Leave It To Bieber

Remember the Fred Durst sitcom? Of course not, it never got made because it was a terrible idea. But simply being a terrible idea isn't enough to stop a sitcom - indeed, the figures for Two And A Half Men show that no matter how awful the idea, it could still be a hit.

So we can only hope that scheduling conflicts will spare us the current idea being dragged down the stairwells of ABC: Justin Bieber: The sitcom.

"Hey, Englishman" said an unnamed ABC executive struggling with a flipchart that merely had the words "BeiberBieber" and "laugh track" written on it. "You're from a nation where Mrs Browns Boys wins prizes, so we'll take no sitcom lessons from you, thank you."

Actually, here's a thought: given the Office translated so successfully to the US, why don't ABC just pick up the scripts for Gervais' Life's Too Short and remake it shot-for-shot with Bieber in the lead? It couldn't be any worse than the original, could it?

Whatever happened to that Fred Durst sitcom, then?

When this image of Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan popped up this week, there was just one thought:

That thought was: 'who knew there was a politician who'd base his look on Fred Durst?'

That led to another thought: whatever happened to Fred Durst's sitcom? It was announced to much excitement - alright, to a sea of snark - this time last year. And yet there's no sign of it in the 2012-13 schedules. There's not even a suggestion anywhere that a pilot even got made, much less that there was enough of a project to be dropped.

Mind you, ABC have got a show lined up called How To Live With Your Parents For The Rest Of Your Life, so maybe CBS just said 'one of the other networks is doing something similar to the sitcom based on you, Fred' and moved along.

So what is Fred up to these days? Popping up at celebrity golf matches for Christian charities.

Gordon in the morning: Stacey Solomon - the sitcom

Yes, it's true - fresh from her, um, success playing herself in those Iceland commercials, Stacey Solomon is having a sitcom built around her. Gordon explains:

STACEY Solomon is having a sitcom created around her in the vein of cult US comedy Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I suspect we're talking something closer to, say, Dani's House than the mighty Larry David's creation.

Normally, we'd assume this is heading in exactly the same direction as that terrible-sounding wrestling thing with the Kasabian connection that Smart is always trying to talk up, but there are some more interesting names than the central one attached:

Its writers, Rob Colley and Dan Gaster, are shooting a taster tape this week with Princess Productions.

Admittedly, neither have very much experience in sitcom - Colley not at all, Gaster apparently not much since Mumbai Calling limped to the end of its only series in 2008, bar a few lines for a Miranda Christmas special and a single episode of The Life Of Riley - and it does sound more like the sort of scheme they'd normally be providing knocking gags about for Mock The Week or Buzzcocks, but at least they know a gag from something else.

Impressionists Phil Cornwell and Ronni Ancona have been lined up to play the parents of X Factor star turned TV presenter Stacey, who won I’m A Celeb in 2010.

Cornwell has popped up in Dani's House, amusingly enough. But as supporting casts go, that's not a bad one to build from.

It's just the idea itself which sounds without merit.

I suspect that at the moment they're talking about "a taster tape" rather than an actual pilot means that this is a project that will vanish from the planet like a poorly-held helium balloon. After all, what network would think it has a schedule hole shaped like a sitcom with Stacey Solomon mugging at the heart of it?

A source said about the sitcom: “There’s a lot of excitement about this project. It’s not just another reality TV show, there’s a brilliant production team behind it. There’s strong interest from ITV.”

Oh.

Helpfully - in the sense of "to pad out the article" - Gordon provides some background about Curb:

Curb Your Enthusiam was the brainchild of Seinfield creator Larry David – known for producing comedies “about nothing”.

Yes. Gordon wrote that line.

Fred Durst: The Bill Cosby of our days

The sudden resurgence of comedy on US Network television has created a crisis, as there aren't enough funny people to go round. Things are so bad CBS is even toying with giving Fred Durst a sitcom.

Yes, Fred Durst.

How do you take a man who is only ever unintentionally hilarious and make a sitcom from him?

In the half-hour project, currently known as "Douchebag", Durst will star as a "rock legend" trying to juggle his family and his famous-person lifestyle.

I suppose at least he's not doing the usual thing and just playing himself then, although in this case that might be more appealing. A half hour about an elderly bloke who dresses like he's 13 and hasn't noticed that he's not even a famous name in his own genre any more could have legs. Otherwise, isn't this just the ill-fated Harry Enfield adaptation of Private Eye's Celeb strip, but without even the saving grace of Harry Enfield?

Gordon in the morning: Jessie - an example to all

Jessie J "guest edits" Bizarre this morning. As guest editor, she'll get the respect she deserves, right? Erm...:

IF JESSIE J were a character in The Inbetweeners, she would definitely have featured in Jay's premier league of clunge.

You know, Gordon, even in the context of the sitcom, that was pretty nasty. Using the phrase to introduce a piece in a national newspaper about someone who's sat right next to you is quite something.

J was apparently at stage school with one of the InBetweeners, James Buckley:

"I remember he was really into his music. It was mainly a dance school but he was focusing on drama. I'll have to dig out the pictures of him when he was there."

But you know what? She doesn't have to, as Gordon gets his "team" to mock up what he must have looked like:

Yes. I'd imagine that's exactly what it looked like.

And what of J herself? She wants to be a role model:

"I'm just proud I can be a decent influence on girls.

"As long as I am known for my music first and all the other stuff comes second, I'm cool with it.

"When my arse was on the front page of The Sun this week I knew I had made it."

Yes, having your arse on the front of The Sun both puts your music centre stage and provides a glowing example to young women. Mission accomplished, Miss J.

Yo La Tengo: It should be based on who's the hungriest

The fans loved it at first when - after the spinner told them to - Yo La Tengo started to work through a Seinfeld script (The Chinese Restaurant episode, to be precise). For some, the novelty wore off quite quickly. But they did come on and do some music afterwards. And...



Ira Kaplan does do a great Jerry Seinfeld.

Welcome to Portlandia

Down there in some of the comments, Olive posted a link to IFC's just-launched Portlandia.

Why would this be of interest, you ask?

The 6-part IFC Original short-based comedy series PORTLANDIA, created, written by and starring Fred Armisen (SNL) and Carrie Brownstein (vocalist/guitarist, WILD FLAG, Sleater-Kinney), premieres on IFC Friday, January 21, 2011 at 10:30 PM ET/PT. Each episode's character-based shorts draw viewers into "Portlandia," the creators' dreamy and absurd rendering of Portland, Oregon.

Happily, the preview clips are embeddable, too, so we can look at it even from here:

The illustrated Hello: Mork And Mindy

Aah... Saturday morning TV:



For reasons that I don't think were ever completely explained, Mork and Mindy sold their house in Boulder to Larry and Balki from Perfect Strangers.

Mindy would have been Pam Dawber, who didn't have the most glittering post-Mindy careers. To be honest, the way the ratings for Mork & Mindy tanked after the first series, she didn't have the most glittering Mindy career, come to that. Here she is touring in Oklahoma:

Robin Williams did have a bit more success. There was that one where he dressed up as a woman. No, not Tootsie, his was the other one. And the one where he was a teacher. And even now...



... even now he can turn up on TV being a bit insufferable.

[Buy: Mork And Mindy series one]
(Don't buy season four, where they get married and chased by other aliens... it's a 'please don't cancel us' nightmare. Actually, it doesn't seem to have even been released.)

[Part of the Illustrated Hello]

Gordon in the morning: Hi-de-hi, campers. Noel can't hear you. Hi-de-hi.

Gordon gets excited this morning, rushing to tell us that Noel Gallagher and Russell Brand are working on a sitcom together:

when NOEL GALLAGHER, the man who penned the theme tune to the brilliant Royle Family, retires from writing lyrics he’s going to turn his attention to rib-tickling sitcoms.

The OASIS axeman plans to team up with best pal RUSSELL BRAND to make shows for the small screen.

I love the way he's using the theme to the Royle Family as some sort of evidence that it's a natural progression for Gallagher to write a sitcom - he didn't even write the song as a theme tune, did he? It was just a song that they put on over the credits.

Even more interestingly, when Gordon gets to Noel's quote, it turns out there are no plans, and no agreement with Brand to do anything:

He said: "I’d like to be part of a team of scriptwriters. I think I’d be good. Russell has been trying to rope me into something but at the moment I can’t commit to anything outside Oasis. But, one day. Who knows?"

"Who knows?" is hardly the same as "I am in talks with Russell Brand to write a sitcom", is it?

Our eye was caught by Gordon's introduction:

THERE have been some really classic British sitcoms written by true greats.

Terry & June, The Likely Lads, Only Fools And Horses, Fawlty Towers — the list goes on.

Which 'true great' does Gordon think wrote Terry and June? It's actually surprising to see the programme on the list - it was a classic sitcom, but it doesn't usually get to appear on lists of the pantheon like this - either Gordon has more depth and a love of early 1980s studio bound 'the boss is coming to tea with Arabs/Japanese businessmen' gags, or else he meant The Good Life, which would seem to fit better on his slightly dull list of sitcoms everyone says when asked 'what's your favourite sitcom?'

The yawning gap in Western Culutre identified; J-Lo to fill

No, no, it's not the long-afeared news of Legally Blonde: The Series, but the next "best" thing: Jennifer Lopez is going to executive produce a TV series spun out of Maid In Manhattan.

"Executive produce" is a technical term used in American television to indicate a person who receives a large cheque in return for their name appearing in the credits.

Obviously, the central story in the original Maid In Manhattan - something to do with an unconvincing maid having an unconvincing relationship with an actor planning to fire his agent - was resolved, and so the TV series will have to be different:

"The show is a different maid in a different Manhattan," pilot-writer Chad Hodge told the Hollywood Reporter.

A different Manhattan? Like the one in Montana, perhaps? Or does Hodge mean a different different, like with Spooks Code Nine, set in the same place, but one psychologically different - in Spooks' case, due to a disaster survived only by refugees from Hollyoaks.

Hodge says Lopez has contributed “a fountain of ideas” to the pilot and series.

We're given to understand he actually meant she'd contributed an idea about a fountain, and how it would be great if the cast could all dance about in one during the opening titles.

Together at last: Britney Spears and Alyson Hannigan

Hmm. Does CBS know what it's doing, inviting Britney Spears to take a guest role on How I Met Your Mother? Let's just assume for a moment that all her various problems have been sorted out somehow, and it's not intended to be some sort of stunt casting (although Alicia Silverstone clearly thinks it is, and has quit her guest role for fear of being overshadowed.)

Let's assume that Britney has been approached because she's right for the role.

Britney Spears.

Did nobody see Crossroads?

Madge desperately clings on

Diminishing career... what to do?... film flops... badly... people laughing in the streets... Madonna's escape plan: guest role in Will & Grace... surely not testing the ground for 'Maddie', a sitcom where she plays a former rock star juggling her career and family?