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It's perhaps inevitable that Liam Gallagher has been involved in an empty spat - he and Nicole Appleton have burned through £800,000 on divorce lawyers to end up with a judge saying split everything 50/50.
I know this might make the phrase "Liam Gallagher is living off royalties for Never Ever" slightly a stretch, but... Liam Gallagher is living off royalties for Never Ever.
Tom Sneddon, the prosecutor who somehow failed to convict Michael Jackson of child abuse, has died.
Jackson made a hamfisted attack on Sneddon via his music (although, to be fair, this was well into the period where everything Jackson did was hamfisted):
Jackson shot back in a thinly disguised swipe at the prosecutor in a song called "D.S." on the "HIStory" album. The song contains the lyrics, "Dom Sheldon is a cold man."Sheldon, though, maintained that pursuing Jackson brought him no pleasure:
"If he had been convicted I think that part of it would have been a tragedy — like a Greek tragedy play of a person who obviously can bring great joy and entertainment to the people around the world, (who was) obviously a great entertainer at one point in his career, (who) could end up this way for whatever reason," he told The Associated Press in an interview after the verdict.Sneddon might be better remembered as the man who pursued an Israeli couple accused of murder in the US despite the Israeli bar on extradition. But there were no idiots outside the courtroom with doves for that one, so it's Jackson which marks out his career.
Judge Jules - perhaps irked by the constant 'he's not a real judge' gags - has joined a legal firm as a trainee lawyer. The Drum reports:
“Some of you may have read that over the past 5 years I’ve been refreshing my legal qualifications. This was my game-plan for many years, and in early June my final law exam was done and dusted,” he said.Yes, I'm sure that'll be invaluable, as you'll be able to advise people to put a donk on it, but then bill them two grand for the advice.
“From October I will be taking up a part-time position practising law at a top entertainment lawyers Sheridans, in addition to carrying on with my regular DJ and music production duties.
“Confidentiality prevents me from listing them, but suffice to say that Sheridans represent some of the biggest names in global music, including some huge individuals from the world of EDM/dance. They also cover other aspects of entertainment, including film, music, theatre and sport. I’ve learned a huge amount from my many years in the music business, which will hopefully position me as a strong and insightful advice giver.”
The former lawyers for George Clinton, Hendricks & Lewis, have taken their former client to court over unpaid bills. And, as result, the lawyers have been handed the copyrights on a range of Funkadelic songs.
Apparently, Clinton had run up a debt of USD1.5million - so, presumably, had only had two ten-minute meetings with Hendricks & Lewis.
So, that's a bunch of funk classics now in the hands of a legal firm (at least until they've earned enough to pay off the debt). I think the court should at least mandated that the Hendricks & Lewis can only keep the copyright if they do a cover version. It's what would have happened in Boston Legal.
Andrew Crossley, the man from ACS:Law who sent cash-demanding letters claiming illegal filesharing activities with often scant evidence, has been declared bankrupt.
It's not all bad news, mind: given his impecunious circumstances, he's had his £200k fine for being rubbish at protecting personal data reduced to £1000.
Prince is being sued by his own lawyers who claim he owes USD700,000 in unpaid legal bills.
Patterson Belknap Webb & Tyler reckon that he hasn't settled with them for work done representing the Purple One in overseas affairs; he also hasn't paid them for doing his divorce.
If you don't pay your divorce bill, do you get remarried by default? Prince might want to check on that.
They can dish it, but can they take it?
No, in the case of Dunlap, Grubb and Weaver. They've been making money as the US Copyright Group, sending stern letters to people they claimed had listened to unlicensed music or watched unlicensed films, and getting them to cough up cash to make the whole thing go away.
They sent one of these letters to Dmitriy Shirokov, claiming he'd seen a film he shouldn't have. Rather than pay up, Shirokov counter-sued. As Ars Techica reported:
[H]e sued the DGW lawyers for racketeering, extortion, and committing fraud on the US Copyright Office (among 25 total claims). Even the settlement letters were said to be misleading, since they referenced other cases like the Joel Tenenbaum $675,000 P2P verdict—but without noting that a judge has already slashed that amount as being unconstitutional. According to Shirokov, DGW's idea is merely to scare the accused into paying up.The lawyers - who always seem so menancing when they're sending letters out - don't really like getting that sort of letter.
The suit demanded that a judge stop the "scheme" and force DGW to reimburse everyone who had settled in the case so far. In addition, Shirokov asked for punitive damages.
"Although an attorney may be accused of defrauding opposing parties, knowingly committing discovery abuses, lying to the court, or purposely and maliciously defaming another individual, if it takes place during the course of litigation, the conduct simply is not actionable," says DGW's response. Such behavior may result in judicial sanctions, but private citizens can't file lawsuits against opposing lawyers who are "simply doing their job."They go on like this at length.
The lawyers should have known better than to bring such a harassing and frivolous lawsuit, says the motion for sanctions, and they should face financial penalties for doing so.Blimey. A company that thinks it has the right to demand sanctions against anyone for criticising it is one that has somewhat lost a sense of perspective. Perhaps they should think about moving into the New Jersey waste industry instead?
Courtney Love isn't bothered that the rest of Hole are objecting to her using the band name on her new project:
"It is Hole, yes of course," she said. "How do I do this? It is just because it is, and it is because we just negotiated our thing and it'll be fine. Everyone has good lawyers."
I suppose the one piece of judgement shown by Britney Spears' lawyers is that they stopped short of reaching for the Nazis and merely suggested that Spears had been treated like a 'gulag victim' by the US courts:
In newly released court papers, Jon Eardley likened her plight to that of forced labourers in Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's literary masterpiece.
Mr Eardley was voicing his objections to the court-ordered conservatorship that currently governs the pop singer's life.
"It is worth noting that there has not even been a 'show trial' for Miss Spears," Mr Eardley said, according to the Los Angeles Times.
There's obviously much movement on the R Kelly trial, now that it's finally underway, and the press are struggling to balance the seriousness of the charges with the obvious comedy value of a case that throws up a defence desperately trying to use Marlon Wayan films to make their case:
The last time police popped round to one of DMX's houses, they found a number of dead dogs. DMX's people scratched their heads and expressed surprise, claiming that he was a big animal lover, the 2002 conviction for animal cruelty notwithstanding.
What a surprise, then, to hear of a raid on another of DMX's houses, where police claim they found more evidence of animal cruelty, and drugs, and guns. Last time round, DMX tried to blame it all on the caretaker; this time, as he was in residence, he might need to think of something else.
Indeed, he tried to give himself some thinking time:
Not actually, Britney, of course: she's still unable to control her own financial affairs. But her current conservators, her Dad and Andrew Wallet, have been ordered by a court to pay at least USD375,000 worth of legal bills. It's expected that Spears might still have a few quid left after this. Or at least her Dad and Mr. Wallett will.
With so much outstanding on his mortgages, Michael Jackson could use some of the USD20 million the owners of Xtrajet are having to pay in damages for taping him and his lawyer talking while they flew up to turn Jackson in on those child abuse charges.
Trouble is, Jackson has subsequently sacked the lawyer Mark Geragos and had pulled himself off the lawsuit, so won't get a penny. And since the jet service has gone bankrupt, it's possible owner Jeffrey Borer won't be writing a cheque for twenty million out anytime soon, either.
Eric Ervin, who used to be Britney's lawyer, has popped up to breach client confidentiality in a US magazine interview. Apparently the usual rules of respecting your client's privacy don't count if you can sell the details.
His big reveal is that, back when Britney was telling everyone she was a virgin, she wasn't. Fancy that. He'll be telling us she never went into outer space for the Oops video next.
Regardless of whether he feels the truth is something that should be in the public domain, does he really feel comfortable making his living talking about the sex life of a fourteen year-old girl?
