Gordon in the morning: Classic Sugababes

It turns out that The Sun's 40th birthday TV campaign is a series, so last night we were treated to a new one about how great The Sun headlines are. Or rather were, as there didn't seem to be anything in the advert from since MacKenzie left. Gordon Smart is again stood, blinking awkwardly at the camera, trying to convince us that Sun headlines were something "you'd talk about in the pub later".

Really? The headline?

There's probably only one headline which people were talking about hours later, but for some reason, The Sun doesn't mention its The Truth Hillsborough front page.

Even so, it's a really strange piece of advertising, as it makes a feature of the Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster story while, simultaneously, acknowledging that it wasn't true.

Even odder, Simon Weston is pulled in to remember its famous Falklands-era front page.

No, he goes with Stick It Up Your Junta, rather than Gotcha! Must have been frustrating for The Sun advertising team to realise that the most iconic headline in the paper's history was a nasty, bloodthirsty piece - admittedly written in haste while the newspaper was riven by industrial disputes - which treated war like a video game.

No wonder Gordon Smart looks a man trying to sell a house and hoping nobody notices the nuclear waste dump in the back garden while he does the advert.

Back at the day job, he's got some chilling news about the plans to bring back the original Sugababes:

And PR guru CLAIRE POWELL - who transformed Jordan from a glamour girl into a money-spinning brand - is on board to steer the course to glory.

Couldn't they find someone who knows how to work with people who actually have a bit of talent?

Now Powell, who was tapped up by Mutya's manager, has agreed to help mount a serious challenge to the Babes with the originals - or SuJorbabes, as I'm calling them.

You see? Sujorbabes. That's what we're dealing with.

Robbie Williams losing to JLS in the album charts this weekend isn't all bad for Gordon - after all, he has been working as an outpost of the JLS press office for a few months, and so his story is at least consistent with that. But, oh, fancy having spent a couple of months solidly pushing the Williams comeback - sometimes with a story a day, every day, for days at a stretch - only to see him stagger and run out of steam.

To be fair, though, the JLS album selling for peanuts in Sainsburys and Tesco probably was what really did for Robbie's chances.

Sugababes: Made-up futures of the rest of the band

Good god, the papers are struggling to find anything to say about the X Factor this morning. The Sunday Mirror is reduced to running a story claiming Simon Cowell is eating a lot of Angel Delight.

The People has something which sounds more interesting, and is only weakened by being almost certainly totally made-up:

Former Sugababes KEISHA BUCHANAN and SIOBHAN DONAGHY are set to shock The X Factor judges - by teaming up with the show's reject RACHEL ADEDEJI to form a new girlband.

I can reveal the stars, who were two of the original members of the charttopping band, believe Rachel, 17, is the perfect third member to rival the current Sugababes line-up.

Really, Katie Hind? Oh, yes, you have a source, anonymous as a white cat that doesn't really exist in a snowstorm:

"They'll have to wait a bit because Rachel is signed up to X Factor duties for a few months but after that she will be a free agent."

That's convenient - so, nothing will happen until everyone's forgotten the story. It's like predicting that the Mercury will crash into Mars in 2048 - sure, it's made up, but it's not like anyone will be able to call you on it, right?

Overload

Siobahn Donaghy has revealed in an interview with Gigwise that she nearly quit music after the Sugababes:

"When I left the Sugababes, I just thought music wasn't for me so that's why I left. It was just like, this industry isn't for me, I'm not strong enough for it. You know it was really beating me down."

To be honest, it was more that the music industry left her - and, indeed, some might argue that her subsequent career has hardly been right at the heart of the business.

She seems to resent being a former Sugababe a surprising amount:

"They have to put me in an ex-Sugababes bracket, which is just so difficult... if they just saw me as a new artist it would be so much easier. Maybe I'll change my name."

"In my opinion I've never sold out. I left the Sugababes just before they did some campaign with McDonalds, I was like fuck that!"

Which is all admirable, although you do wonder how many interviews she'd be doing now if she didn't have the 'ex-Sugababes bracket' upon which they can be hung.

Sweeter without Suga

Siobhan Donaghy has, for what we can imagine is the purposes of clarification only, has ruled out ever returning to the Sugababes:

"They are a brand now, and that's not something I could be involved in, we just couldn't be more different."

In the same spirit, could I just make it clear that there are no circumstances in which I would re-enter Mrs Van Noort's reception class.

Donaghy - rather luckily - isn't too upset by not having the same level of success as whoever are in the Sugababes at the moment:

"The things that have happened me, leaving the Sugababes and then with my last record, people might think 'God, she must be gutted'. And it's been the complete opposite.

"It's been wonderful. It's all been a positive, the people I've met and worked with. I grew up not wanting to be a singer and then when I became a singer I wasn't writing songs and suddenly I'm this songwriter.

"I seem to be this cat with nine lives. People keep letting me come back. From the dead!"

To be fair, though, if Lazarus had come back from the dead as ineffectually as your career, they'd probably have left the tale out of the gospels.