The big news in Gordon's kingdom this morning is Madonna being told 'no':
Madonna screamed ‘Whaaaat’ and held head in her hands
That's probably 'what' as in 'what does this thing 'no' mean? It's a word I've heard, of course, but not one that has ever been directed towards my face before.'
Yes, Virginia Wheeler is finally doing some reporting from the court room in Malawi.
STUNNED MADONNA screamed “Whaaaat?” and held her head in her hands yesterday after a judge sensationally DENIED her bid to adopt a second Malawian orphan.
Perhaps Madonna was so surprised because she'd been reading Wheeler's reports that the whole thing was a done deal. Court was a "rubber stamp", wasn't it, Virginia?
The head of the orphanage where Mercy will today return said the ruling would be “like a dagger in Madonna’s heart”.
Annie Chikhwaza, who runs the Kondanani Children’s Home where the tot has spent most of her life, re-introduced Mercy to Madge when the singer touched down in Malawi last week.
And she revealed the excited little girl’s first word when she saw Madonna was “Mummy”.
Now, you or I might think this is a sign that the orphanage and Madonna have been handling this whole thing really badly - Madonna, apparently, making promises to a child that she thought were underwritten by her cash; the orphanage not cautioning that no child should be told they're being adopted until the paperwork is in place. This seems pretty scandalous.
So, surely Virginia will want to make sure her readers remember exactly who has been at the heart of this story, and the only person who should matter?
Well, sort of:
A family friend said: “Madonna is an amazing woman who always gets what she wants.
“This is a massive embarrassment for her. She is furious, shocked, devastated and cannot believe what’s happened.”
Back in Britain, and more surprise for anyone who relies on the Sun's reports to understand the world. You'll recall yesterday how the triumvirate of Gordon Smart, Sara Nathan and James Clench diagnosed Matthew Horne's illness:
The actor, said to be suffering from exhaustion, was taken off on a stretcher, breathing with an oxygen mask[...]
A source said: “Mat has been working so hard. He is a fragile guy. Friends worried he was taking on too much. It’s been stressful.”
Doctors last night said Mat was suffering severe stress.
Oddly, though, today a fourth writer, Rhodri Phillips turns up to deliver today's update:
COMIC actor Mathew Horne — who collapsed on stage during a West End show — is suffering from a virus, it was revealed yesterday.
It had been thought the Gavin and Stacey star, who appears in a TV sketch show and the film Lesbian Vampire Killers, could be suffering exhaustion.
Really... I wonder what could have made it "had been thought" that?