Monday, March 27, 2006

NOW KATE'S MUM WADES IN

Angrily waving a copy of yesterday's News of the Bleedin' Obvious, Linda Moss has rushed off to have a pop at Kate for hanging out with kickboxer Pete Doherty. How can we be sure that's why she went to see Kate yesterday, and not to pick up some sort of Mother's Day gift and perhaps a small box of Tesco Value Whole Hazelnuts in Chocolate? Because a "pal of Linda's" tells us:

“She has gone loopy that Kate is back with Pete. It has made for a very tense Mother’s Day.

“Linda thought he was a totally unsuitable boyfriend and blamed him for Kate’s problems. She’s trying to drum sense into Kate.”


Well... it probably depends on if you feel that Kate's problem is that she takes-stroke-took cocaine, or that the papers had evidence that takes-stroke-took cocaine. The latter, yes, you could probably say wouldn't have happened (yet) without Pete and his pals, but the former... well, even The Sun hasn't tried to pin that one on him. It's curious that this Pal describes Linda as "loopy" - Loopy Linda fuming over Potty Pete, eh? You couldn't make it up, could you?

The whole story comes with its own greek chorus, actually:

A male pal with Pete said: “It would be a really positive thing if they were back together. They’re good for each other, man.”

A source close to her said: “When Kate’s with Pete she becomes reckless. If she stays with him it’s likely her work to clean herself up will be doomed.”

A pal of Kate’s insisted they were NOT back together, adding: “They’re not having a physical relationship. She still has strong feelings for Pete and wants to help him quit drugs.”


They're good for each other, man? Surely the only people who actually talk like that are drug-taking rock stars in Ben Elton sitcoms?


EAU DE MINOGUE

Now that Kylie's getting over cancer, she's able to get back to her key career - no, not singing, flogging stuff with her name on it. Interestingly, Kylie is about to launch a range of fragrances.

Hmmm... interesting choice for a new range of products, there, Kylie. What with the nitromusks used in scents being known to accumulate in the breast and being suspected of being at least a contributory factor to some breast cancer cases.


Sunday, March 26, 2006

WHAT THE POP PAPERS SAY: How do you eat your Morrissey?

Last week's Observer Music Magazine? You'll not hear us saying a word against it, mate - always did say it was a magazine of taste and discernment (page 41, cough) but the most interesting thing about the magazine's best of music online is the mention that Popjustice might be about to re-re-reinvent itself as a TV programme. Following the magazines, podcasts and books, it's going to end up spinning off another website off the other end at this rate. I, for one, welcome our Popjustice overlords.

And, confirming 2006 as the year slash went mainstream, site #25 is fandomination.net. "Mostly it reaches a filthy climax."

Morrissey/Douglas Coupland might sound like a very specialist end of the slash market, but actually it was the OMM's main feature. Just as the NME is keen to focus on the youthful side of Morrissey's rock genius (the recent interview was more interested in the 'statesman' rather than the 'elder'), the OMM slips him into the literary genius cubicle. Hence the interview with Coupland, who at least gets that we all make the Morrissey we need, but fails to really turn in much of an interview. You wonder if Coupland is the right guy to head off to interview Morrissey, anyway - it would have been just as much a waste of time of sending Will Self, but they might have got something more than an extended album review off the expenses claim.

Karen O stares out of the cover of the NME - we're no longer sure we can believe in her hair, it's gone beyond bowl to take on an almost spherical shape that suggests there is a hollow running around between hair and forehead. Perhaps there is; perhaps, like Pogo Patterson's sling, she uses it to store sandwiches and putty. Let us never forget, either, that there are two other members of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs - the bloke who looks like Louis Theroux's IT support guy, and the really pretty one who looks like Rufus Wainwright's idea of himself. A lot of people I know don't get Karen O, suggesting that she dresses like she's being helped out by the Red Cross, but this weeks NME cover crystalises her appeal: she's not the most gorgeous of the band, but she's the most compelling. And we British love to be compelled. It's the educational system.

In interview, Karen reveals that the last tour knackered her, what with the band having "put out major, like a putting out machine, at least 100 per cent." But she'll regret the joke that the band don't fight but "go home and pummel our cats instead." That sort of gag almost did for The Primitives.

Inside, there's a woman wearing shades, silver gloves and a tiny, shiny bikini playing an electric guitar. That, of course, would be the first sign of a new Peaches album on the horizon.

Thom Yorke's "Blair made me ill" interview was picked up by most of the media and strewn around in the ongoing bid for someone to find something that'll dent RoboBlair. Even in full, the interview doesn't explain why someone felt that opening a debate on nuclear power was the grounds for cancelling plans for a meeting, but Blair aproving the dropping actual nuclear material onto the people of Iraq hadn't scuppered the hook-up.

The devil being in the detail, the feature on plans by Courtney Love to liquidate the only assets she has, by flogging off the Nirvana songbook, or some of what she owns is full of fascinating demons. "The entire reason to take on this partner is to build the catalogue much like the Elvis catalogue was rebuilt." Look, Courtney, we know you're short of cash and need to rustle some up quickly, and this is a better idea for you than double shifts at the International House of Pancakes. But let's not pretend that it's going to be good for the music. You might want to call it "catalogue", but what you're doing is turning the songs into product. And part of the reason why Nirvana have managed to feel special, even after all these years, is precisely because the songs haven't been flogged to appear on movie soundtracks and Mothers' Day compilations.

Mike Jones - who used to be in Latin Quarter, but is now with Liverpool University - reckons the buy-in could cost as much as a hundred million dollars.

Blimey, who's got that sort of money?

Elevation Partners. "I would really like to do something down the line with Bono's company" trills Courtney.

Imagine, eh? Bono making the strategic decisions about what films could have Silver on their soundtrack. Don't you feel your precious memories are in safe hands?

Radar gets all excited about the Klaxons, who are shaping up to be the first big second-generation rave band.


reviews
live
errors - glasgow nice n'sleazy - "a little too leftfield to garer mainstream love"
bloc party - nottingham rescue rooms - "we'll take Bloc Party over any other British band any night of the week"


albums
be your own pet - be your own pet - "a band with little time for the fourth chord or any of those boring thing boring, boring boys in bands talk about", 8
prince - 3121 - "a millionaire who has spent too much time in his studio alone", 4
secret machines - ten silver drops - "yes, they do prog, but vitally, they do so much more", 7

tracks
totw - the automatic - raoul - "there's a moral in its booty-shaking disco-punk broth"
hard-fi - better do better - "anthemic arms-aloft high points"
pipettes - your kisses are wasted on me - "proper hooks and handclaps"

and, finally, a little something from the world of copyrights. In the last Private Eye, the magazine illustrated a story about a musical cat with a spoof "Depussy" logo based on Edition Peters' Debussy sheetmusic. This week, they carry a letter from Nicholas Riddle (rhymes, of course, with "fiddle") requesting a thousand pounds to "licence" the original. The terrible thing is the grasping note is tricked out as a chummy old rib-nudger: "there is always a danger of an apparent lapse of sense of humour... it is a fact that if one fails to defend one's trademark... while very much enjoying its modified appearance..." With the music business in the hands of so many people desperate to turn a quick buck, how can anyone wonder at the state it is in?


LOOK! THERE GOES LIVERPOOL'S COUNCIL TAX

The line-up is being pulled together for this year's Liverpool Summer Pops, an event which the council has already budgeted for on the basis that city residents will be underwriting a half a million quid loss on. Considering the tab is going to be picked up by the council, they do seem to be trying to come up with a fairly interesting bill (perhaps because they don't have to worry about making it pay?): A-Ha, Westlife, Jeff Beck and the Sugababes.

The 2005 event burned through £350,000 that could have been spent on libraries, helping older people and sports fields, bringing the total losses to over a million quid.


SON OF BEATLE BECOMES FULL TIME BEATLE-WANNABE

The paperwork still needs to be stamped, but it seems that Zak Starkey's temporary fill-in on the Oasis drumkit is set to go permanent: Noel Gallagher thinks he's good enough for Oasis, at least:

“He's definitely, definitely, definitely going to record on the next record and definitely going to be out on the road, if he wants to.

"We always said that we'd sit down and talk about that at the end of the tour. There's no point in getting in business discussions while you're soundchecking.”


"Business discussions", Noel? What are you, Ethel Austin or something?


WHY THERE ISN'T MORE OPEN ACCESS TELEVISION

It was a nice idea - to raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims (or, at least, keep them afloat until that Michael jackson benefit shows up), VH1 invited people to donate $35k and programme an hour of music on the US version of the channel. A great idea.

Until somebody ponied up the cash and asked to have 99 Red Balloons and 99 Luftballons back to back, for an hour.

We once spent a new year's eve in a pub where someone stacked the jukebox to play Altogether Now non-stop; we imagine the feeling would be similar.


DON'T THROW YOUR BACK OUT FOR GOOD, GARY

None of us, it's fair to say, are as fit as we were a decade ago, so it's perhaps unsurprising that Gary Barlow has been struggling to get back to his peak for the Take That tour. Apparently Mark Owen is a bit worried the boys won't be quite ready for the grand reunion, although to be honest, if Gary Barlow can't squeeze into skin tight shorts and remove his shirt, we doubt if that many people are going to be demanding their money back.

Full Take That reunion coverage


IT IS AN ISLAND. CELEBRITY AND LOVE YOU MUST DECIDE FOR YOURSELF

The decision on the part of ITV to do a second series of Celebrity Love Island must be down to some sort of terrible deal signed before the first one was broadcast to a dwindling audience of people asking "who's he, then?"

That last time round they were reduced to the likes of Paul Dannan and - good lord - the son of George Best raises an interesting question: what happens after the barrel has been scraped?

They're in talks to try and get Frankie Poullain, the canned bassist from the Darkness, on board. You have to hope for ITV's sake that he's towards the bottom of their list of hopefulls, and not at the top.


WE'D LOVE TO HAVE BEEN AT THE MORTGAGE ARRANGEMENT

There's an act of a man confident in his future record sales: Shayne Ward (you do... last year's X-Factor winner) has taken out on a million pound flat. The flat, in Manchester's dully-named Beetham Tower (can't the company come up with something a little more landmark-like than churning out the same tower block with the same name in different cities?) hasn't been finished yet. Let's hope it's completed before Ward's career is.


POSH AND POSHER

Not, of course, that anyone would want to give the impression that James Blunt was strictly Officers' Mess rather than squarebashing squaddie when he was in the troops, but the aura of his being more than a little bit of a posho does tend to cling to him.

Still, dating Tara Palmer-Tomkinson will put an end to that impression, won't it?. The pair have been seen out roasting swans and throwing red hot pennies at poor people in New York.


KATEANDPETEAREATITAGAIN

Yes, it's perhaps not the greatest of surprises, but the pretty-well-open-secret that Kate Moss and Pete Doherty aren't exactly estranged has been blown open by the News of the World this morning, which has pictures of her and Pete slinking about. They even managed to get a picture of her holding a can of Coke, which gave the caption writers something of an open goal.

However, with little more than a few long-lens photos, none of which actually show the pair of them, the NOTW falls back on "friends" of Kate:

"Kate did see Pete and they both stayed overnight at the home of mutual friends.

"She's trying very hard to help him as a friend to overcome his drug problems and she still cares for him. This does not necessarily mean they are going to become a couple again."


Which, oddly for a made-up quote, is probably the only clear line in their whole piece.

The paper also brings in their agony auny Jane Butterworth for, um an insight:

"Kate is obviously addicted to Pete and him to her. He is a very needy person and Kate needs to be needed.

"But he is a terrible role model for her three-year-old daughter. Kate must tell him to get lost. Then he might get himself sorted."


Kate needs to be needed? But does Pete need someone who needs to be needed? Does Kate need to be needed by someone who only needs her for her neediness? And if she needs to be needed for being needed, can she provide for the needs that Pete needs? (Is that awkward space at the bottom of the page filled now?)


THIS WEEK JUST GONE

The ten most-accessed actual bits of No Rock this week would have been:

1. Kelly Osbourne turns into Sharon before our eyes
2. Enquiring minds still want to know: KT Tunstall - really gay or just a dyke-alike?
3. Britney and Avril. A 2004 row
4. Limp Bizkit all crumbs?
5. James Blunt royalties suspended in row
6. Matt Busted doesn't like Charlie's dismissal of them
7. Doherty pleads guilty to some more drugs charges
8. Shakira gets made of stone
9. R Kelly's brother doesn't like him much
10. Pete Burns having trouble with the real world

You can absorb the whole week on one single page
or take a crash course in the previous week with a single post

and, in a fit of "beat the budget" madness, we attempted to persuade you to fill your boots with these:


Fifteen years (yes, 15) on Chapterhouse's debut gets a re-release


Astonishing as it may seem, it's a Bluetones box set


Second Skin solo bash


Rev-ola reactivates the mightily underrated Telescopes


Post Fat Tulip Robinson teatime classic


A Wonderstuff documentary. Fans only, we'd suggest.


Everybody out onto DVD... The Rag Trade


1999's telling the story and playing the music of K Records


Only rich schoolgirls with big guns can save the nation of Gazth-Sonika


Blancmange caught live just beyond their peak in 1984


Popjustice marches into the book world


25 years on, Donald Bogan's history of black female musicians (the first time 'diva' was used outside classical music) wins a lavish reworking


Friday, March 24, 2006

BUSTED WERE BRILLIANT, RECKONS ONE OF BUSTED

Come on, Matt Willis, we know you might not want to admit you spent five years making cartoon music for a Petit Filous munching child audience, but your attack on Charlie for his honesty is a bit much:

"I refused to say anything bad when we split but then I read lots of interviews by Charlie slagging off the band - it really p****s me off. I thought: "What a bastard"."

"We were in the band for five years, and it's insulting to our fans who spent money following us around, buying our music and voting for us to win awards. It's out of order.

"I haven't got anything against his new band but it wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for us."


The thing is, Matt, most of your fans who voted for those oh-so-sought-after TV Hits awards will have hit puberty by now and have probably hidden your records behind sofas because they think they're slightly embarrassing, too. You sound like a man who spent six years dressed up in a Mr. Wimpy outfit trying to suggest that you were some sort of actor.


OWW... BLOODY FRANZ FERDINAND

Drummers, eh? Paul Thompson was taking part in a venue launch with the rest of the Franzs in Manhattan when the bottle of whisky they were using shattered. Despite gashing his finger open, Thomson played on for a full set.

The other band members were, of course, concerned if he should be drumming with a bloody finger. Blood's really tricky to get off a drum kit.


DRAWN OUT?

Accoridng to someone who heard one of them talking to someone else in a chipshop, Gorillaz could be coming to an end, and only two years too late:

"Gorillaz will split by the end of the year," said Remi, the voice actor for cartoon Russel.

"We'll wind down in September and by Christmas there will be a break.

"The band is made up of a lot of musicians and it needs a lot of work."


It turns out they're not cartoons at all, then: just people pretending. Daylight has rushed in on magic.

Noodles is in talks with Graham Coxon about releasing some solo work on his label.


NUMBER ONE SLIPS FROM EMBRACE

We're not quite sure how, if they've disappeared, they can be sure that they were there in the first place, but the loss of a chunk of sales data form internet downloads looks likely to cost Embrace the number one slot this Sunday.

Interesting that with all this DRM all over the downloaded tracks, supposedly designed to keep an eye on what we do with music we've bought, they can't even keep track of what they've sold. And if the UK download system is able to lose sales, can we rely on it keeping proper track of the personal details we entrust to it?


WOMAN SINGS 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' TO HUSBAND ON BIRTHDAY SHOCK

Kevin Federline has turned 28 (a claimed age, we suspect, that might not satisfy New Yorker factcheckers) and to celebrate, Britney spent some money on throwing him a party with all of his friends.

There were lobsters there, too, presumably to raise the intellectual tone.


COMEBACK DERAILED

The reports of his hotel eviction in nothing but undercrackers are followed ttoday by the news that Pete Burns is checking into a hospital.

It's far from clear if the meltdown came from being back in the public eye after Celeb Big Brother, or from being back out of it after CBB finished.


SMACK MY PINK UP

There's a slightly contorted "she admitted for the first time to The Sun" - which make it sound like The Sun is the last, rather than the first, to get the not-entirely-surprising admission from Pink that she used to take smack:

“Heroin is a horrible thing. I’ve seen first hand what it can do to people and it’s not pretty. I was never that much in to it to need treatment.

“But if you’re talking about drugs — you name it, I took it.

“I buried three friends from heroin overdoses. But, you know, onwards and upwards.”


Of course, you can't talk about druks without being asked about Doherty:

“It sounds like it’s his way to be rock and roll. That’s sad.

“In my experience people are searching for something else. In relationships, in drugs, with everything.

“Sometimes when your life is full of pain, drugs give you an escape — then you end up dead or sick.

“It’s not a good place to be but I do understand it. I hope he finds what he is looking for.”


Maybe he should get a pole and dance for Kate. I'm sorry, nobody wanted to have that image, did they?

Interestingly, the paper sort of glides over how Pink turned from being on heroin to not being on heroin - she found other things to do, so decided to stop taking it - because it doesn't really fit with the paper's attitude to drugs. (Heroin = unbreakable cycle of addiction)

She also doesn't really help the paper when she talks about fancying girls, either - the Sun likes its bisexuality to be delivered by the actually heterosexual with extra panting, but because Pink's actually bi, it doesn't occur to her to paint it as a masturbation aid for the paper:

“I don’t put labels on myself, I’m just a happy girl.

“Carey didn’t want me because he thought I would sleep with women.

“I try to get him to tell me what girls he thinks are hot but he’s incapable, which I find inhuman because I find a lot of people hot.

“I’m the only one for that boy, which is sweet but it seems unnatural.

“I think Johnny Depp is No1 — always has been since I was little. I think his wife Vanessa is hot too. She’s gorgeous.”


Thursday, March 23, 2006

CUBAOBIT: Pio Leyva

Cuban singer and Buena Vista Social Club member Pio Leyva has died, it was announced today.

Born in Moron, Cuba, in 1917, his first glimmer of musical promise came when he won a bongo contest at the age of six, but he didn't take up singing professionally until 1932. Known as El Montunero de Cuba, he formed a long-running partnership with Compay Segundo in the 1950s. The pair were recording in Havana on the day of the revoultionary storming of the presidential palace; Keyva claimed that sharp ears could hear the sounds of gunshots.

In a long career, his first record contract with RCA Victor in 1950 would eventually lead to 25 albums; at the age of 74, Leyva embarked on a four month tour of west Africa.

His death from a heart attack, at the age of 88, came following a stroke a few days earlier.

Earlier: Ibriahim Ferrer obituary


NORTHERN AYE, LAND

We've been sitting on a email from the people behind It's Grim Up North for a couple of weeks meaning to mention their rather fine blog-style music product, but keep forgetting. So we're doing it now. The name of that blog again? It's Grim Up North


AARON CARTER CAUGHT IN COURT

Back when he was young and before his face started to look properly run-in, Aaron Carter signed a record deal with TransContinental Records. Now, though, he wants out - and TCR have gone to court to hold him to the promises his seventeen year-old self made.

To be frank, if we'd signed Carter when he was 17, we'd be delighted if he told us he didn't want to work with us any more.


DOHERTY: I DID IT

Faced with pretty overwhelming evidence, Pete Doherty has pleaded guilty to possession charges. Sentencing has been adjourned until 20th April, following a plea from Doherty's lawyer Sean Curran:

He told District Judge Jane McIvor that Doherty was responding well to the rehabilitation programme which was imposed at Ealing Magistrates' Court last month.

Mr Curran said that while the star had "got a problem", his last review had been very favourable and suggested he was heading in the right direction in his battle to get off drugs.

He said: "If Mr Doherty shows the inclination he has had on his first review, the court may look more favourably on him.

"It will mean he can continue with the good work he has done under this order. It is still at its initial stages."


He didn't explain why, if Doherty was doing so well under that order, he was found with cannabis, crack and heroin on him while he was under it.

Outside the court, the increasingly unpleasant Doherty hoisted himself onto a wall and kicked a microhpone out the hand of a Newsbeat reporter, leaving her bruised.


CERYS HEADS OUT, TOO

Image hosting by TinyPicIt's not, actually, her first gigs in two years - she played a small gig in Wales around Christmas time - but why quibble when Cerys Matthews is about to microtour the UK?

Dates are :
Llangollen Town Hall (July 22)
Cardiff The Point (24)
London The Scala (26)
Cambridge Folk Festival (29)

If you haven't bought Cockahoop yet, you probably should.


MARK GOES OUT

Mark Gardner, who may no longer have his Ride-era fringe but has retained everything else from those days, is set to take a tour round the UK:

Image hosting by TinyPic

Norwich Arts Centre (March 25)
Winchester Railway Inn (28)
Liverpool Korova (29)
London Luminaire (30)
Nottingham Social (31)
Dublin Sugar Club (April 1)

Got to be better than carrying the tunes for Mr. Gallagher, surely?


RADIOHEAD DO A U2

Another big band, another tour announcement, another computer failure: this time, it's Radiohead whose computers went a bit Capita faced by demand for tour tickets.

Thom Yorke says sorry:

"Sorry about the system meltdown. We were caught by surprise by the volume of traffic. Even though we should technically be able to handle it.. The numbers were far beyond what we expected. So sorry about all the confusion."

Doesn't anyone actually test their systems properly any more? Are bands really surprised that - having booked a venue the size of the Hammersmith Apollo - people want to go and see them? Or do they expect to be playing to a half-empty venue, hoping there's going to be enough walk-up during the support slot to keep the bar manager happy?


JAXX OFF ROUND THE UK

Coming later - much later - this year: a Basement Jaxx tour:

Plymouth Pavilions (November 28)
Brighton Centre (29)
Bournemouth International Centre (30)
London Wembley Arena (December 2)
Birmingham International Arena (5)
Newcastle Arena (6)
Manchester Evening News Arena (7)
Glasgow SECC (8)

Spring barely started, and already people are plotting autumn tours.


CHERYL WINS VOTE BY HAVING UNHATCHED CHICKENS COUNTED

Is it entirely fair that Cheryl Tweedy won a poll for sexiest footballer's wife when she's, erm, not actually married to Ashley Cole yet? Still, it should come in handy for Ashley when he's in court suing Rupert Murdoch's papers for hinting around that he might be gay.

Victoria Beckham was unplaced.


MORRISSEY SAYS SORRY

And so you should be sorry, Morrissey - your comments about how quickly the Arctic Monkeys came to the top of the chart left the door open for Noel Gallagher to kiss up to them all over the place. I didn't mean it, wails the Moz:

"I actually quite like the Arctic Monkeys and whatever I said was said with tender, avuncular concern. I hope to God I didn't upset their grannies... I really should shut it."

Good lord, he'll be going to tea with Johnny Rogan next. Do you think he's been watching My Name Is Earl?


CHAZZA CRISPS CRUSHED

Charlotte Church's multi-quid deal to plug Walkers crisps hasn't gone down well in Wales. The Swansea Walkers factory closed last month in a money-saving measure; understandably, families who've lost their income are a little miffed to discover the money thus saved has gone to hire Church for a couple of minutes in front of a camera.

Walkers, of course, did send the 250 staff it had thrown out of work a free packet of crisps (worth 36p), so it's not like they should be surprised at the strange priorities of the company.