with some fireworks - and so it's not so much of a gamble. Has there ever been a headliner in the modern Glastonbury who hasn't been met by a positive response?

Bassey on Sunday

Michael Eavis has confirmed that Shirley Bassey is to take the living legend slot at this year's Glastonbury. Start the letter-writing begging her to do Get This Party Started now, I think.

The Waterboys and Damien Rice have signed on for bill-topping in the acoustic tent.

Bassey in the mud

Now, this would be a headline act to behold: Hello reckons Shirley Bassey has been approached for the living legend slot at this year's Glastonbury. Having said which, we're not entirely holding our breath:

There has been talk of it, but we are not making any comments as yet," said a spokeswoman, adding "Nothing is ever ruled out."

Clearly waiting for a counter-offer from Reading/Leeds.