Digital Spy surprised to discover how TV works

Digital Spy seem genuinely upset to discover that Nigella Lawson wasn't stood on the Southbank at Midnight:

While the UK's five points were nothing to behold, it's always a proud moment to see our capital in the background of the scores presenter during the Eurovision Song Contest.

This year we were treated to Nigella Lawson - who wowed us with her German, Italian and French skills - but unfortunately the London Eye you saw in the background wasn't quite what it seemed...

Yes, we're afraid to report it is indeed a green screen.

Of course, chroma key is common these days but we thought the beloved London skyline might at least be real - ol' Nigella could have been in her living room for all we know.

Actually, the London skyline is real, DigitalSpy; I've been to London at least twice and have seen it in place; it's not just painted on a backdrop by Joe from the Mayor's Office. It just wasn't in the same shot.

Digital Spy boosts Janet Jackson's love for freaky brother slide-show stunt

It must be tricky, discovering that someone is going to project a film of your dead brother on stage and pretend that somehow he's "performing". And yet you can't really scream "why are you doing this, like some odd cross between Frankenstein and Barnum?" because that'd cause a shitstorm, too.

So, on Facebook, Janet Jackson's people issue a polite, but non-comital statement:

Janet wishes rumors she'd be at the ‪#‎BillboardAwards‬ were right. She never confirmed as her schedule would not permit. She sends wishes for a great event.
-Janet's Team

To me, that sounds like discussions about taking part happened, possibly up until the bit where Billboard wheeled out the overhead projector and said "... and we'd like you to duet with some photos of your dead sibling."

Afterwards, again on Facebook, Janet was being polite and still non-comital:

My brother, Michael, was, is and always will be a genius. I love you, Mike. Janet

Now, she doesn't say that she really loved that sub-Derek Acorah resurrection routine. It's possible she forgot to mention how brilliant it all was.

Regardless, it's a long journey from those two terse tweets to Digital Spy's interpretation of what they meant:

Janet Jackson "wishes" she'd performed with Michael Jackson hologram

Not only does she not mention performing at all, she expressly, and clearly, makes no mention at all of the unsettling hologram o'resurrection. I think the wishes for the shared stage might be Digital Spy's, rather than Jackson.

Kittens robbed by Kylie

Oh, the strange spikes in the road of history. What might have been, had Ferdinand taken a different route; had Hitler's paintings not been so shit; had Kylie not robbed Atomic Kitten.

You heard. She's a thief:

"I'll tell you what was going to be our song - Kylie's 'I Can't Get You Out of My Head'," Liz McClarnon told Digital Spy.

"Can you believe it? She robbed our song. She's a little robber."

Obviously, there's no sense in which the song was ever the Kitten's, any more than a potato you're looking at in Waitrose is yours before you pay for it.

And I think most independent viewers would judge Kylie taking that song out of the jaws of Kerry Katona was an act of rescue, rather than of theft.

Digital Spy cut the branch from underneath themselves

DigitalSpy want us to get excited:

12 albums to get excited about in 2014:

The very next word in that headline?

Coldplay

Ooh, DigitalSpy. You're asking us to really calibrate our sense of excitement in the micrometres, aren't you?

Justin Bieber invokes God as protection

The two-hour-late Bieber gig continues to bubble through the public prints, with poor Justin Bieber crying how he's been victimised:

Writing 12 messages on the subject on his Twitter feed, he put: "Rumors rumors and more rumors. Nothing more nothing less. Might talk about them one day. Right now I'm just gonna be positive. Can't bring me down." The messages continued, with Bieber claiming people wrote "fake stories" on him in order to sell papers.

Ooh, he "might talk about them one day". Goodness, let's hope he does. Presumably the detail is being kept secret under the Thirty Year Rule.

For someone who isn't talking about it, he does bang on a lot, though:

Bieber continued his defence on Twitter. "We are all equal in God's eyes & we have a responsibility to each other. So make up stories about fake fines and make no mention of the positive. Or say when I came out of my show with my shirt off because after performing for 2 hours I might be sweaty, I was going into a club (really?) or any girl I stand next to is my girl or that I don't care, or that I don't feel, or that a 19 year old going to a club in Europe is wild."

Not entirely clear what the "equal in Gods' eyes" gibberish is about, especially since some of us are paid squillions to prance about singing pissweak songs, and others dig deep into their pockets to give him money so to do and just ask not to miss the last train home in return.

Still, he does have a point about the fine stories.

Here's the NME on the fine:

Meanwhile, Digital Spy reported that Bieber was fined £300,000 for causing the gig to overrun. It was claimed that Greenwich Council fined the singer £10,000 per minute for exceeding a live music curfew. Due to the late start, Bieber's set didn't finish until 11.30pm, meaning it ran 30 minutes later than the venue's noise ban, which is said to be enforced at 11pm.

Well, yes, Digital Spy did report that. They also later reported that there was no fine.

But was it just Digital Spy which reported the erroneous story?

The difference? While Digital Spy have run a second story correcting the first, the NME, erm, hasn't.

Sometimes these write themselves

I'm not sure you can be a "star", "topping the bill" or doing an "intimate gig" if you're stood in front of the yoghurt machine in a Nandos.

Cheryl Cole was going to work with Michael Jackson, we're asked to believe

DigitalSpy trumpets a jewel lost to the world:

Cheryl Cole, Michael Jackson duet was planned, says will.i.am

Oh, really? Call my a cynic, but I can't imagine that Jackson's list of potential collaborators was so short it needed the woman off the hair adverts to pad it out.

So, what does this "planned duet" actually mean?

"I told Michael Cheryl was the hottest thing in the UK and he was keen to meet her," will.i.am told The People. "I was gonna write them a song."

So, the headline should read:

Cheryl Cole oversold to Michael Jackson, as will i am hoped to score some royalties from an album padding duet somewhere down the line

Noel Gallagher cherishes outdated musical shibboleth

It's perhaps no surprise that a man whose music is so resolutely backwards looking would want to bring back Top Of The Pops. Noel Gallagher misses it:

"It was a great British tradition to have Top of the Pops on a Thursday, and it gave you a chance to see what these people looked like who you were listening to on the radio, and we don't get that anymore. I would bring it back in a heartbeat."

Ah, yes, we know how much Noel loves the idea of a show which brings you into contact with different types of music, and bands you wouldn't normally seek out.

Why, remember how much he enjoyed the last Top Of The Pops which was made, for Christmas last year:

"Christmas Top of the Pops was ­dreadful," he said, according to the Sunday Mirror.

"Every song ­sounded like it came from the same field of music. There was a rap in there somewhere, everyone sang in a transatlantic soul voice and it was rubbish."

And yet he wants to watch that every Thursday night.

DigitalSpy makes you an offer you can safely ignore

Watch The Wanted playing Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games on Wii.

I suppose at least they're not singing.

Not that Matt Willis, then

Digital Spy's story about Matt Willis of Busted managing Tricky has been removed, because... it's a different Matt Willis.

Lady GaGa: Record breaker

With all the coverage of Lady GaGa, her album launch is going to set a few tills alight, right?

DigitalSpy is doing the numbers:

Lady GaGa is on course to achieve the biggest first week album sales of ...

Yes? All time? The century?

The decade?

Lady GaGa is on course to achieve the biggest first week album sales of 2011

Oh. The best selling first week of the year.

So far.

Well, I suppose we are nearly five months through the year. That's an achievement almost worth mentioning, right?

Macca convinces himself the Stones were jealous

Really, Paul?

"I talked to Keith Richards a couple of years ago, and his take on it was: 'Man, you were lucky, you guys, you had four lead singers,' whereas The Rolling Stones only had one," McCartney told the Radio Times.

"We were an entity. Mick [Jagger] used to call us the four-headed monster. We would show up at places all dressed the same."

So the Stones were not only jealous of Ringo's singing - a bit of a stretch - but the way the Beatles all dressed the same?

Really, Paul? The Stones would rather have been this?

I'm having trouble believing that, Old Man. I'd like to believe it, Paul, really I would.

DAB off-air: Luckily nobody noticed

The commercial DAB national network fell off the air earlier today.

Of course, it's cruel to say nobody noticed: Digital Spy forum members noticed. But many people on Digital Spy only listen to the radio in the hope there's going to be a massive technical failure, so they won't be upset.

You have to hope this is a gag... but it isn't

No, the announcement of another collaboration between Weller, Gallagher N and Gem from Heavy Stereo is not a gag.

James P wrote to tell us about DigitalSpy's spoof: Fearne Cotton being made head of ITV Entertainment:

Cotton said: "It's amazing. I can't actually believe it, it's brilliant. Wicked.

Sadly, though, DSpy have taken the page down since. Perhaps it was someone spoofing them rather than an idea that originated in their own offices.