Darkness at 3AM: Kate Mosses' skeleton

Goodness - the 3AM column online before lunchtime. And with an eyecatching headline, too:

Kate's X-ray SEX!

What can that possibly mean?

Her new home has bonking skeletons

Her new house has what?

The truth, as ever, turns out to be quite dull:

The supermodel is terrifying visitors to her North London pad, thanks to the two life-size skeletons on display in the corridor.

And it gets worse. They are arranged in a horizontal missionary position... Yep, bonking bones! We're spooked too.

But arranging skeletons as if they were having sex (the sort of thing that most people get out their system by about the age of 15) isn't anything to do with an X-Ray, is it?

Still, it gives Kate's guest the collywobbles:

"Kate was given the skeletons by a friend," says our well-placed source. "She absolutely loves them and finds it hysterical when visitors get freaked out."

Who would be freaked out by discovering skeletons in a hallway? Unless you were off your tree on drugs of some sort, wouldn't you... oh, hang on.

Apparently it gets worse - although, to be honest, this sounds like the sort of thing that a newspaper might make up to fill out a story:

Let's hope the freaky floorshow doesn't faze 34-year-old Kate's fella, Kills guitarist Jamie Hince - because his face is going on one of them.

"Kate's so chuffed with them she's asked her PA to get her another couple to go in her Cotswolds retreat," adds our source.

"She wants to paint one set with her face beaming down and the other with Jamie's mug. It'll look hilarious."

Can you imagine Kate Moss' head perched on top of body with absolutely no flesh on it whatsoever?