Sugababes: Made-up futures of the rest of the band

Good god, the papers are struggling to find anything to say about the X Factor this morning. The Sunday Mirror is reduced to running a story claiming Simon Cowell is eating a lot of Angel Delight.

The People has something which sounds more interesting, and is only weakened by being almost certainly totally made-up:

Former Sugababes KEISHA BUCHANAN and SIOBHAN DONAGHY are set to shock The X Factor judges - by teaming up with the show's reject RACHEL ADEDEJI to form a new girlband.

I can reveal the stars, who were two of the original members of the charttopping band, believe Rachel, 17, is the perfect third member to rival the current Sugababes line-up.

Really, Katie Hind? Oh, yes, you have a source, anonymous as a white cat that doesn't really exist in a snowstorm:

"They'll have to wait a bit because Rachel is signed up to X Factor duties for a few months but after that she will be a free agent."

That's convenient - so, nothing will happen until everyone's forgotten the story. It's like predicting that the Mercury will crash into Mars in 2048 - sure, it's made up, but it's not like anyone will be able to call you on it, right?

Robbie Williams is not a space cadet

While we love the idea of Robbie Williams being blasted off into space, we're distracted by the Sunday People's VIP headline on the story:

ROBBIE TO BE ANGEL

Since when did tourism-astronautology actually turn you into an angel, exactly? Unless they know something about the safety of these space-vehicles we don't, of course...

More People than ever before

We're a little surprised that the Sunday People's VIP column has taken on a third writer - it's now produced by Alice Walker, Katie Hind and Emma Doonan. At this rate there's going to be more people writing the VIP column than actually read the Sunday People.

The quality of what they're producing also suggests this might be a few too many people. For example, there's this this totally made-up claim that Kylie and McCartney are going to record a single together:

M'N' M
By Alice Walker, Emma Donnan & Katie Hind

Kylie Minogue and SIR PAUL McCARTNEY are to record a single after the success of their duet on The Jools Holland Show.

A source said: "He says he trusts Kylie."

We're not entirely sure why Paul McCartney gets his name in capitals and Kylie doesn't - nor why Macca's knighthood is referenced when Kylie's OBE isn't. And how did it take three people to write that? Clearly not one doing fact-checking or anything like that.