Stuck On Repeat 2009: August

Back in August, the idea of a Bob Dylan Christmas album seemed a bit of a laugh. We're not laughing now. Still, it took the edge off the pointless Mariah-Eminem spat. Steve Tyler fell off the stage.

Afraid that Katy Perry was being asked a tricky question (i.e. a question) her manger unplugged the TV studio. Having been caught out arranging their tax affairs in a selfish manner, U2 decided that the best way to swerve accusations of hypocrisy would be to patronise everyone. The Edge then used the same approach to defend their environmentally-awful tour. Former Atomic Kitten Natasha Hamilton grew tired of waiting for the next police visit to her club and closed H down. Plans for a memorial to Kurt Cobain fell apart when someone spotted it contained a sweary word.

Steve Lamacq was asked to hand back his Radio One pass. Lammo went quietly, not like Malcolm Laycock's noisy exit from Radio Two. As they started to plan for government, the Tories revealed their plans to ruin music radio once and for all. Not clear yet if illumanti puppet Lady GaGa will be part of the Cameron cabinet. Worried that it's not entirely fair, Equity called for X Factor contestants to be paid. It's not like they're not acting, is it?

Another much-loved magazine moved to much-missed status as Bearded closed down. Somehow, Zoe Griffin's attempts to reinvent herself as a sponsored British Perez Hilton doesn't fill the gap. Conor McNicholas finished his spell at the NME with circulation at 58% of the level he found it at. The rotten idea of a 40th anniversary Woodstock flopped - one of the few good things about the rotten economy. Ant And Dec didn't have anything to do with Susan Boyle's breakdown, just like they didn't have anything to do with that phone-in fleecing.

Hitting the comebacks, Skunk Anansie explained they were merely pawns in their fans' MySpace games. It took a request from My Bloody Valentine to get The Membranes back together. And a lot of praying to finally get rid of Oasis.

News International bought iLike as it struggled to make some money from MySpace. In the pitiless, tireless search for a new format which might interest us, the majors came up with CMX. But then, whoever would have thought that Heather Mills running a vegan cafe on Hove seafront would work?

After a happy lunch with Geffen and Spielberg, Lord Mandelson suddenly decided that something really, really draconian had to be done about filesharing.

The Waco Tribune decided the people of Waco could do without the delights of Ted Nugent as a columnist.

[Part of the month-by-month review from Stuck On Repeat 2009]