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DO NOT EAT: Inspired by Apple's product warning to users that they must not eat the iPod Shuffle, erasing.org presents a poem-based tale of what might happen if you did.
(They're now on sale at Amazon.co.uk; and they do look rather tasty)
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
DON'T DREAM IT'S OVER: Nobody would ever take any joy at the end of a marriage, but somehow there was something not quite right about these two:
and
... but now the world seems to have been righted; Gail Porter and Dan Hipgrave from Toploader have had an amicable split and we can save ourselves a couple of minutes a day wondering just how he did that.
"Dan and I have broken up. We separated eight months ago, but have tried to keep it quiet," she said.
"I’ve not a single bad word to say about Dan because he’s a lovely guy and a great dad, but he’s not the right person for me. It’s not sad. We have a good friendship and a lovely baby. No-one died. Life moves on.
"We had been together only six months when we married. I think we went into it without thinking things through."
Presumably both will now be concentrating on their careers, so if anyone knows where they might have lost them, please, drop 'em an email.
HAS AN RIAA MEMBER BEEN SCREWING AN ARTIST FOR OVER SIXTY YEARS?: We don't know, but we could be a lot closer to finding out, as a court in California has ruled that documents covering Bing Crosby's affairs can be revealed in public, throwing some light on the case brought against MCA by Bing's heirs.
They believe that MCA - part of Universal (and don't you love that White Christmas and Thug Love are both part of the same multinational sludge-brand) - has been diddling Crosby on money due under contracts dating back to the Second World War. MCA deny this, of course, and they wanted access to details of an audit:
Steve Kang, a lawyer representing MCA, said: "The documents were communications between not so much Bing Crosby himself but between his business manager Basil Grillo and also Crosby's accountants.
"They concerned an audit that Bing Crosby was doing in the late 1950s and actually we're convinced that the issues they discussed in the audit and resolved are the same issues that the plaintiffs are raising today."
Let's just look at that first sentence, though, shall we? "not so much communications between Bing Crosby himself" - yes, it's probably likely that Bing wasn't sending himself memos at that stage.
THE VERY DEFINITION OF A Z-LIST: What would be the opposite of creme de la creme? Presumably the sludge of the sludge, or maybe just "the type of person who'd turn up for a pre-Brits pool tournament". Amongst the people who RSVPed to say, no, actually, they really didn't have anything better to do with their time was Lee Ryan (Blue's Mr. Brains), local radio dj Jamie Theakston, and...
... Kevin Rowland. Kevin, of course, always wears "Kevin's clothes"; we can only assume that he's now a ninety year old Frenchman.
ANY MORE PIE?: There must be few things more galling in life than having Louis Walsh tell you that you don't look right. Louis Walsh.
Last year, he told Girls Aloud they were too fat. (They weren't). Now, like some kind of sweaty Charlie from Coronation Street, he's telling the band they need to put on weight:
"I'm worried they look too skinny now. The problem is everyone's telling them how good they look."
You don't think, Louis, the problem might be that an amoral twat told them they looked fat when they weren't and more or less bounced them into going on an uneccesary diet in the first place; and, of course, managed to reinforce the 'you have to be a stick to be sexy' bollocks which leads to loads of girls and an increasing number of boys to wind up with eating disorders?
V V GOOD: There's good news for those of you already coming to terms with the slim chances of getting hold of Glasto tickets: the third-best festival in England has a cracking line-up. Scissor Sisters and Franz Ferdiand are headling V, with a vague promise of "an unparalleled main stage joint headline act" yet to be unveiled.
We're a little surprised at Alex Kapranos' statement, though, which reads a little like it was written for him by someone barely literate and very gainfully employed in the V Festival offices:
"We heard about what a great festival V was to play last year and wished we could've been there. We're really excited to be playing the main stage and co-headlining with the Scissor Sisters - we'll be sure to give fans a performance to remember." We love V. We are all belonging to V now. Abandon your puny T-Mobile phones and more-established colas.
SWEARING AND BREAKING-IN: Quite a bumper lot of stupidity in the latest Ofcom Broadcast Complaints Bulletin[pdf document]. BRMB in Birmingham continues its record as possibly the most half-assed radio station in the country, as a cover host on their lunchtime show got an emailed joke that he didn't understand, so he read it out anyway. It revolved around a double meaning of "spade."
Meanwhile, a presenter on Fox FM inadvertently let slip a "those two are fucking..." while talking about Peter Andre and Jordan; she was let off as she'd apologised and had stopped short of using the next word you'd expect there.
And Radio One was up before the beak for Elton John's swear fest on the Chris Moyles programme. Now, we like a light regulatory touch as much as anyone, but there seems to be a slightly starry double standard at play here: Elton John was excused on the grounds that his "fuck" was accidental and his breakfast time "wank" and "bollocks" were playful:
It was obvious that the first swearword was a genuine slip. The further use of mild swearing was intended to be light-hearted and mischievous. In view of the nature of the error, the on-air apologies and the action taken, we consider the matter resolved.
We're a little surprised that the usually Victorian Ofcom now accepts that the sort of language it describes as "offensive" can be light-hearted - we're wondering what precedent this is setting for future judgements.
Meanwhile, there were four complaints about the Filthy Gorgeous video from the Scissor Sisters - as rudely included on the CD for you to, uh, try your judgement at home. All were rejected.
WHO SAW THE GRAMMYS?: Not that many people - the US telecast of the way-too-long awards show managed just 18.8 million, which was down from last year's audience by 28 per cent - although in the post-jackson nipple era, 2004 saw a boost from people eager to see what that crazy pop world would do next. It's the lowest audience for the prize giving since 1995. CBS seem perplexed as to why nobody cared:
"This was the show to beat in terms of how it was produced," said Shari Anne Brill, a television analyst for Carat USA. "It was just great. It wasn't about someone handing out awards. It was about performances. Viewers who didn't tune in missed a treat."
ITV2 carried it last time in peak time, and to be honest, after a couple of minutes we were back surfing away elsewhere. It wasn't helped that the show hadn't been edited down to fit its two hour slot - it had just been randomly chopped, so Queen Latifah started a sentence welcoming everyone to the awards and ended it talking about Art Blakey; at one point, the screen filled for two seconds with a close up of Cyndi Lauper with her name on a caption before she disappeared again. And the performances weren't up to much: Green Day, after nearly convincing us at the Brits, were back to sounding like your dad doing punk; U2 elected to avoid any sort of spectacle at all (although Larry apologised again for the ticket screw-up, which was honorable and impressed us). But really, the whole thing just seemed like a dull splodge. It's more a puzzle how they managed to get 18 million to stick with it.
JET SELL OUT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN: Okay, Oasis helped a little. But as Madonna and Sainsbury show, even a declining brand can shift enough units to appear to be in good health.
SEND THEM TO THE... WELL, TOWER: Following on from last week's smashing up of the Anglia Poly, Patrick Brannam from Towers of London has been charged with criminal damage and assault. Yes, shockingly, it turns out that he's not really called Donny Tourette, either.
A CHILD ABUSE TRAIL WITH THE STARS: It seems that the Jackson defence team - with, apparently, not much else to offer - are going to try and turn the trial into a Save Michael telethon. They're promising, suggesting or hoping to call a range of witnesses - Liz Taylor, Diana Ross, David Blaine, Nick Carter, Larry King and Jay Leno as "witnesses" in the case; presumably witnesses to Michael not touching children. That should prove interesting:
- Mr. Leno; you are famous?
- I am
- Have you ever seen Michael Jackson abusing children?
- No
- No further questions
In effect, this is going to be a line-up of nothing more than glitzy character witnesses (although a man who dangles in a box above the Thames, a woman married more times than Ken Barlow; the DUI diva - these are hardly people whose version of "normal" is going to chime with people who are on a jury). Still, it's great news for lookalike agencies, as they'll be kept busy as E! hires for its reconstruction of the trial.
Kobe Bryant is also on the list.
Monday, February 14, 2005
WARD OFF COURT: Good news for fans of M Ward - There's a new album ready. And just look at the line-up of talent helping out:
jim james (my morning jacket)
jenny lewis (rilo kiley, the postal service)
howe gelb (giant sand)
john parish (p.j. harvey)
rachel blumberg (the decemberists)
mike coykendall (the old joe clarks)
vic chesnutt
nick luca (calexico)
jordan hudson (the thermals)
- although, to be honest, we'd have thought john parish (the chesterfields) would have been better, but that's just us. The new album is called Transistor Radio, and ready for pre-ordering.
There's a world tour, too:
Mon Feb 14th London, UK @ Rough Trade In-Store
Tue Feb 15th Paris, FR @ La Guingette Pirate
Fri Feb 25th Chicago, IL @ Schuba's (SOLD OUT)
Sun Feb 27th Toronto, ON @ El Mocambo
Wed Mar 2nd New York, NY @ Knitting Factory
Fri Mar 4th Northampton, MA @ Iron Horse Music Hall
Sat Mar 5th Boston, MA @ Remis Auditorium - Museum of Fine Arts
Sun Mar 13th Vancouver, BC @ Richards on Richards
Mon Mar 14th Seattle, WA @ The Tractor
Thu Mar 17th Austin, TX @ The Parish - SXSW Festival
Thu Mar 24th San Francisco, CA @ Great American Music Hall
Sat Mar 26th San Diego, CA @ The Casbah
Tue Mar 29th Los Angeles, CA @ Troubadour
JUNE 10 - 12 Manchester, TN @ BONNAROO FESTIVAL
GOOD OLD BPI: They're not just there for the nasty things in life, like threatening legal action and slavishly following the lead set down by the RIAA. They're also good guys, you know: look, they're desperate to ensure indie labels don't get closed out of the download bonanza and are lobbying to ensure... what, exactly?
"We want to ensure that independent repertoire is as successful in the download world as it is in the physical world," said BPI chief Peter Jamieson.
In other words, they're really keen for indie labels to continue providing acts to make up for the shortcomings of the major's A&R departments, and if the successful indie acts aren't heavily promoted on iTunes, the dimwitted major's chequebook department might find it tricky to work out who they're meant to be hoovering up. The worry is, of course, that if they don't help indies get onto the RIAA-approved download market, the indies might go elsewhere and not play with them at all any more. And since the new music world doesn't really need the BPI at all, the BPI needs to work hard to try and keep everyone in its playpen.
SUICIDE COMMITTED: The line-up for the Vincet Gallo curated All Tomorrow's Parties is starting to take shape: just added to line-up for April 22nd to 24th are PJ Harvey, Peaches and Suicide. Possibly best ATP line-up evah.
Buyable: Suicide's Why Be Blue
BARELY ARSED DESIGNERS OF POP: Mandy Moore has chosen to design tshirts for her clothing range because it's really money for old rope ("I'm totally the jeans and tshirts girl") and there's a bit more challenge involved in getting someone else to design ("designing") clothes with buttons or zips or something. But she has had input into the whole process:
[Her shirt design] is simple in the best sense of the word. It is colorful, it’s comfortable the length is a definite pulse. Something I’m eternally searching for in a T-shirt is the length. I’m a tall girl and [I was tired of] if you wash it once you never want to wear it again.
Yeah, a common problem we find; we just have to throw away clothes rather than wear them again all the time...
BLOGGING ON STEROIDS: We haven't seen the actual Grammy ceremony, but thank God we don't have to - Coolfer has a play-by-play, from Franz Ferdinandmashin up with Maroon 5 through to the realisations that Starbucks has won a grammy.
GREATEST HITS COLLECTION LARGELY IGNORED WHERE HITS WEREN'T THAT GREAT: Although she'll probably be disappointed, the failure to crack the Top 200 in the US with Ultimate Kylie surely won't come as much of a shock: gathering stuff that didn't sell the first time round into one set would constitute a fire sale rather than an all-out push.
JAZZ DUMPED: A small sidenote in the dismantling of the Thatcher years: Jazz FM is to be rebranded as Smooth in the capital. The station was an early creation as part of the incremental services, designed to fill demand for something other than what the original ILR network was doing in each place; in order to curry favour with the Thatcher cabinet, the Radio Authority decided to ignore the many competing demands of Londoners and gave the franchise to a station playing music beloved of at least three high-ranking members of the government. It never worked, though, and the station is set to disappear without having turned a single profit in fifteen years.
BRITNEY: MY PUPPIES ARE NICER THAN PARIS': Having crushed musical foe Christina Aguilera underfoot at the Grammys, Britney is now fighting her other great rival: in the 'Blondes with stupid dogs'stakes.
Britney
insists that her rat-like dog is better than Paris Hilton's rat-like dog. The winner goes to take on Jessica Simpson and her little Nicky in the final.
Buyable: Baby One More Time video flick book - because that video and the word "flick" seem to go together for some reason; this book features about six seconds of the video for you to flick through. Yes, we know. It's the perfect gift for people who love Britney, but hate her music, and either don't have a video or have gummed up the pause button somehow.
music britney spears paris hilton
music britney spears paris hilton
I DREAM OF BEING A FAMILY MAN: People who tell you that popstars are all the same are wrong, of course: when Daniel Bedingfield says he wants to have fifteen children, the response would be to say "How sweet and what a loving, close family atmosphere those children would be brought up in"; whereas if a different pop star said it the response would be "I can do you six this morning Mr. Jackson, can I deliver the rest after the weekend?"
Daniel apparently said "I'd like to have about 15 kids -of all kinds of ages."
Perhaps nobody has explained the finer in-and-outs to Daniel so he doesn't know why having fifteen children of the same age would be quite unlikely. It's even possible that he wants to have fifteen because he doesn't realise that it's not a question of choosing between a two year-old and a ten year-old.
GRAMMY GRUMPS: Well, once again, it's been proven: if you want to win a Grammy, the best thing you can do is die. Ray Charles - undoubtably one of the greatest of them all - would have been carrying home eight of those little record players. If, erm, he wasn't dead, of course. You wonder if the Grammy committee sit around saying "right, well, if nobody dies this year we can give the award to someone alive for a change... hang on... what's that? Vincent Balladaro is dead? Bollocks..."
Here, then, are all the winners, and may god have mercy on your scroll button:
Record Of The Year
(Award to the Artist and to the Producer(s), Recording Engineer(s) and/or Mixer(s), if other than the artist.)
* Here We Go Again
Ray Charles & Norah Jones
John Burk, producer; Terry Howard & Al Schmitt, engineers/mixers
Track from: Genius Loves Company
[Concord Records/Hear Music]
Album Of The Year
(Award to the Artist(s) and to the Album Producer(s), Recording Engineer(s)/Mixer(s) & Mastering Engineer(s), if other than the artist.)
* Genius Loves Company
Ray Charles & Various Artists
John Burk, Terry Howard, Don Mizell, Phil Ramone & Herbert Waltl, producers; Robert Fernandez, John Harris, Terry Howard, Pete Karam, Joel Moss, Seth Presant, Al Schmitt & Ed Thacker, engineers/mixers; Robert Hadley & Doug Sax, mastering engineers
[Concord Records/Hear Music]
And, to be honest, this really isn't Charles' best work - it's his version of the Duets rubbish that Frank Sinatra knocked out when he was starting to lose his ability to hold a tune for the whole length of a single. Tom Jones, of course, did something similar, but then he never really had that much to lose. Doubtless, though, if he'd died in a chip pan fire that year, he'd have been garlanded with Grammys, too. Sentiment is fine, but...
Song Of The Year
(A Songwriter(s) Award. A song is eligible if it was first released or if it first achieved prominence during the Eligibility Year. (Artist names appear in parenthesis.) Singles or Tracks only.)
* Daughters
John Mayer, songwriter (John Mayer)
Track from: Heavier Things
[Aware Records/Columbia; Publishers: Sony/ATV Tunes/Specific Harm Music.]
We would have hoped the Grammys people refused him to get on stage to pick this up, in case it caused some sort of mini-riot...
Best New Artist
(For a new artist who releases, during the Eligibility Year, the first recording which establishes the public identity of that artist.)
* Maroon5
Oh, Jesus Christ. Them again? But how have Maroon 5 "established a public identity?" They're so anonymous they did that big bank raid in Belfast at Christmas, and yet none of the witnesses picked them out of a line-up. Even although they were wearing stripey jumpers and masks and carrying crowbars and bags marked "swag".
Field 1 — Pop
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Sunrise
Norah Jones
Track from: Feels Like Home
[Blue Note Records]
Norah Jones is pop? Not until I {heart} Pop magazine puts her on the bloody cover she isn't.
Best Male Pop Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Daughters
John Mayer
Track from: Heavier Things
[Aware Records/Columbia]
See the comments for Norah Jones, but with extra swearing.
Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal
(For established duos or groups, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Heaven
Los Lonely Boys
Track from: Los Lonely Boys
[Or Music/Epic Records]
Who? I kind of think that the chances of most people having heard of many of the artists winning this year (the living ones) are going to be on a par with the chances of picking up a milk carton and saying "Hey, isn't this the kid we saw with that strange drifter at the store just now?"
Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals
(For a collaborative performance, with vocals, by artists who do not normally perform together. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Here We Go Again
Ray Charles & Norah Jones
Track from: Genius Loves Company
[Concord Records/Hear Music]
Involving two artists, neither of whom are pop. Genius indeed.
Best Pop Instrumental Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, without vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* 11th Commandment
Ben Harper
Track from: There Will Be A Light
[Virgin Records]
Best Pop Instrumental Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of INSTRUMENTAL tracks.)
* Henry Mancini: Pink Guitar
Various Artists
James Jensen, producer
[Solid Air Records]
Fairly basic, stolid Grammy material here...
Best Pop Vocal Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)
* Genius Loves Company
Ray Charles & Various Artists
[Concord Records/Hear Music]
We wonder if everyone who guested on that album will be claiming they won the Grammy...
Field 2 — Dance
Category 12
Best Dance Recording
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances. Vocal or Instrumental. Singles or tracks only.)
* Toxic
Britney Spears
Avant & Bloodshy, producers; Niklas Flyckt, mixer
Track from: In The Zone
[Jive/Zomba Label Group]
Category 13
Best Electronic/Dance Album
(For vocal or instrumental albums. Albums only.)
* Kish Kash
Basement Jaxx
[XL Recordings/Astralwerks]
We know, we'd have thought Britney was firmly pop, but doubtless the Grammys have a special measuring device. Still, there doesn't seem to be any prize for Christina, so that's a victory there... and lovely news for the Jaxx boys.
Field 3 — Traditional Pop
Every year, we say we don't know what this is. Probably the pop songs Alan Lomax used to record.
Category 14
Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)
* Stardust...The Great American Songbook Volume III
Rod Stewart
[J Records]
... or maybe "traditional" is one of those words that means something different to Americans. Like our shite, perhaps.
Field 4 — Rock
Category 15
Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Code Of Silence
Bruce Springsteen
Track from: The Essential Bruce Springsteen
[Columbia Records]
Category 16
Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal
(For duo, group or collaborative performances, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Vertigo
U2
[Interscope Records]
Category 17
Best Hard Rock Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Slither
Velvet Revolver
[RCA]
Category 18
Best Metal Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Whiplash
Motörhead
[Big Deal Records]
Category 19
Best Rock Instrumental Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, without vocals. Includes Rock, Hard Rock and Metal. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Mrs. O'Leary's Cow
Brian Wilson
Track from: Brian Wilson Presents Smile
[Nonesuch Records]
Category 20
Best Rock Song
(A Songwriter(s) Award. Includes Rock, Hard Rock & Metal songs. For Song Eligibility Guidelines see Category #3. (Artist names appear in parenthesis.) Singles or Tracks only.)
* Vertigo
Bono, Adam Clayton, The Edge & Larry Mullen, songwriters (U2)
[Interscope Records; Publisher: Universal Polygram International Publishing.]
Category 21
Best Rock Album
(Vocal or Instrumental. Includes Hard Rock and Metal.)
* American Idiot
Green Day
[Reprise Records]
So, apart from the "what the hell is Brian Wilson doing wedged in with Springstein and Motorhead" puzzlement, the sort of thing you'd expect. U2 picking up their regular prizes off the back of a very mundane performance - who knew that the Brits would have more guts than the Grammys? And interesting to see two of the most anti-Bush albums of the year get a prize (Bruce and Green Day). Pity neither of them were actually that good.
Field 5 — Alternative
Category 22
Best Alternative Music Album
(Vocal or Instrumental.)
* A Ghost Is Born
Wilco
[Nonesuch Records]
Blimey. That's actually a pretty good selection. But then it's the category that's probably hardest to go wrong with...
Field 6 — R&B
Category 23
Best Female R&B Vocal Performance (For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)
* If I Ain't Got You
Alicia Keys
Track from: The Diary Of Alicia Keys
[J Records]
Category 24
Best Male R&B Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Call My Name
Prince
Track from: Musicology
[Columbia Records/NPG Records]
Category 25
Best R&B Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals
(For duo, group or collaborative performances, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* My Boo
Usher & Alicia Keys
Track from: Confessions Special Edition
[Arista/La Face/Zomba Label Group]
Category 26
Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Musicology
Prince
Track from: Musicology
[Columbia Records/NPG Records]
Category 27
Best Urban/Alternative Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Cross My Mind
Jill Scott
Track from: Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds Vol. 2
[Hidden Beach]
Category 28
Best R&B Song
(A Songwriter(s) Award. For Song Eligibility Guidelines see Category #3. (Artist names appear in parenthesis.) Singles or Tracks only.)
* You Don't Know My Name
Alicia Keys, Harold Lilly & Kanye West, songwriters (Alicia Keys)
Track from: The Diary Of Alicia Keys
[J Records; Publishers: Lellow Productions/EMI Music Publishing, Ye World Music/EMI April Music, Uncle Bobby Music/EMI Blackwood Music & A Dish-A-Tunes Ltd.]
Category 29
Best R&B Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)
* The Diary Of Alicia Keys
Alicia Keys
[J Records]
Category 30
Best Contemporary R&B Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)
* Confessions
Usher
[Arista/LaFace/Zomba Label Group]
It would, of course, be unfair to suggest that the process of giving out these awards is, in any way, a bid to try and keep everyone happy, but the bowing of the knee to the urban gentry - here, Mr. Prince; the Target-friendly face of urban in the form of Alicia Keys and even a small sop or two to the pouty, liable-to-sulk-and-not-come-next-year-if-he-doesn't-get-something Usher does seem to imply these prizes haven't been so much voted on but negotiated at Camp David.
Field 7 — Rap
Category 31
Best Rap Solo Performance
(For a solo Rap performance. Singles or Tracks only.)
* 99 Problems
Jay-Z
Track from: The Black Album
[Roc-A-Fella Records]
Category 32
Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group
(For duo, group or collaborative performances of Rap only. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Let's Get It Started
The Black Eyed Peas
Track from: Elephunk
[A&M Records]
Category 33
Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
(For a Rap/Sung collaborative performance by artists who do not normally perform together. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Yeah!
Usher Featuring Lil Jon & Ludacris
Track from: Confessions
[Arista/LaFace/Zomba Label Group]
Category 34
Best Rap Song
(A Songwriter(s) Award. For Song Eligibility Guidelines see Category #3. (Artist names appear in parenthesis.) Singles or Tracks only.)
* Jesus Walks
Miri Ben Ari, C. Smith & Kanye West, songwriters (Kanye West)
Track from: The College Drop-Out
[Rocafella Records; Publishers: Konman Entertainment/Gimme My Publishing Co./Hip Hop Since 1978 & Mapleshade Productions.]
Category 35
Best Rap Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)
* The College Dropout
Kanye West
[Roc-A-Fella Records]
Again, there's a couple of awards to Usher; something for the spectacularly over-rated Black Eyed Peas (real prize title: For services making rap palatable to Clear Channel) and, of course, the mysterious Kanye West. Nothing - pointedly - for Eminem; perhaps it's okay to attack the President so long as nobody really notices.
Field 8 — Country
Category 36
Best Female Country Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Redneck Woman
Gretchen Wilson
Track from: Here For The Party
[Epic Records]
Category 37
Best Male Country Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Live Like You Were Dying
Tim McGraw
Track from: Live Like You Were Dying
[Curb Records]
Category 38
Best Country Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal
(For established duos or groups with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Top Of The World
Dixie Chicks
Track from: Top Of The World Tour - Live
[Columbia]
Category 39
Best Country Collaboration With Vocals
(For a collaborative performance, with vocals, by artists who do not normally perform together. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Portland Oregon
Loretta Lynn & Jack White
Track from: Van Lear Rose
[Interscope Records]
Category 40
Best Country Instrumental Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, without vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Earl's Breakdown
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band Featuring Earl Scruggs, Randy Scruggs, Vassar Clements & Jerry Douglas
Track from: Will The Circle Be Unbroken "The Trilogy"
[Capitol Records - Nashville]
Category 41
Best Country Song
(A Songwriter(s) Award. For Song Eligibility Guidelines see Category #3. (Artist names appear in parenthesis.) Singles or Tracks only.)
* Live Like You Were Dying
Tim Nichols & Craig Wiseman, songwriters (Tim McGraw)
Track from: Live Like You Were Dying
[Curb Records; Publishers: Warner-Tamerlane Publishing/Big Loud Shirt.]
Category 42
Best Country Album
(Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Van Lear Rose
Loretta Lynn
[Interscope Records]
Category 43
Best Bluegrass Album
(Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Brand New Strings
Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder
[Skaggs Family Records]
So, great news for Jack White, who sees not only his young protégé Loretta Lynn pick up an award for best album, but also gets to share the love with a best collaboration for the work he did with her. That's recording together, smutbuckets.
We're starting to get into the segment now where we have very little to offer but a floundering "Heh! Funny name!"
Field 9 — New Age
Category 44: Best New Age Album
* Returning Will Ackerman [Decca]
Field 10 — Jazz
Category 45: Best Contemporary Jazz Album
* Unspeakable - Bill Frisell [Nonesuch Records]
Category 46: Best Jazz Vocal Album
* R.S.V.P. (Rare Songs, Very Personal) - Nancy Wilson [MCG Jazz]
Category 47: Best Jazz Instrumental Solo
* Speak Like A Child - Herbie Hancock, soloist
Track from: With All My Heart (Harvey Mason) [Bluebird]
Category 48: Best Jazz Instrumental Album, Individual or Group
* Illuminations - McCoy Tyner With Gary Bartz, Terence Blanchard, Christian McBride & Lewis Nash [Telarc Jazz]
Category 49: Best Large Jazz Ensemble Album
* Concert In The Garden - Maria Schneider Orchestra [ArtistShare]
Category 50: Best Latin Jazz Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Land Of The Sun - Charlie Haden [Verve International]
Field 11 — Gospel
Category 51: Best Gospel Performance
* Heaven Help Us All - Ray Charles & Gladys Knight Track from: Genius Loves Company [Concord Records/Hear Music]
...hey, it had the word Heaven in it, didn't it? Godfearin' folks like Ray, too...
Category 52: Best Rock Gospel Album
* Wire -Third Day [Essential Records]
Category 53: Best Pop/Contemporary Gospel Album
* All Things New - Steven Curtis Chapman [Sparrow Records]
Category 54: Best Southern, Country, or Bluegrass Gospel Album
* Worship & Faith - Randy Travis
[Word Records]
Category 55: Best Traditional Soul Gospel Album
* There Will Be A Light - Ben Harper & The Blind Boys Of Alabama [Virgin]
Category 56: Best Contemporary Soul Gospel Album
* Nothing Without You - Smokie Norful [EMI Gospel]
Category 57: Best Gospel Choir Or Chorus Album
* Live...This is Your House - Carol Cymbala, choir director; The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir [INO Records]
Without wanting to sound too cynical, we'd suggest that if you want to double your chances of Grammy success, it seems wise to include a line or two about the big guy upstairs - that way, if you bomb out in the categories done while everyone's still awake, you might pick up a spiritual award.
By the way, does anyone know if an Islamic album would qualify for these categories?
Field 12 — Latin
Category 58: Best Latin Pop Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Amar Sin Mentiras - Marc Anthony [Sony Discos]
Category 59: Best Latin Rock/Alternative Album(Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Street Signs - Ozomatli [Concord Records]
Category 60: Best Traditional Tropical Latin Album: (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* ¡Ahora Sí! Israel López "Cachao" [Univision Records]
Category 61: Best Salsa/Merengue Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Across 110th Street Spanish Harlem Orchestra Featuring Ruben Blades [Libertad Records]
Category 62: Best Mexican/Mexican-American Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Intimamente Intocable [EMI Latin]
Category 63: Best Tejano Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Polkas, Gritos y Acordeónes David Lee Garza, Joel Guzman & Sunny Sauceda [Guzman Fox Records]
So, with a nice Grammy heading to Mr. Lopez, it's starting to look like Jenny might not be the talented one in the family.
Field 13 — Blues
Category 64: Best Traditional Blues Album: (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Blues To The Bone Etta James [RCA Victor]
Category 65: Best Contemporary Blues Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Keep It Simple Keb' Mo' [Epic/Okeh]
Field 14 — Folk
Category 66: Best Traditional Folk Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Beautiful Dreamer - The Songs Of Stephen Foster Various Artists
Steve Fishell, David Macias & Tamara Saviano, producers [American Roots Publishing]
Category 67: Best Contemporary Folk Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* The Revolution Starts...Now Steve Earle [Artemis Records/E-Squared]
Category 68: Best Native American Music Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Cedar Dream Songs - Bill Miller [Paras Recordings]
Category 69: Best Hawaiian Music Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Slack Key Guitar Volume 2 Various Artists Charles Michael Brotman, producer [Palm Records]
Field 15 — Reggae
Category 70: Best Reggae Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* True Love Toots & The Maytals [V2 Records]
Field 16 — World Music
Category 71: Best Traditional World Music Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Raise Your Spirit Higher Ladysmith Black Mambazo [Heads Up International]
Category 72: Best Contemporary World Music Album: (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Egypt Youssou N'Dour [Nonesuch]
Field 17 — Polka
Category 73: Best Polka Album (Vocal or Instrumental.)
* Let's Kiss: 25th Anniversary Album Brave Combo [DenTone]
Field 18 — Children's
Category 74: Best Musical Album For Children
* cELLAbration! A Tribute To Ella Jenkins Various Artists Cathy Fink & Marcy Marxer, producers [Smithsonian Folkways Recordings]
Category 75: Best Spoken Word Album For Children
* The Train They Call The City Of New Orleans Tom Chapin [Live Oak Media]
Field 19 — Spoken Word
Category 76: Best Spoken Word Album
* My Life Bill Clinton [Random House Audio]
Field 20 — Comedy
Category 77: Best Comedy Album
* The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Presents...America: A Citizen's Guide To Democracy Inaction Jon Stewart And The Cast Of The Daily Show [Time Warner Audiobooks]
Field 21 — Musical Show
Category 78: Best Musical Show Album
* Wicked Stephen Schwartz, producer; Stephen Schwartz, composer/lyricist (Original Broadway Cast Recording With Kristin Chenoweth & Idina Menzel) [Decca Broadway]
Field 22 — Film/TV/Visual Media
Category 79: Best Compilation Soundtrack Album For A Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media
* Garden State Various Artists - Zach Braff, compilation producer [Epic/Sony Music Soundtrax/Fox Music]
Category 80: Best Score Soundtrack Album For A Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media
* The Lord Of The Rings - The Return Of The King
Howard Shore, composer (Howard Shore)
[Reprise/WMG Soundtracks]
Good god, is the Lord of the Freakin' Rings still winning prizes? Even the Oscars is over them by now, you know.
Category 81: Best Song Written For A Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media
* Into The West (From The Lord Of The Rings - The Return Of The King)
Annie Lennox, Howard Shore & Fran Walsh, songwriters (Annie Lennox)
Track from: The Lord Of The Rings - The Return Of The King
[Reprise/WMG Soundtracks; Publishers: New Line Tunes/BMG Music Publishing.]
Field 23 — Composing/Arranging
Category 82: Best Instrumental Composition
* Merengue Paquito D'Rivera, composer (Yo-Yo Ma) Track from: Obrigado Brazil - Live In Concert [Sony Classical]
Category 83: Best Instrumental Arrangement
* Past Present & Future Slide Hampton, arranger (The Vanguard Jazz Orchestra) Track from: The Way - Music Of Slide Hampton [Planet Arts Recordings]
Category 84: Best Instrumental Arrangement Accompanying Vocalist(s)
* Over The Rainbow Victor Vanacore, arranger (Ray Charles & Johnny Mathis)
Track from: Genius Loves Company [Concord Records/Hear Music]
Field 24 — Package
Category 85: Best Recording Package
* A Ghost Is Born Peter Buchanan-Smith & Dan Nadel, art directors (Wilco) [Nonesuch]
Category 86: Best Boxed Or Special Limited Edition Package
* Once In A Lifetime Stefan Sagmeister, art director (Talking Heads) [Sire/Warner Bros./Rhino Records]
Field 25 — Album Notes
Category 87: Best Album Notes
* The Complete Columbia Recordings Of Woody Herman And His Orchestra & Woodchoppers (1945-1947) Loren Schoenberg, album notes writer (Woody Herman & His Orchestra) [Mosaic Records]
Field 26 — Historical
Category 88: Best Historical Album
* Night Train To Nashville: Music City Rhythm & Blues, 1945-1970 Daniel Cooper & Michael Gray, compilation producers; Joseph M. Palmaccio & Alan Stoker, mastering engineers (Various Artists) [CMF/Lost Highway Records]
Field 27 — Production, Non-Classical
Category 89: Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical
* Genius Loves Company Robert Fernandez, John Harris, Terry Howard, Pete Karam, Joel Moss, Seth Presant, Al Schmitt & Ed Thacker, engineers (Ray Charles & Various Artists) [Concord Records/Hear Music]
Category 90: Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical
* John Shanks
• Autobiography (Ashlee Simpson) (A)
• Breakaway (Kelly Clarkson) (T)
• The First Cut Is The Deepest (Sheryl Crow) (T)
• Fly (Hilary Duff) (T)
• Shine Your Light (Robbie Robertson) (T)
• So-Called Chaos (Alanis Morissette) (A)
Category 91
Best Remixed Recording, Non-Classical
* It's My Life (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Mix) Jacques Lu Cont, remixer (No Doubt) Track from: The Singles 1992-2003 [Interscope Records]
Field 28 — Surround Sound
Category 92: Best Surround Sound Album
* Genius Loves Company Al Schmitt, surround mix engineer; Robert Hadley & Doug Sax, surround mastering engineers; John Burk, Phil Ramone & Herbert Waltl, surround producers (Ray Charles & Various Artists) [Concord Records/Hear Music]
Field 29 — Production, Classical
Category 93: Best Engineered Album, Classical
* Higdon: City Scape; Concerto For Orchestra Jack Renner, engineer (Robert Spano) [Telarc]
Category 94: Producer Of The Year, Classical
* David Frost
Field 30 — Classical
Category 95: Best Classical Album
* Adams: On The Transmigration Of Souls Lorin Maazel, conductor; John Adams & Lawrence Rock, producers (Brooklyn Youth Chorus & New York Choral Artists; New York Philharmonic) [Nonesuch Records]
Category 96: Best Orchestral Performance
* Adams: On The Transmigration Of Souls Lorin Maazel, conductor (Brooklyn Youth Chorus & New York Choral Artists; New York Philharmonic) [Nonesuch Records]
Still with us? Not long now...
Category 97: Best Opera Recording
* Mozart: Le Nozze Di Figaro René Jacobs, conductor; Patrizia Ciofi, Véronique Gens, Simon Keenlyside, Angelika Kirchschlager & Lorenzo Regazzo; Martin Sauer, producer (Various Artists; Concerto Köln) [Harmonia Mundi]
Category 98: Best Choral Performance
* Berlioz: Requiem Robert Spano, conductor; Norman Mackenzie, choir director (Frank Lopardo, tenor; Atlanta Symphony Orchestra Chorus; Atlanta Symphony Orchestra) [Telarc]
Category 99:Best Instrumental Soloist(s) Performance (with Orchestra)
* Previn: Violin Concerto "Anne-Sophie"/Bernstein: Serenade André Previn, conductor; Anne-Sophie Mutter, violin (Boston Symphony Orchestra & London Symphony Orchestra) [Deutsche Grammophon]
Category 100: Best Instrumental Soloist Performance (without Orchestra)
* Aire Latino (Morel, Villa-Lobos, Ponce, Etc.) David Russell, guitar [Telarc]
Category 101: Best Chamber Music Performance
* Prokofiev (Arr. Pletnev): Cinderella - Suite For Two Pianos/Ravel: Ma Mère L'Oye Martha Argerich, piano & Mikhail Pletnev, piano [Deutsche Grammophon]
Category 102: Best Small Ensemble Performance (with or without Conductor)
* Carlos Chávez - Complete Chamber Music, Vol. 2 Jeff von der Schmidt, conductor; Southwest Chamber Music [Cambria Master Recordings]
Category 103: Best Classical Vocal Performance
* Ives: Songs (The Things Our Fathers Loved; The Housatonic At Stockbridge, Etc.) Susan Graham, mezzo soprano (Pierre-Laurent Aimard, piano) Track from: Ives: Concord Sonata; Songs [Warner Classics]
Category 104: Best Classical Contemporary Composition
* Adams: On The Transmigration Of Souls John Adams (Lorin Maazel; Brooklyn Youth Chorus & New York Choral Artists; New York Philharmonic) [Nonesuch Records; Publisher: Hendon Music.]
Category 105: Best Classical Crossover Album
* LAGQ's Guitar Heroes Los Angeles Guitar Quartet [Telarc]
Field 31 — Music Video
Category 106: Best Short Form Music Video
* Vertigo U2
Alex & Martin, video director; Grace Bodie, video producer
[Interscope Records]
Category 107: Best Long Form Music Video
* Concert For George
Various Artists
David Leland, video director; Ray Cooper, Olivia Harrison & Jon Kamen, video producers
[Warner Strategic Marketing]
And so the awards list ends on a "well done for dying prize" to George Harrison, and thus the cycle is completed. Does anyone else wonder at the prize for Vertigo, though? Obviously you'd expect us to complain as we don't think that much of U2, but considering the stuff they've done with videos in the past, this seemed lame by their standards.
It's nice, by the way, to see that Andre Previn still gets treated with respect despite his commercials for Fergusson tellies during the 80s.
IT WASN'T ME: We are, of course, totally in agreement with Marilyn Manson when he says he's not to blame for Jodi Jones' murder - the goth clown has issued a statement saying "That Luke kid? He was a bit icky - and, having seen him already take off the make-up to do a "Columbine? That wasn't my fault" piece, it's no surprise he's undermined his own act some more to try and distance himself from the Jones case. What's interesting, though, is how thin Manson's supposed intellect is when it rubs up against the real world.
He [Manson] admitted he had heard of the Jodi case but he did not want "to give it much publicity"
Why not? You and your band have taken their names from famous murder cases - why do you give publicity to the Manson killings but not the Mitchell crimes? Or do Roman Polanski's feelings not count because Sharon Tate was vaguely famous? Why would you think it fine to do paintings of the slaughter of Elizabeth Short, but don't want to "give much publicity" to a killing of another girl? Unless you're just afraid of the negative publicity being linked to another murder will give you - but isn't your whole schitck based on pretending you walk alongside the darkness? Why is it as soon as someone says "look, Marilyn, someone's taken you at your word" you suddenly go whey-faced and say "it's nothing to do with me."
"What I do know is that it is all about the education that parents give their children and the influences they receive, not putting the blame elsewhere," he said.
Which makes a certain degree of sense, although it's funny that when Marilyn does his "but seriously, folks..." he comes across like Liam Fox - we don't know if he went on to suggest having more people employed as truancy officers, but we bet he did.
EVERYBODY'S CHANGING: That all-important Brits effect was, erm, in effect this week as Keane returned to number one in the album charts - shops report a large number of people saying "I thought I'd give it another go but couldn't find where it had landed when I lobbed it from the window..." - Scissor Sisters at two, and Franz Ferdinand at four.
What's funny, of course, is Michael Buble has been stinking about in the top ten for a while AND NOBODY IS SAYING ANYTHING. It's like the way nobody mentions when they first find mouse droppings on their office desk, hoping it's just a one-off freak that got lost and it'll find its own way out. Time to call Rentokil now, I think.
Meanwhile, in the singles chart, who ever knew there'd be reason to thank U2? They've managed to keep Elvis off the top of the singles chart again - as Eminem did last week. So RCA's plan to block off the top of the singles list every week is now in tatters - the BPI might as well start counting downloads now.
It must have been sweet for U2 to frustrate Elvis - after all, the man liked to spend his time with insane, creepy politicians...
...oh, it's a cheap shot
There are, scarily, still six Elvis songs in the top 40. When The Wedding Present did their record a month thing, they sold out in the first couple of weeks.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
JUST IN TIME FOR FREE OSCARS TICKETS ("VALENTINE'S DAY"): People who seem to be more interested in the other people in the bar than their own drinks are reckoning they saw that jakc White and Renee Zellweger are back together. Apparently the pair were "holding hands" and "looked like lovers."
NO, REALLY?: Goodness, it turns out that this picture, which people reckon is the naked Britney holy grail...
... isn't actually Britney Spears at all. Goodness, who could have imagined that Britney hasn't actually done a hitherto-unnoticed nude session, eh? It's apparently someone called Emmie from Iowa. Next week: That's not Mariah Carey, and I don't think that's her finger.
SIXX FIGURE SETTLEMENT: A nice court payday for Nikki Sixx, who's managed to get a million bucks out of Vans, the plimsole company. Sixx complained that Van used a picture of him in an ad campaign without asking permission; something made worse because he actually has - of course he does - his own clothing line. Apparently, it's called N. Sixx by Dragonfly. This is the sort of thing he does for them:
... and you can see how someone selling such quality garments would be upset at the suggestion he was endorsing other clothing items.
But it's not about the money, or even about Nikki, this is a human rights thing:
"I'm happy, not so much for myself, but for all artists who are unfairly taken advantage of by major corporations" Sixx said in a statement. "I hope this encourages other performers to stand up to those who would exploit them without securing the necessary rights."
Of course, it's not so much a victory for the dumbschmucks being exploited into handing over nearly fifty bucks for an ugly shirt by a combination of major corporations and barely talented artists, but even the longest march to freedom has to start somewhere.
FLIP ME OVER AND DO ME NOW: The debate over TV Cream's Top 100 singles has barely settled down - apparently tussling over the relative merits of Heart of Glass and Don't You Want Me was the first step in the eventual fracture of UKIP - and now the privately-funded research institute (located in Berne, Switzerland) have boiled up a list of the best 100 bsides ever, which runs from the b-side of Napoleon XIV's They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaaaaaaa to... well, we shan't spoil the surprise. Pretty much in the same way as a b-side would be a chance for bands to do stuff they could never get away with if they had to try and sell it, so is the b-side list a collection of observations and tracks which might find it a little harder to find a slot on daytime Radio Berwickshire. We're printing ours of to read later.
LOOK... ELTON IN THE SKIES FOR DIAMONDS: Some of you - and you know who you are - might have been disappointed that the only pictures we had of Elton John on a plane were of the small version of the plane that was given to Elton to keep. However, thanks to planespotters, we can now bring you a full-on action pic of a real-size aircraft with a supersized Elton on the side:
Quite a sight, isn't it?
SHUT UP, YOU CULTS: There's been a long tradition of disdain for what we can call Madonna-Kabbalah from genuine Orthodox Jews, who see the showy version of the Jewish mystical tradition as both too slight and an actual slight. Now, though, there are signs that a serious attempt is under way to reclaim the tradition from the culty faddists: Shlomo Perelman has funded a seven minute internet movie which rejects the over-priced strings touted by Madonna, Lindsay Lohan and Britney.
Arthur Green, a professor of Jewish mysticism and theory at Hebrew College in Newton, Mass., and professor of Jewish thought at Brandeis University in Waltham, Mass., sees the fad among celebrities as "nonsense" and "a rip off."
"It's commercialization of people's psychological weaknesses. I'm opposed to it at any level," Green said. "This is the most trivial level of Kabbalah. ... There's lots to talk about Kabbalah, but the red string isn't part of it."
Of course, the red string might seem to be the least of the problems with the cash-for-Kabbalah cult. The recent BBC footage of a senior member of the Kabbalah Centre in London's team suggesting that the main problem with the Jews caught in Nazi Germany was that they didn't follow the Kabbalah might also suggest some shortcomings; as does the flogging of ordinary Canadian spring water with the claim that it's some mystic cure-all. But it's a good place to start.
Back when the documentary first ran, Madonna was approached and asked for her opinion on the Holocaust claims; at the time her publicist said she was "too busy" rehearsing for the Tsunami Benefit on NBC to come up with a statement. She must still be really thinking hard, then.
THE NEVER-BLUSHING BRIDE: Of course, while we suspect that the sudden announcement of marriage might be a move prompted by the extensive coverage of Britney's wedding and ongoing attempts to become gravid - it's like the world has been sat outside her toilet saying "did it go blue?" - at least Christina can claim to have some sense of longterm knowledge of the man to whom she will become wed, "music executive" Jordan Bratman. He knew her back when she wore clothes.
The biggest problem facing Christina's friends will be: what snickering nudge-nudge gifts are left for them to provide at the wedding shower?
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